joke of the day!

[chewydog]

Gramps was sitting on the front porch drinking coffee when little Johnny walked by.
Gramps: Johnny what's that under your arm?
Johnny: thats duck tape!
Gramps: what's you going do with duck tape?
Johnny: get me some ducks!

Johnny continued on his way.
A few hours later Johnny walked by gramps with a duck under each arm.

The next morning gramps was again sitting on the front porch drinking coffee when little Johnny walked by.

Gramps: Johnny what's that under your arm?
Johnny: that's chicken wire!
Gramps: what's you going do with chicken wire?
Johnny: get me some chickens!

Johnny continued on his way.
A few hours later Johnny walked by gramps with a chicken under each arm.

The next morning gramps was again sitting on the front porch drinking coffee when little Johnny walked by.

Gramps: Johnny what's that under your arm?
Johnny: that's p-ssy willow!
Gramps: Hold up I'll get my hat!!

[shredder]

Lol awesome!

[stuckincity]

The Bus and the Zipper

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was
waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus
stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that
her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height
of the first step of the bus..
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver,
she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that
this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind
her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time
attempted the step, and, once again, much to her chagrin, she
could not raise her leg. With little smile to the driver, she
again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to
make the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her
picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the
step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and
screeched, 'How dare you touch my body! I don't even know
who you are!'
The Texan smiled and drawled, 'Well, ma'am, normally I would
agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda
figured we were friends.'

[rwm1273]

I was sitting there at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" He says menacingly, as I burst into tears.

"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure.”
I was late to a meeting, and my boss fired me.
When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had
been stolen, and I don't have any insurance.
I left my wallet in the cab I took home.
I found my wife with another man... and then my dog bit me.
So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all.

"I buy a drink, I drop a cyanide capsule in, and I sit
here watching the poison dissolves..............…
and then you show up and drink the whole damn thing!

But, enough about me, how are you doing?

[AdverseCity]

So this guy is taking his girlfriend to the high school prom. And he's got a lot of work to do.

First he has to rent a tux, so he goes to the tuxedo store. But there's a huge tuxedo line at the store. Finally he gets out of there and realizes he has to go buy a corsage, so he goes to a florist. But there's this big long corsage line at the florist. Finally he gets the corsage and has his tux and he's gotta go rent a limo. But there's this huge line when he gets to the limo place.

Finally after waiting and making all the arrangements, it's the night of the prom. He picks her up and takes her down there to get in, but there's this huge ticket line at the door. Finally they get in and they start dancing and having fun, and she says to him, "I'm hungry," so he goes to get her some food, but there's this huge buffet line. He gets her some food and they eat and they're dancing again and she says, "Now I'm thirsty, can you get me a drink?" So he goes to get her a drink and there's no punchline.

[coreya3212]

^^^^^^^no no no

If only i had the super power where I could post above this joke and warn the world...but I cant.... So many could have been saved.

[diamonddave]

lol!!

[stuckincity]

Three Wise Women (http://upyouralley.net/email_humor/wise_women.php)