Marriage Councilling Help In Edmonton or Stony Plain

[Smokey]

Me and Mrs. Smokey have had marriage difficulties and we were going to a local councilling outfit in Stony Plain. The counciller has wasted 6 sessions, and we haven't gotten anywhere close to the issues.

Today she was talking for 10 mins on communication. I ignored her speech, and said at the end that she talked for 10 minutes and it has nothing to do with our issue, and told her this is our issue I would like to talk about. She said oh, we will cover that in 2 or 3 sessions. I said we now wasted a few hundred dollars and our relationship is teetering.

I dont know if this is cookie cutter councilling now a days, but we need an outfit that has flexibility and doesn't screw around. I could use a referal. I dont care if its Christian, non Christian. Heck, Id go to a guy running a councilling office in a dumpster if he was good. Any referals would be great.

[jungleboy]

good luck . Wifey and I went to a councellor a number of years ago and all they had to offer was fluff. After the second session I told the guy I could get the same talking point bs he was offering at any bar for free. We didn't go back and worked things out on our own

[dodger]

I can't help with the referral but I wish you and your partner the best !!

Dodger.

[Gate guy]

http://www.openingdoorsalberta.com

I was in the same boat. Me and the wife on different pages. Turned out we were on different pages of the same book .... Thank goodness we worked things out.

Lisett is who we saw both together and apart and helped a lot

Alberta has the highest canadian divorce rate....... Bills , work away, kids it all adds up if your not on the same page. Oven if it turns out to be of the same book.

Best of luck.

[silverdoctor]

http://www.openingdoorsalberta.com

I was in the same boat. Me and the wife on different pages. Turned out we were on different pages of the same book .... Thank goodness we worked things out.

Lisett is who we saw both together and apart and helped a lot

Alberta has the highest canadian divorce rate....... Bills , work away, kids it all adds up if your not on the same page. Oven if it turns out to be of the same book.

Best of luck.


Lisette is good, met up with her when trying to figure out what to do with the ex. The ex and I were doomed before we met with her so there was no way she could help - I had actually made up my mind to end it. Very nice lady, just needs to learn to let others talk - she loves to talk.

[omega50]

Good contact in the Foothills, but sadly don't know of one in your area

I believe that many marriages are worth saving.
Just not mine:fighting0030:
Good luck to you.

[Cement Bench]

I charge 500 bucks and you rent the meeting room

a retired lawyer who does not mince words,

most counselling sessions just make the councillor rich, a complete waste of time in my opinion,

I go over the property split since that is where it is headed,

then if you get back together so be it and if not both know where it is headed and why,

in my 30 years I only had less than one half dozen ever reconcile and stay married, most ended with the wife stealing a lot of money before the husband woke up

and I am not kidding

Cement Bench


the 3 rules in criminal law and most other areas,

1. get your money up front

2. never believe a word your client says

3. get your money up front


:love0025:

[mcreg]

I charge 500 bucks and you rent the meeting room

a retired lawyer who does not mince words,

most counselling sessions just make the councillor rich, a complete waste of time in my opinion,

I go over the property split since that is where it is headed,

then if you get back together so be it and if not both know where it is headed and why,

in my 30 years I only had less than one half dozen ever reconcile and stay married, most ended with the wife stealing a lot of money before the husband woke up

and I am not kidding

Cement Bench


the 3 rules in criminal law and most other areas,

1. get your money up front

2. never believe a word your client says

3. get your money up front


:love0025:

UNBELIEVABLE!!!!
A guy comes onto a public forum (which in itself takes a lot of courage and committment) and asks for help to save his marriage and gets this!
Typical Lawyer, do you keep a shark or piranha in your fish tank?
Smokey- ignore this LOSER. You're doing the right thing.

[badbrass]

UNBELIEVABLE!!!!
A guy comes onto a public forum (which in itself takes a lot of courage and committment) and asks for help to save his marriage and gets this!
Typical Lawyer, do you keep a shark or piranha in your fish tank?
Smokey- ignore this LOSER. You're doing the right thing.

No Kidding! I know the way you got your name ( Cement Bench )
Cement- never warms up-cold hearted.
Bench- sit on it and see what happen's?


Hope thing's work out for you two!

[roper1]

Don't know how old you are or how long you've been married or if there is kids involved but lots of marriages are worth the time & effort to save. All the best.

[norwestalta]

Don't know how old you are or how long you've been married or if there is kids involved but lots of marriages are worth the time & effort to save. All the best.

X2

[brownbomber]

X2

X3

Empathy is a big key

[Highcountry]

http://clarencecounsellingcentre.com

Hi I have never had counseling by these people but my wife worked in the same building as them. I am not a religious guy and I found Simon to be a great guy to just shoot the "stuff" with he loves hunting and the outdoors a really genuine guy. They are from Devon and he would be the first guy I would go to in any kind of personal need.

[norwestalta]

X3

Empathy is a big key

Found talking less and listening more made a big difference. Even if it bores you to death.
If your valentine is anything like mine she should find a hobby. That made a big difference in my relationship.
I've been to marital counselors as well. They aren't referees and will point you in the right direction but you and your wife have to work together.

[kujoseto]

Kudos to you both for exploring what it takes to sort it out.
PM sent
All the best

[Cement Bench]

UNBELIEVABLE!!!!
A guy comes onto a public forum (which in itself takes a lot of courage and committment) and asks for help to save his marriage and gets this!
Typical Lawyer, do you keep a shark or piranha in your fish tank?
Smokey- ignore this LOSER. You're doing the right thing.

IF ONE PARTY DOES NOT WANT TO SETTLE


THE OTHER CANNOT


question for all the nay sayers how many marriages have you saved lately, almost all fail within 2 years of counselling, check the stats,


al for all of you with the ability to use the search function

maybe see how many posts there are with guys (or gals) asking for help when the marriage is over,

whatsamatter cannot anyone take the truth and please remember


the so called lady did not want to talk about the issue and the marriage is tettering and the OP would go to a dumpster if it would help


no problem when it is over do not call me, I am busy,

those that know me know I solve problems not yak yak yak and oh by the way my bill is 800 bucks and you have had no progress,

maybe you hate lawyers (and so do I sometimes) but who you going to call, the rug doctor (old TV ad and radio ad)

if the wife and husband are sitting there putting up with spending money for nothing then the marriage is over already,

I wish OP luck because that is what he needs, apparently not good advice or getting to the issue,

go ahead take up a collection for the visits they will make without progress or resolution of the issue,

this could take no more than a few hours, because,


if one party does not want to change or settle

the other cannot,

have a nice day I hope it works out for the OP but chances are it will not,

and remember only some of us took calls on sunday night for years when the custody exchange went haywire and missed sunday supper almost every weekend so the clients could tlak to me at the time, and since I did not want to be a partner I did not share in the spoils of the money collected, just try to find a lawyer on a sunday now,

good day to all

and may the OP find peace and happiness within a year or two

Cement Bench (and yes I do like the attempts at humour they are good for the soul, but take the advice of the masses if you wish, they are not paying your bills either) :)

[brownbomber]

Found talking less and listening more made a big difference. Even if it bores you to death.
If your valentine is anything like mine she should find a hobby. That made a big difference in my relationship.
I've been to marital counselors as well. They aren't referees and will point you in the right direction but you and your wife have to work together.

Very true.
Gotta work at it. We had two and a half year seperation, tried it again. Coming 4 years back together and we are doing okay, lots of work but find a way.

[bison]

No Kidding! I know the way you got your name ( Cement Bench )
Cement- never warms up-cold hearted.
Bench- sit on it and see what happen's?


Hope thing's work out for you two!You ever seen a lawyer with a heart or compassion??:rolleye2:
At least this guy is honest, he tells you what it is.
For them It's all about the money,..the more the better.

[Artist]

You said you don't care if it's "Christian or non-Christian" advice. I would highly recommend the following material. I have used it in marriage counselling and it absolutely works. Although the speaker comes from a "Christian" perspective, he addresses both Christians and non-Christians alike, and, at the end of the day, you can set the "religious" aspect of the material aside if you like, and simply take the practical advice alone - it will be sufficient to impact your marriage.

Go to this site http://loveandrespect.com/ click on "store" and order the "Love and Respect" DVD set for $89.00. Sit down, and watch the series together with you're sweetheart over the course of about a week. I guarantee it will have the potential to transform your marriage. No, I don't work for that organization :)

If you do order the DVD set, and for some strange reason are not happy with the material, I'll gladly purchase it from you so you won't be stuck with it.

All the best!

[leeaspell]

I have absolutely nothing to offer this thread except, good luck. I wish you all the best buddy.

[oyster_777]

I charge 500 bucks and you rent the meeting room

a retired lawyer who does not mince words,

most counselling sessions just make the councillor rich, a complete waste of time in my opinion,

I go over the property split since that is where it is headed,

then if you get back together so be it and if not both know where it is headed and why,

in my 30 years I only had less than one half dozen ever reconcile and stay married, most ended with the wife stealing a lot of money before the husband woke up

and I am not kidding

Cement Bench


the 3 rules in criminal law and most other areas,

1. get your money up front

2. never believe a word your client says

3. get your money up front


:love0025:

Having been through this whole process counselors, lawyers, courts....... What CB says is true. If one party has made up their mind to end it theres not a lot anyone can do.

However if they are willing to try and fix it theres hope. I would pursue that to the end.

$500 is cheap. Typical lawyer divorce paperwork judge circus runs $5-10k if both husband and wife play nice. Family law in alberta is big business.

my 2 cents.

[densa44]

First of all, good luck to you both.

Cement is not all wrong. However as a lawyer he sees the worst of relationships, counselors too.

Why don't you see if you can talk to one another with no distractions? Maybe go away together, at least you'll both find out if there is anything left.

Once one of you see a lawyer it is over.

The AO members who said that counselling wasn't working solved it themselves, that is the only way it works in the end.

If you both want it to work anything is possible.

Good luck.

[Bobby B.]

Here's something to bear in mind. According to a very good friend of mine who is an experienced marriage councilor, 90% of his work consists of the wife coming in to discuss the marraige problems. The wife really wants approval of her plans to either separate from or divorice her husband. By the time the husband shows up for councilling, the wife is no longer so much open to councilling as informing the husband of what's about to happen.

Women ar FAR FAR FAR more focussed on relationships then are men. They have a much cleare understanding of what works or does not work for them in a relationship. Men are more focussed on other areas opf their life, primarily with how well they are performing in their careers and what the future holds for them in the workplace.

Whether or not you approve of Cement Bench's analysis of the situation is irrelevant. False hope is pointless. The more dire the circumstances, the more valuable the need to push away the fluff and get down to brass tacks.

To the OP, do not become loyal to a councilor unless there is progress being made. Good luck.

Bobby B.

[ganderblaster]

Watch "Fireproof" then try the "Love Dare". Won't cost you much and has made a difference for a lot of people.

[Rumtan]

Some Churches offer counselling for free (if your a member).

[Mike_W]

Many employers now offer EAFP's (Employee and Family Assistance Programs) as part of there employee group benefits.
I suggest looking into either of your benefits and contacting the EAFP provider.

[Smokey]

I've teetered on whether to bother on councilling again because as one person stated its time to get down to brass tacts. My wife and I know the issues, its solving them.

Our last session I told the lady after she talked for ten minutes straight about communication which is not the problem. I outlined the problems andsaid your dwelling on periphials. After 6 sessions where I have been blunt with her before, she can't figure it out. Its like she follows a program, and I said to my wife the more we go, the more we pay. This is her job, and frankly I guess its a business too.

I've appreciated the feedback. I came to tbe conclusion I am not ready for councilling, if its fluff. Is there any videos that are available. I am not looking for something I got to order off the internet and wait 6 weeks. I was close to leaving 2 months ago when we started councilling, and frankly after 6 sessions of not actually dealing with any of the core issues I am not convinced I wont waste more money. This councillor was recommended. I think we are both willing to work through some things on our own before we commit to another councillor. I thought a councillor would give us suggestions to get over the hump and provide accountability, but shes wrapped up in family history and communication, and anxiety and the core issues are not these things.

[Mistagin]

http://clarencecounsellingcentre.com

Hi I have never had counseling by these people but my wife worked in the same building as them. I am not a religious guy and I found Simon to be a great guy to just shoot the "stuff" with he loves hunting and the outdoors a really genuine guy. They are from Devon and he would be the first guy I would go to in any kind of personal need.

I'll second this one.

[Eddy62]

IF ONE PARTY DOES NOT WANT TO SETTLE


THE OTHER CANNOT


question for all the nay sayers how many marriages have you saved lately, almost all fail within 2 years of counselling, check the stats,


al for all of you with the ability to use the search function

maybe see how many posts there are with guys (or gals) asking for help when the marriage is over,

whatsamatter cannot anyone take the truth and please remember


the so called lady did not want to talk about the issue and the marriage is tettering and the OP would go to a dumpster if it would help


no problem when it is over do not call me, I am busy,

those that know me know I solve problems not yak yak yak and oh by the way my bill is 800 bucks and you have had no progress,

maybe you hate lawyers (and so do I sometimes) but who you going to call, the rug doctor (old TV ad and radio ad)

if the wife and husband are sitting there putting up with spending money for nothing then the marriage is over already,

I wish OP luck because that is what he needs, apparently not good advice or getting to the issue,

go ahead take up a collection for the visits they will make without progress or resolution of the issue,

this could take no more than a few hours, because,


if one party does not want to change or settle

the other cannot,

have a nice day I hope it works out for the OP but chances are it will not,

and remember only some of us took calls on sunday night for years when the custody exchange went haywire and missed sunday supper almost every weekend so the clients could tlak to me at the time, and since I did not want to be a partner I did not share in the spoils of the money collected, just try to find a lawyer on a sunday now,

good day to all

and may the OP find peace and happiness within a year or two

Cement Bench (and yes I do like the attempts at humour they are good for the soul, but take the advice of the masses if you wish, they are not paying your bills either) :)

i would hire you in a minute...... all you are telling us is the truth

[Okotokian]

in my 30 years I only had less than one half dozen ever reconcile and stay married,

LOL well of course. You're a LAWYER. That's why people come to you. Sheesh.

It's like an undertaker saying he's seen very few recoveries from disease. Not the guy you want to see regarding your cancer treatments.

[Mike_W]

I've teetered on whether to bother on councilling again because as one person stated its time to get down to brass tacts. My wife and I know the issues, its solving them.

Our last session I told the lady after she talked for ten minutes straight about communication which is not the problem. I outlined the problems andsaid your dwelling on periphials. After 6 sessions where I have been blunt with her before, she can't figure it out. Its like she follows a program, and I said to my wife the more we go, the more we pay. This is her job, and frankly I guess its a business too.

I've appreciated the feedback. I came to tbe conclusion I am not ready for councilling, if its fluff. Is there any videos that are available. I am not looking for something I got to order off the internet and wait 6 weeks. I was close to leaving 2 months ago when we started councilling, and frankly after 6 sessions of not actually dealing with any of the core issues I am not convinced I wont waste more money. This councillor was recommended. I think we are both willing to work through some things on our own before we commit to another councillor. I thought a councillor would give us suggestions to get over the hump and provide accountability, but shes wrapped up in family history and communication, and anxiety and the core issues are not these things.

Well you first came on here looking for a councillor now you don't want a councillor?
Just a suggestion but maybe actually listening to a councillor is your issue. If you are sitting there just thinking what a waste of time and money and not actually listening, accepting and going through the process you are doomed.
If you cannot listen to a professional you are paying I doubt you are listening to your wife and I really doubt you or your wife really know what the issue is and if you truly do and you cannot fix it then file now and stop wasting hers and your life "saving your marriage".

If you really do want to save your marriage look into an EAFP through your group benefits at work as marriage counselling is covered and is a free service!!

If its not worth it to you than the writing is on the wall.

[Lefty-Canuck]

I've teetered on whether to bother on councilling again because as one person stated its time to get down to brass tacts. My wife and I know the issues, its solving them.

Our last session I told the lady after she talked for ten minutes straight about communication which is not the problem. I outlined the problems andsaid your dwelling on periphials. After 6 sessions where I have been blunt with her before, she can't figure it out. Its like she follows a program, and I said to my wife the more we go, the more we pay. This is her job, and frankly I guess its a business too.

I've appreciated the feedback. I came to tbe conclusion I am not ready for councilling, if its fluff. Is there any videos that are available. I am not looking for something I got to order off the internet and wait 6 weeks. I was close to leaving 2 months ago when we started councilling, and frankly after 6 sessions of not actually dealing with any of the core issues I am not convinced I wont waste more money. This councillor was recommended. I think we are both willing to work through some things on our own before we commit to another councillor. I thought a councillor would give us suggestions to get over the hump and provide accountability, but shes wrapped up in family history and communication, and anxiety and the core issues are not these things.

Not knowing your particular scenario but having gone through a divorce....

You have to dig deep and ask some tough questions....

What do you want? What does she want?

.....are you both being brutally honest in what you do and don't want....

Are you willing to make changes to keep things happy? Is that going to cause resentment?

.....if there are kids involved, do they know things are going bad?

One thing I learned is you gotta do what is right for you and your kids....it is your right to find happiness and your duty to do your best to ensure your kids happiness.

If you have no kids....then you may need to look at this as an opportunity for a new lease on life and a second chance to find happiness.

If you do decide to part ways.....there is light at the end of the tunnel, don't give up hope and strive to find what you need out of life.

We only get one chance on this earth and you gotta make the best of it.

LC

[Okotokian]

If you really do want to save your marriage look into an EAFP through your group benefits at work as marriage counselling is covered and is a free service!!


You can certainly go through your EFAP program. The problem with that option is that you just get a counsellor assigned to you. It's a crap shoot. Maybe they are good, maybe they aren't. It's better than nothing. Also, sessions are limited, an they can't see you further after that, even if you want to pay yourself. Better option is to get a referrall from someone who has had experience and success with a particular counsellor.

With regard to the OP's experience with their current counsellor, I certainly would move on. They appear to like to hear themselves speak. Beware particularly those who want to give you tests and tell you what your colour is. LOL If a client has a burning desire to talk about something, a competent counsellor will go there, not put it off for a few weeks. The latter is an indication of someone who is following a cookie-cutter pattern they learned.

There ARE some competent counsellors out there, ones that both partners can feel comfortble with. It's like any other trade or profession. Some good ones, some not-so-good ones.

[javlin101]

Smokey, I am not a counselor, but separated since 2010 & going through a ugly divorce after 22 years together with 4 kids.

If you are looking to save your marriage I can only suggest;

- Sit down & talk heart to heart with your wife. Each of you need to listen carefully to what the other is saying. Do not interrupt each other or comment on what is said. Emotional outbursts will kill any good conversation immediately.

- Take away what is said and think hard about what your partner has told you.

- Think about the issues brought up and how they affect you and how they might affect her.

- Be honest with yourselves, identify the most important issues and take these points to a good councilor for help to deal with them.

To many couples can not get past the emotional, defensive feelings built up for a long time to really talk honestly and with respect to each others feelings and issues.

Hope it works out for you.

[Mike_W]

You can certainly go through your EFAP program. The problem with that option is that you just get a counsellor assigned to you. It's a crap shoot. Maybe they are good, maybe they aren't. It's better than nothing. Also, sessions are limited, an they can't see you further after that, even if you want to pay yourself. Better option is to get a referrall from someone who has had experience and success with a particular counsellor.


Depending on the EFAP provider some of what you stated can be true but in most cases it isn't.
Quality EFAP providers have access to an entire network of councillors in your area, all of which are quality providers not just the cheapest per hour. Also quality EFAP providers do not have a set visit maximum it is based off the clients needs. Of course there are some guideline as per the issue. In many cases councillors in an EAFP network are councillors privately and absolutely you can see them outside of the EFAP.

[Okotokian]

Depending on the EFAP provider some of what you stated can be true but in most cases it isn't.
Quality EFAP providers have access to an entire network of councillors in your area, all of which are quality providers not just the cheapest per hour. Also quality EFAP providers do not have a set visit maximum it is based off the clients needs.

Yes, but we both know it's 5 or 6 sessions, it's not 20.

In many cases councillors in an EAFP network are councillors privately and absolutely you can see them outside of the EFAP.

They are usually private counsellors, and as a plan sponsor I'd be concerned about counsellors who work under the plan but can then say to employees "You need more counselling. You can continue to pay me outside the plan". I think that is why some providers have that prohibition.

Anyways, interesting stuff that probably interests about three people on the forum. LOL Derail over. :)

[Mike_W]

Yes, but we both know it's 5 or 6 sessions, it's not 20.



They are usually private counsellors, and as a plan sponsor I'd be concerned about counsellors who work under the plan but can then say to employees "You need more counselling. You can continue to pay me outside the plan". I think that is why some providers have that prohibition.

Anyways, interesting stuff that probably interests about three people on the forum. LOL Derail over. :)

Well no you really down played the fact, either way 1-10 free sessions should get a person somewhere.

[oyster_777]

Smokey, I am not a counselor, but separated since 2010 & going through a ugly divorce after 22 years together with 4 kids.

If you are looking to save your marriage I can only suggest;

- Sit down & talk heart to heart with your wife. Each of you need to listen carefully to what the other is saying. Do not interrupt each other or comment on what is said. Emotional outbursts will kill any good conversation immediately.

- Take away what is said and think hard about what your partner has told you.

- Think about the issues brought up and how they affect you and how they might affect her.

- Be honest with yourselves, identify the most important issues and take these points to a good councilor for help to deal with them.

To many couples can not get past the emotional, defensive feelings built up for a long time to really talk honestly and with respect to each others feelings and issues.

Hope it works out for you.

Good advice here. Especially if there are kids involved.

[Smokey]

Well you first came on here looking for a councillor now you don't want a councillor?
Just a suggestion but maybe actually listening to a councillor is your issue. If you are sitting there just thinking what a waste of time and money and not actually listening, accepting and going through the process you are doomed.
If you cannot listen to a professional you are paying I doubt you are listening to your wife and I really doubt you or your wife really know what the issue is and if you truly do and you cannot fix it then file now and stop wasting hers and your life "saving your marriage".

If you really do want to save your marriage look into an EAFP through your group benefits at work as marriage counselling is covered and is a free service!!

If its not worth it to you than the writing is on the wall.

Thanks

Im not the first or last person who have gone to a Councillor and had to find the right one. Im responding to your comment because I hope you don't tell everyone to just quit. Im not folding in the chair, albeit I feel like it. I appreciate the positive feedback from those who seek to help. One day when someone needs advice Ill pass on the favor. One gent said he and his wife went through similar circumstances and failed to get proper help, figured for now that's what we may try and maybe we will seek help down the road.

[winmag]

Sometimes couples are just not compatible ... sorry... and believe that the grass is not always greener on the other side... divorcees that council , single friends that council , money issues , kids and especially those sweet talkers can take their toll, seen it, in that order too. You have to learn to have trust in each other or it is over , find a older solid couple to talk with maybe there will be a hint of light .. best of luck

[Cement Bench]

1. there used to be some good books so look on the internet and see if something fits your issues, books are 30 bucks and less than one session

2. one of the mad scientist type talkers recommended here charge on the basis of income and have opened up a store in fort mac, why would anyone go to them, worse than ambulance chasers, more income the more you pay for a loaf of bread, mmmmmmmmm

3. the O P says he and the wifey know what the issues are so I cannot fathom why the third party cannot chat about them and let them know all cannot be solved in a session or 2, I can get to the point in 2 hours not 2 years,

4. after some of the sessions I did I them took the couple out to supper and continued to ask questions and see the responses and how they interacted with each other in public,

and I told them what I thought of each of them after it was done, and had more than one lady or guy walk away and the other said it was over within 30 days, so either I caused it or made sure the BLIND one see the light past the end of the tunnel vision,

5. once again books or dvd's can be a help, I am sure both have talked their collective butts off to others and each other, they may need a REFEREE, not someone to hold there hand and nod for 125 an hour,

if the O P iwshes to chat PM me and let me know what issues you think exist and maybe I can spend an hour for free,

and I hope the nay sayers will continue to blast the screen name or flog lawyers instead of sticking to the issue as this always helps out the O P and any others looking for internet advice, after it may well be what you pay for it


thinking out loud on a


Cement Bench :sHa_sarcasticlol:

[rwm1273]

IF ONE PARTY DOES NOT WANT TO SETTLE


THE OTHER CANNOT


question for all the nay sayers how many marriages have you saved lately, almost all fail within 2 years of counselling, check the stats,


al for all of you with the ability to use the search function

maybe see how many posts there are with guys (or gals) asking for help when the marriage is over,

whatsamatter cannot anyone take the truth and please remember


the so called lady did not want to talk about the issue and the marriage is tettering and the OP would go to a dumpster if it would help


no problem when it is over do not call me, I am busy,

those that know me know I solve problems not yak yak yak and oh by the way my bill is 800 bucks and you have had no progress,

maybe you hate lawyers (and so do I sometimes) but who you going to call, the rug doctor (old TV ad and radio ad)

if the wife and husband are sitting there putting up with spending money for nothing then the marriage is over already,

I wish OP luck because that is what he needs, apparently not good advice or getting to the issue,

go ahead take up a collection for the visits they will make without progress or resolution of the issue,

this could take no more than a few hours, because,


if one party does not want to change or settle

the other cannot,

have a nice day I hope it works out for the OP but chances are it will not,

and remember only some of us took calls on sunday night for years when the custody exchange went haywire and missed sunday supper almost every weekend so the clients could tlak to me at the time, and since I did not want to be a partner I did not share in the spoils of the money collected, just try to find a lawyer on a sunday now,

good day to all

and may the OP find peace and happiness within a year or two

Cement Bench (and yes I do like the attempts at humour they are good for the soul, but take the advice of the masses if you wish, they are not paying your bills either) :)

Lots of truth in your post. And from my experience with mediation, it didn't work, because my ex didn't want it to work. She knew that she would get all the spoils, and therefore had the upper hand. The only good that came from our mediation was when the mediator told me that my ex was going to be a real difficult person to deal with, and to find a good lawyer.

As for the OP, I do hope you find what you are looking for.

[rwm1273]

Well no you really down played the fact, either way 1-10 free sessions should get a person somewhere.

Exactly. If you don't find any solution in 1-10 sessions, then the counselor is just milking you for money.

[nekred]

Today she was talking for 10 mins on communication. I ignored her speech,

That says it all Right there!.....

[Cement Bench]

I hereby withdraw my offer to assist in a small way,

long weekends usually bring things like this to a tipping point and we have not heard from the OP

I wish them well, (not luck as it should never be luck)


later, off ot look at my guns

Cement Bench

[marxman]

Glad you are thick skinned c.b.

[Jimboy]

Councilers dont know squat , their just a glorifyed fortune teller lawyer thats out to take your money , what makes them experts on marrige , heck most of them are divorced themselves.
l been married 50 years now , l ,ll give ya advice , just shutup and let the woman rule , unless shes a crackhead drug addict or compulsive alcoholic , then ya just booter ass out the door

[Cement Bench]

what happened, if anything,

some of us actually put some thought into the help we tried to give and let us see how it turned out


Cement Bench still the cheapest lawyer in town

[Smokey]

My wife and I went to a conference last weekend, a couple core issues were addressed, and we came to mutual understanding of some of the things we need to work on. We are reading a book together, and figuring out church. (she and I were not attending much as things were strained)

Got more accomplished through a seminar then the 6 pointless sessions. Gave us a starting point. We may do councilling again, I read alot of the posts, and looked at some of the links and webpages of the councillors. A couple of them seemed like options for the future.

We did alot of awkward talking, a couple constructive conflicts sessions and we are charting a course. There is love in the relationship, frankly I think that will help pull us through. I appreciate some tough advice, and very much appreciated the encouragement. For all the BS you will see with social media, there is good when perfect strangers over a internet connection help others. Thanks.:sSig_cool2:

[connexion123]

Good luck smokey. Good on you for trying.

[outdoorguy]

we went to a Wilson ban well counsellor who s end advice was that we were too stubborn.... I think it's just whatever counsellor you get, that can make the difference. Biggest thing that I learnt don t sugar coat your feelings and be brutally honest where you stand otherwise you ll end up in the same place a few years from now. Good Luck!

[Mistagin]

Hey Smokey, good for you and your wife to try something positive. You are on the right track.
You can do it together, and your relationship has potential to become really great.

I'm not a pro counselor, just a simple pastor with some basic pastoral marriage-counselling training (and 37 years of personal experience, and some of those times were 'rough' :)). I do some pre-marriage 'counselling' with couples and in my role I sometimes have opportunity to try to help those who have hit 'rocky' patches - as I can help. You can't go wrong when you seek the help of the Author of marriage - namely God - marriage was His idea!

I've often said, "Since God can raise Jesus from the dead, He can certainly resurrect a troubled marriage and make it alive again too."

Blessings to you and your wife :happy0034:

[Cement Bench]

good on you

an agreement on some stuff is a good start,

hope it works out if y9ou need a small talk PM me

Jefferson

[RandyBoBandy]

what happened, if anything,

some of us actually put some thought into the help we tried to give and let us see how it turned out


Cement Bench still the cheapest lawyer in town

may have to have a chat with you :) and not because of the sig-line ;)

[roper1]

Glad to hear you are hanging in there. Hope you can now take the next step & make it a loving enjoyable connection. All the best

[Spidey]

Just a couple small thoughts on this topic from 18 years of work in the mental health field, however not all directly in couples work. A good psychologist or social worker will do a very comprehensive assessment up front. This should provide all parties the opportunity to feel as though they've been given the opportunity to put "all their cards on the table". From there the "work" begins, provided both people are engaged and willing participants. If not, then definitely an uphill climb. Often the first 2 or 3 sessions don't feel great, commonly known in the field as "first session blues" as lots of "stuff" is being dredged up. By session 3 or 4, both parties should be able to ascertain if there is any signs of progress. If not (and this could be for a variety of reasons), then it may be worth checking out other alternatives or moving on. Also, good therapists will give you good homework to do in between sessions.

My advice is to look for someone who has an MFT (marriage and family therapist) designation as they have completed formal training and hundreds of supervised hours specifically in this field (and a sex therapy sub specialty is an added plus, but difficult to find given that Alberta does not endorse this as widely as some other provinces and states) . Many psychologists and social workers do not have MFT specialized training but purport to be able to do this work. In my lived experience, marriage and family work can be very different than other types of counselling psychology.

EFAP programs must be researched VERY carefully. Some are notorious for underpaying their therapists which opens up all kinds of reasons why someone would contract their services to an EFAP. Years ago I was presenting at a conference and was asked by a large EFAP representative if I would consider providing services as there were limited EFAP therapists in the area where I lived. I asked what their requirement for professional registration and reimbursement range is per hour and she said between $35 and $70 depending on my qualifications and experience and that they take a variety of experiences not necessarily registered with a college. I asked what they billed the employer and she said she couldn't answer that question. I walked away.

Next, make sure you ask if they are registered to practice in Alberta under a recognized college (ACSW, PAA, etc.) If so, they are bound to the Health Professions Act in providing "psycho-social interventions" and you can also research if any grievances have been brought against them. The problem is that generic terms such as "therapist" and "counsellor" are unregulated and, as such, anyone can claim to work under these titles. Psychologist, Registered Social Worker, Registered MFT, are all regulated and the credentials and criteria for practice are much more stringent. That's not to say lay counsellors cannot be effective, but I'd say it's more open ended in who you actually get and the results can vary widely.

Lawyers...... hmmmm..... my sister is a lawyer so I have some good insight into the profession. My bias is they don't like to work or spend much time in the "grey" and may be a bit predisposed to "dismantling" rather than "reconciling" but again this is my bias given my lived professional experiences. However, lawyers and mediators are often able to cut to the chase which usually reveals if only one or both parties are willing to do the work.

Just my 2 cents on this very interesting topic!