Distance as a factor when dating

[Nova]

I guess this is kind of a weird forum to ask, but I think I may get the most relevant responses here of any forum I belong to. I know I witnessed a lot of people struggle with distant relationships working in the oilfield for extended periods of time but those are almost always pre-existing relationships. My gut is telling me it's not a good idea but I either need some support to proceed or drop the idea all together.

I've never been a dating type person, at all. Largely because of my personality more than anything. Hate going to bars, dances, cabarets. Not about to play the whole online dating game. I guess I could say I'm content to a point and being one of those forever alone types wouldn't be a huge deal for me. But at the same time my life is kind of empty to some extent.

I met a girl a few years back incidentally. We've stayed in touch, chat or visit the odd time. We've got a lot in common. If life circumstances were different and distance wasn't a factor, asking her out would not even be a question. The tricky thing is we live an hour and a half apart. We're both home owners, both about 3 years into stable good paying careers that we are seemingly content with (and both jobs are shift work with more or less equal time on/off). Part of me thinks maybe the concept is feasible at least in the short term, but the part of me that fears the unknown also says drop it. If it is an absurd idea, I don't even want to put myself out there. So I'm curious if anyone has been in a similar situation or has any input.

[oyster_777]

I cant offer and sage advice on long distance dating.

However If you don't live life now you may not have that chance later. What could you possibly gain by waiting?

my 2 cents.

[Big Red 250]

An hour & a half apart, are you kidding me. My wife & I have been married for 25 years now but before that we had a long distance relationship for 8 years till we tied the knot. We lived 300 miles apart. Every other weekend I drove to her home and the odd time she drove to mine (like maybe twice a year). She lived in a city and I lived out in the country. The main reason for our long distance relationship was she had 2 young kids from a previous marriage and they were citified and out in the country they thought there was a bear behind every tree. Wasn't a bear within 40 miles but that's what they believed.

[roper1]

Are you kidding ? It is not how many times you get knocked down, it is how many times you get back up. You phone that sweet young thing at the end of work today. A little work at it & one of you will move in a heartbeat. She will, guaranteed. And if you are both into it, nothing is better. Good luck.... and you're welcome.

[omega50]

Putting a lot of pressure on a maybe.
If you like her and she likes you, then start dating.
Don't go buying the silverware just yet!
It is absolutely not an absurd idea. But of course, not without challenges- any challenges can be overcome and you two can and should cross that bridge together.

[Smokey]

I'd love to live an hour and half apart. Don't see the issue.

When the hormones are rampant, you get in your truck and haul some *****.:sHa_shakeshout:

[wags]

My now wife and I lived 3 hours apart for the first two years of our relationship. We are celebrating our 10th anniversary this June.

Here's what I can say, being alone for many years, and now on my second marriage (this being the good one!)

Nothing fills the hole in one's life like a good woman. (I should say mate I suppose, for those with alternative lifestyles).

Appreciating the house and career - houses can be sold, and jobs are not only in one location.

But a good woman may only come along once a lifetime.

Call that girl, if you're going this far to get advice, she just might be worth it :)

Cheers

[FallAirFever]

I agree with what has been said so far.
I have been married over 17 years. My wife and I started dating when I was working rigs and we were separated by at least an hour for the the first 6 months or so of our relationship. Like Omega said "any challenges can be overcome and you two can and should cross that bridge together. "

These are strong words and when you find the right person very true.
What have you got to loose, dont put too many expectaions on the relationship and see what happens. If you find "the one" you will wonder what you ever did with-out her.

Good luck.

[Okotokian]

You are about as far apart as my work commute, one way, if traffic is bad or it snows. And don't let your job dictate your future. You or she can always get another closer one, if things work out.

Anyway, if you feel the urge, go for it. You aren't making a lifelong commitment, just deciding you would like to spend a little more time with someone you click wth. This is new territory for you. Explore. Good luck!

[Mb-MBR]

I guess this is kind of a weird forum to ask, but I think I may get the most relevant responses here of any forum I belong to. I know I witnessed a lot of people struggle with distant relationships working in the oilfield for extended periods of time but those are almost always pre-existing relationships. My gut is telling me it's not a good idea but I either need some support to proceed or drop the idea all together.

I've never been a dating type person, at all. Largely because of my personality more than anything. Hate going to bars, dances, cabarets. Not about to play the whole online dating game. I guess I could say I'm content to a point and being one of those forever alone types wouldn't be a huge deal for me. But at the same time my life is kind of empty to some extent.

I met a girl a few years back incidentally. We've stayed in touch, chat or visit the odd time. We've got a lot in common. If life circumstances were different and distance wasn't a factor, asking her out would not even be a question. The tricky thing is we live an hour and a half apart. We're both home owners, both about 3 years into stable good paying careers that we are seemingly content with (and both jobs are shift work with more or less equal time on/off). Part of me thinks maybe the concept is feasible at least in the short term, but the part of me that fears the unknown also says drop it. If it is an absurd idea, I don't even want to put myself out there. So I'm curious if anyone has been in a similar situation or has any input.


I've driven further for many non productive hunts. The distance may factor into a positive for the relationship. Are you convinced she may be waiting to take the friendship to the next phase or will you chase her away?

Either way, sounds like you're both grown adults and would think you could handle a discussion like this this.

[abhunter8]

Take a chance... the only regrets you have in life are the chances not taken!!

[rwm1273]

Take a chance... the only regrets you have in life are the chances not taken!!

X2.

[Canadiandiesel]

1.5hr apart? That's it? My girlfriend now wife was 2.5hrs away and I did the distance, suck it up and go see her.

[huntinstuff]

It doesnt sound like you are interested enough in her.

[FreeLantz]

I drive 1.5 hours one way everyday. It sucks, but its worthwhile. Try it. If its to much well nothjng really lost. If its worth it, everything is gained.

[rugatika]

I'd love to live an hour and half apart. Don't see the issue.

When the hormones are rampant, you get in your truck and haul some *****.:sHa_shakeshout:

Bingo...I think every couple should live an hour and a half apart.

Sounds like you have the perfect scenario going there my friend. I'd jump on that.....situation.

Less nagging, more shagging.

[Buckhead]

If you want her - go get her.......and don't look back.

[rugatika]

If you want her - go get her.......and don't look back....when you're leaving in the morning.

[twofifty]

After a certain age distance can be good...1 hour is just about right. ;)

[JD848]

The further away the better, you will work like dog for years on end,and it's the same old story,kimmy,bye me ,show me ,take me hear and I want it all .lease everything wright down to the ring to her underwear ,,house ,cars,and all toys and clothing and hide your bank accounts,safty deposit box,gold and silver and in the end after the fire starts burning a little low and she still loves you ,you will know she loves you for you,then go out and buy her a nice ice auger and good rifle so she can live the good life.Dimonds do not make happiness,they just glitter,the only glitter she wants to see is in your eyes for her till death.

[Big Red 250]

Ask her out, see where it goes. If you don't you'll always wonder "how it might have been".

[CheeseBurger]

It's either one of two things:

Either the distance is holding you back and if that is in fact the case, then go for it. Solid relationships are hard to find and well worth an hour and half drive. My girlfriend lives in Canmore so it's an hour drive for me and it certainly doesn't hold us back.

Or, like huntingstuff said - You aren't that into her.

[Okotokian]

It doesnt sound like you are interested enough in her.

killjoy.

Actually, I had that thought as well, but I'm TRYING to be the new improved encouraging Oko. ;)

[Nova]

It's either one of two things:

Either the distance is holding you back and if that is in fact the case, then go for it. Solid relationships are hard to find and well worth an hour and half drive. My girlfriend lives in Canmore so it's an hour drive for me and it certainly doesn't hold us back.

Or, like huntingstuff said - You aren't that into her.

huntingstuff's comment did provoke a moment of thought, and while I see where he is coming from that definitely isn't the case. If it were, I wouldn't even be asking the question and the thought wouldn't be bugging the hell out of me. Like I said, dating has never been my thing. Been chased but never chased somebody else. Never met somebody that really seemed worth going after, but she does. I just worried that maybe the thought of asking about a relationship with somebody 150km away would maybe be a bit unrealistic. I suppose it will always depend on the people involved, but knowing that it has worked out well for so many here is certainly positive.

I appreciate all the input. I will follow through. Worst case she says no, and even that would probably be better than spending any more time wondering "what if?" and never knowing.

[Redfrog]

I dunno??:thinking-006: With the price of fuel going up all the time......you need to really need to think this through.:shark:

[pickrel pat]

post a pic...... would be easy to decide for you then.......:)
My long distance relations have not worked in the past.
Nor have my medium and short distance relationships.
I guess the ones I was with were not that smart!!!

[Sundancefisher]

An hour & a half apart, are you kidding me. My wife & I have been married for 25 years now but before that we had a long distance relationship for 8 years till we tied the knot. We lived 300 miles apart. Every other weekend I drove to her home and the odd time she drove to mine (like maybe twice a year). She lived in a city and I lived out in the country. The main reason for our long distance relationship was she had 2 young kids from a previous marriage and they were citified and out in the country they thought there was a bear behind every tree. Wasn't a bear within 40 miles but that's what they believed.

X2

My wife and I dated for a year and we live 4 hours apart.

From what the OP is saying...start dating already.

PS. I commute to work each day round trip to the tune of about 2.5 hours.

[KegRiver]

Nova, you sound a lot like me.

I have never felt comfortable dating and unless I'm 99.9% sure she wants the same thing I do I hesitate to say anything. So throughout my life I seldom pursued and was very very easily dissuaded.

But for me, distance was not an issue.

I met batwoman online, she lived in Maryland just five miles from the White House and I live two hours north of Peace River. That's a distance of around 2,500 miles.
Because of the distance I didn't even consider her of interest, but we became online friends.

One thing lead to another and here we are now, happily married.
The first year of our marriage we lived 2,500 miles apart. She had a home to sell and a job commitment she felt obliged to fulfill so we made it work.
Our together time was via the phone.

Anything is possible if you are willing to accept what is and what is not.
But you both have to want it and you both have to be willing to sacrifice whatever you need to to make the relationship work.

If one or both aren't willing to do what has to be done, then walk away now.

[wags]

I dunno??:thinking-006: With the price of fuel going up all the time......you need to really need to think this through.:shark:

You're always so helpful RF.

[1899b]

I have two ex wives. It would be stupid of me to even attempt to weigh in on this topic. Figuring out women or relationships is out of my realm....

[Batwoman]

Nova,

Just so you know KegRiver is not pulling your leg............it can work IFFEN it is what God wants for your lives and if you both are willing to give and take. I actually am not married to Keg and I do not live in Alberta. I came here on a vacation in May 2008 and was going back to my job in Washington, DC where I was making a very good salary after over 9 years with the company, my car was paid for and my house was due to be paid off in 2013. I would be hitting 60 years old with a house paid off, renovations already done to it, car paid in full and in great shape and kid raised long ago.

Butttttttttttttttttttttt God had other plans for my life. He put this Albertan in my life who was a really a nice fellow to talk to, email to share the day's events with etc then ok I'll go on a vacation to Alberta never been to Canada but I knew there was an Alberta Canada as my oldest SIL went to Prairie Bible Institute. Get here Keg is really a gentleman. His family is great. Had wonderful times visiting, taking photos and driving all over the place. Couple more days I get to go back to Maryland and my happy plans for the rest of my life the man asks me to marry him.............. GOOD GRIEF Charlie Brown THIS was NOT part of the vacation package I signed up for..............but only took me about 20 seconds to say YES. I boarded the plane for home a few days later. From July 2008 to May 2009 I supported Air Canada. Married July 2008, visited home September, December 2008 and March 2009. I used every long weekend and vacation day I could smash together to come and be with my husband. Work was slow in the States as the economy was tanking and the company started laying people off............I got my warning in April (yeah I know most people do not know when they are gonna get laid off - long story) and was handed my 3 months salary and a bunch of papers to sign May 1 or 2nd. I forget now.

I was making GOOD money and I mean good money salary wise................

Came home and guess what if I work here in Canada my retirement from the States drops for every Penney I pay into the retirement funds here SOooooooooo we decided to not risk losing funds we will need in years to come and I became a stay at home wife. I love it. AND we do just fine financially. Keg works his duff off but still has time for some free time to do the things he enjoys. I do the cooking, the laundry, clean the house.......well sort of........., manage the funds fairly well I think and I have never looked back.

Do I miss my old place? Having all of my time to myself? The fat salary?

Sometimes on the place but really just the plantings I had.

No. I was dating a kleenex box by the time I met Keg, I was a widow and it was over a year and good grief no one, even females, had time to go out for a cup of coffee..........life is way too busy on the East Coast in the States.

I get all day long to do what I can or what I want but the best part is I get to anticipate Keg's coming home from a day of work.

The salary? Only the health insurance,.............long story but nope. I was not raised with a silver spoon in my mouth and we live quite comfortably.

Now does my family in the States think I went a bit daft and wonder where my brain went off to? Of course but they were no where around and Keg was; first by computer, then by phone and then in person full time.

You will never know until you discuss it seriously.

And my oldest brother drove 1 1/2 hours each way to visit his first finance while she attended college - the man never seemed any worse for wear doing this every other weekend and I am betting you guys could handle it too IF this is what God wants for your lives.

You will never know unless you give the friendship a big chance to blossom into a relationship and tip - she never gets to see the inside of the man cave, nor you the inside of the woman cave until there is an "I Do" said by both of you. Trust me on that one. THAT way you will know it is love and not lust.

HUGS to you fella. :grouphugg:

[Mulehahn]

If you want to be with her try. There is nothing worse then not knowing. One of my closest friends was dating a girl for 3 months when she got her dream job, which included a 2 year contract in Australia. She had to take it so they made it work. He went there once and she came here once, the rest was digital. That was 9 years ago and now they happily share a condo in downtown Vancouver. They made it work because both were committed. I have seen the other side as well. I met a woman that was everything I wanted, smart, fun, and knew exactly what she wanted. Unfortunately, she wanted a man who was going to be there every night. I love my job, but it takes me away for months at a time. No ones fault it didn't work out, but I am still glad I tried.

[leeaspell]

Hour and a half? Me and my girlfriend are currently about 6500km away while she finishes her degree. I only wish it was an hour and a half lol. If you're into it, 1.5 hours is nothing. I drive longer than that to go to work one way. Don't let tome or distance get in the way, just go for it, what do you have to lose. You probably would have just wasted that time and gas anyway doing nothing. Go for it bud

[huntmaster83]

huntingstuff's comment did provoke a moment of thought, and while I see where he is coming from that definitely isn't the case. If it were, I wouldn't even be asking the question and the thought wouldn't be bugging the hell out of me. Like I said, dating has never been my thing. Been chased but never chased somebody else. Never met somebody that really seemed worth going after, but she does. I just worried that maybe the thought of asking about a relationship with somebody 150km away would maybe be a bit unrealistic. I suppose it will always depend on the people involved, but knowing that it has worked out well for so many here is certainly positive.

I appreciate all the input. I will follow through. Worst case she says no, and even that would probably be better than spending any more time wondering "what if?" and never knowing.



Answered it perfectly! You got one shot at this go round of life and the last thing you want on a death bed looking back is a plate of regrets or what ifs. You seem to have some genuine feelings or you would not even consider coming to a largely redneck populated forum for Dr. Phil relationship advice....... However there has been some good replies so far! Have fun, if it works you're that much luckier for having found the one and if not then at least you tried and got the answer, good luck!