Seasonal depression

[MrMister12]

Hi boys and girls, I hope everyone had a good Christmas and is ready for the new year.

I’m just wondering if anyone else here goes through extreme depression this time of year. And how do you deal with it? I’m single, and have been for way too long, and this time of year is just brutal on my mind. I want to be happy, but to be honest, seeing happy people just makes it worse. I’m not looking for sympathy, just suggestions on how to alleviate the depression to a bearable level. I’ve basically stopped doing most of the activities I like doing, mainly because I just don’t find them as entertaining when doing them alone. I’m not a very social person, so meeting friends isn’t easy.

Bah, that’s enough whining.

Thanks
Matt

[huntinstuff]

Matt
How old are you and where do you live

Knowing that will help us help you

[Scott N]

Best thing you could do is talk to your doctor about your options.

[MrMister12]

My bad. I’m 35 and live east of Sherwood Park. Strathcona County.

[Flatlandliver]

best thing you could do is talk to your doctor about your options.

x1000
Just having the stones to make the post is a very good sign. Seeking professional help is nothing to be afraid or ashamed of.

[MrMister12]

I appreciate the suggestion to see a doctor, but I haven’t been to a doctor in 15 years. And when I brought it up back then they just gave me drugs, which made things so much worse. And after telling them it made it worse they just upped the dosage. So I don’t trust doctors anymore.

[ssyd]

I appreciate the suggestion to see a doctor, but I haven’t been to a doctor in 15 years. And when I brought it up back then they just gave me drugs, which made things so much worse. And after telling them it made it worse they just upped the dosage. So I don’t trust doctors anymore.

My doctor gave me a choice: Drugs or counseling. That's basically what your options are. Not sure if you could go to counseling without a referral but if you did need one you could get a medi-centre doctor to write one up.

My doctor ended up giving me Welbutrin instead of some zombifying anti-depressant. Helps me get out of bed in the morning and as a bonus if you wanna quit smoking, that's what it was originally developed for.

As for a doctor, you'll never find a good one if you never try. Mine's hours are TERRIBLE but I trust his opinion and trust him not to just push pills. I had the same opinion of doctors as you.

[MooseRiverTrapper]

Exercise. Start playing shinny. Go to gym. Get a sweat on.

[sarahfaye]

Make sure our vitamin D levels are not low. Most are. I take 6000mg a day.
Good luck and Happy New Year

[58thecat]

Exercise. Start playing shinny. Go to gym. Get a sweat on.

This here is my escape, giv'er hard, the body needs to get the blood flowing, cleanses the soul. You would be surprised if you go to a work out class etc just how good it will do you. Oh and you might meet someone too.

[Flatlandliver]

This here is my escape, giv'er hard, the body needs to get the blood flowing, cleanses the soul. You would be surprised if you go to a work out class etc just how good it will do you. Oh and you might meet someone too.

It’s good advise but it’s temporary and won’t address deep seated issues. Way better then hitting a bottle or the casino for sure but it sounds to me like our young friend could benefit from quality professional care.

[TomP]

I live in an extremely rainy area and while my seasonal moods are not extreme they are very noticeable. As someone mentioned I take vitamin D daily. Excercise helpsa tonne

[Flatlandliver]

I appreciate the suggestion to see a doctor, but I haven’t been to a doctor in 15 years. And when I brought it up back then they just gave me drugs, which made things so much worse. And after telling them it made it worse they just upped the dosage. So I don’t trust doctors anymore.

You may (I hope) find that Doctors will treat your concerns much differently as a 35 y/o then they did as a 20 y/o.

[MrMister12]

Thanks everyone, I appreciate all the input. Nice to have some positive reinforcement.

[buckbrush]

Exercise. Start playing shinny. Go to gym. Get a sweat on.

Easy to say but tough to do when you are already in a low spot. Very true though. Do what ever you can to get moving even if you have to reluctantly talk yourself into it. Trust me it will be worth it and will become easier the more you do.

Counseling is a good idea, might help you find underlying issues you hadn't considered. Making treatment actually work.

Like already stated, you have made a HUGE first step just identifying and making this thread. It took me years of denial and fear of being judged to understand something was wrong.

Looking into the vitamins also would be a good idea, we are all lacking something and its amazing how much it can change ones mood.

Best wishes, it will get better.

[pinelakeperch]

Stay busy, and always have something to look forward to. Plan a trip every week or two. It doesn't have to be big, maybe just a new lake that you haven't fished before or something. Having something to look forward to makes a big difference for me.

[MrMister12]

I’ve tried trips, and making plans. I just don’t find things fun to do alone anymore. But I’ve been doing EVERYTHING alone for more than a decade, which has more or less taken away the joy I used to get doing them.

[Smoky buck]

Get involved with a club or organization that will put you in contact with people you share a common interest with. This could possibly lead you to find people to join you in activities you enjoyed in the past

Plus you never know you may find a hot chick and get lucky lol

Put yourself out there and find things you enjoy

[Flatlandliver]

I’ve tried trips, and making plans. I just don’t find things fun to do alone anymore. But I’ve been doing EVERYTHING alone for more than a decade, which has more or less taken away the joy I used to get doing them.

There is a big difference in being alone and being lonely. Be careful about just taking someone along for the ride without sorting your “stuff” out. Get yourself heathy in body and spirit and I bet you won’t be alone or lonely for long.

[pinelakeperch]

I’ve tried trips, and making plans. I just don’t find things fun to do alone anymore. But I’ve been doing EVERYTHING alone for more than a decade, which has more or less taken away the joy I used to get doing them.

Sounds like it's time to step outside of your comfort zone, which is far easier said than done.

Try dating apps, friend apps, reach out to someone in the forum to fish or hunt together. By the sounds of it, those things likely will make you feel uncomfortable, but you might want to consider that remaining uncomfortable doing those things hasn't improved your situation. It might just take doing something that you don't necessarily want to do, or don't feel comfortable doing. That way of living doesn't sound to be working for you. Good luck!

Just an idea :)

[Purple Farmer]

Matt,

Congratulations on posting this, it is a great step in the right direction.

As others have said please talk to your doctor and go from there.

A very Happy new year to you Matt.

[Dewey Cox]

I think you just have to put yourself put there and into social settings.
I'm about the same age as you, and if I didn't trick my wife into marrying me 12 years ago I'd be in the same boat.
I imagine most of your friends have families now, and your lives aren't compatable anymore. So you'll have to find new friends, and that sounds like a lot of hard work to me.
Try curling. I think most rinks will have a learn to curl class, and they usually have a sign up for people without a team.
When the weather gets nicer, try shooting trap.
Churches have alot of social events, if you're in to that scene.
Get involved with a political campaign. That should get you around people especially in this coming year.
Most of the bachelors I know that are my age and older just run out of single friends to hang out with, and kind of turn into hermits a little bit.
Just get out there and meet new people. It will be uncomfortable and more work that just staying at home, but it will pay off I think.

[bloopbloob]

Hi Matt. Just posting this here is a big step.

I suffer from depression as well. I also hate going to doctors. Telling someone who hates going to doctors to go see a doctor, isn't going to work for most, at least not at first. Feel free to talk it out on here, with some like-minded individuals. It's a great group (for the most part, haha). I am anti-social, hate big crowds and groups, but get some social interaction by posting on this site. It's somewhat of an outlet for my social ineptitude

What do you do for work?

[Ken07AOVette]

Sounds like you have broomed the toxicity in your life, which is good
Now, you need to make some friends.
AO used to be a wonderful place for meeting people, and there are still little groups that meet all the time. I think the boys may still be doing Wingsday which is a lot of fun. I would go more but the 7 hour roundtrip makes it pretty much nil for me.
We used to have impromptu meet and greets, hang out at wholesale sports or Bass Pro, wander around the trade shows together. I have met some amazing people because of this site.

What are your hobbies? If you happen to name something that a member has similar interests in, it could lead to lifelong friendships.

There are a lot of lonely people in the forums Matt. There shouldn't be, but someone has to make the first move. You have done that, now maybe you can make some contacts.

What are your interests?

[jdwilson]

As others have said, exercise may not solve your issue completely, but it will hopefully help a little, and certainly wont hurt.

https://www.runsociety.com/health-injuries/doctors-say-running-helps-depression-are-they-telling-the-truth/

Also, do you listen to podcasts? I find myself moving alot because of work and am a little anti-social, which equals someone with not alot of personal connections. I found just listening to podcasts (JRE, Jocko, Skeptic tank, etc) makes me feel like I am part of a "community" in a way. Maybe kind of weird to hear, but it works for me.

[ditch donkey]

Get off the computer!!!!!!!!

Facebook, Twitter, this site, everything else!

People mainly post all of their life’s positives, which is fine, but that’s all you see. And it leaves a person wondering why their life isn’t as awesome as everyone else. But everyone’s life has some aspect of garbage.

That’s advice that was given to me, and it’s some of the best advice I’ve been given.

Usually in early December my wife tells me it’s time to take a vitamin d supplement.

Go for a run. It’s good for your brain. Probably your body too. If you’re too fat to run, like me, run for 1 block, walk for 2.

Talk to everyone! Old guy at the grocery store, 6 year old in line at Tim’s, men, ladies, everyone! Some don’t want to talk. That’s ok. Try understand why, use that to make your next chat better.

[RavYak]

PM sent but just wanted to say there is some other good information posted here and expand on some of it.

This sounds a lot more like regular depression than seasonal depression. The seasonal aspect is just what is tipping you over the edge.

For anyone else reading this thread going through similar issues there is a good book called Breaking the Patterns of Depression by Michael D. Yapko that has helped me figure a couple things out. As it hints we are meant to be social creatures and a big part of depression is usually due to struggling to meet personal expectations/goals. Based on what you have said so far it sounds like you need to try and get more socially active and try to find some more meaning in your life.

Don't write off medication. It isn't an end all cure but it can help in tough times and there are links between low serotonin and depression they just aren't sure which causes which(probably can happen either way). If your doctor doesn't seem helpful then trying to find a better one might be key, there are different types of medications not all of them work the exact same way and some have different side effects etc. There are also other diseases which can cause depression like symptoms so definitely should get blood tests and a physical done if you haven't done that in a while.

Counselling of course is helpful too. If you can find a good counsellor and you tell them everything then they can and will help you out.

[1899b]

If it’s regular depression you may be dealing with I urge you to get your testosterone levels checked. Also get a dose of ultraviolet lights (tanning bed) every once in awhile. The lack of sun during our winters can be a real killer...

[MrMister12]

Wow, thank you all so much for the support. I must be pretty broken, I’m a bit choked up by all the positive feedback lol thank you.

I work on a cattle:grain farm, been doing this for 15 years now. Love the job, and the family I work with. Not always a fan of the hours.

Hobbies are anything outside, hiking, fishing, quadding, hunting, shooting, archery...inside stuff I reload, tie flys

[1899b]

If it’s regular depression you may be dealing with I urge you to get your testosterone levels checked. Also get a dose of ultraviolet lights (tanning bed) every once in awhile. The lack of light during our winters can be a real killer...[

[huntinstuff]

if it’s regular depression you may be dealing with i urge you to get your testosterone levels checked. Also get a dose of ultraviolet lights (tanning bed) every once in awhile. The lack of light during our winters can be a real killer...[

x2

x2

[Ken07AOVette]

Wow, thank you all so much for the support. I must be pretty broken, I’m a bit choked up by all the positive feedback lol thank you.

I work on a cattle:grain farm, been doing this for 15 years now. Love the job, and the family I work with. Not always a fan of the hours.

Hobbies are anything outside, hiking, fishing, quadding, hunting, shooting, archery...inside stuff I reload, tie flys

Matt you just went through the hardest part, telling someone you want help. Getting it should be a little easier. Feeling choked up is a great sign, you can accept the fact that good people care.

As much as I hate social media for it's manure I also appreciate it for the wealth of information it can offer, and the chance to meet like-minded people. You just have to weed through the bs to find the right ones.

Ask here and on other sites (facebook, etc) if anyone wants to go ice fishing. Teach how to tie flies. Offer to help people with reloading. Ask in the Archery forum if anyone wants to meet up at one of the city shops to go target shooting and tuning. Share some knowledge, make some friends.

[bloopbloob]

Wow, thank you all so much for the support. I must be pretty broken, I’m a bit choked up by all the positive feedback lol thank you.

I work on a cattle:grain farm, been doing this for 15 years now. Love the job, and the family I work with. Not always a fan of the hours.

Hobbies are anything outside, hiking, fishing, quadding, hunting, shooting, archery...inside stuff I reload, tie flys

You're not broken. You reached out, and people care.
I've had plenty of dark days, I know what it's like on a very personal level. I don't like people in general, but it's engrained in our human needs to have social interaction. I can count my trusted circle of friends on one hand, and probably still have the middle finger left to flip. Working on a farm will make it tough to expand your circle. Might sound stupid, but maybe find a part time job somewhere. Maybe somewhere you would never think of working. Not for the money, but for the interaction and contacts you will make. Make a friend, who introduces you to their group of friends and it just grows...

[MrDave]

Got that problem too. Plus anxiety on top. The biggest problem seems to be how to meet people. Wife and I are isolated in a town of 7800. We are both children of alcoholic parents, raised in a world of drunkenness. So meeting people who want to go drinking isn't our gig.
I told my doctor I was feeling depressed and he told Mr to call the 1-800 number. That was his response, so don't expect much. I called and got quizzed by some lady. She wants to get to know me better.
Now I've been sent to see a clinic an hour and a half away because its WCB sponsored. Life is fun.

I bought a puppy and that helps, but not recommended. I suppose there isn't any outdoors group around, unless its the old boys club type. Maybe start looking at something like that.

When was your last vacation? Time to go take a break.

[huntinstuff]

Im thinking at 35 you should never be at home until its bedtime

Out. Anywhere.

Be aware of your surroundings

Women will look. Some smile. Nothing wrong with you breaking ice. Be a professional ice breaker. Whether its the girl serving you a coffee or a lady who just looks nice. Compliments are easy to give. Do it.

Being nice is attractive. Kindness goes a long way. It wont be long before it all clicks

[alacringa]

I get you. I live permanently with depression, but the winter months (when I get to work in the dark and go home in the dark and it's freezing frickin cold half the time) are especially difficult. My meds take the edge off, but it's always there, especially when I don't get out. I'm a little bit older than you and also single. Not sure if it fits in with your socialization description, but I'm also extremely introverted so not really into doing "group things" (I'm usually hiding in the corner at parties).
I find my dog helps a lot (not that I recommend getting a dog). If he doesn't get his hour-long walk in the evening, he's going to be a monkey in the house. He's the main thing I live for - I love seeing him happy.
One of my biggest problems has been self-medication with alcohol (a depressant), which has not been helpful, so avoid that at all costs. If you're already doing it, take steps to stop.
Counselling works for some folks. It didn't do much for me, but might be worth giving it a shot. Talk with your doctor. They can run some tests, and give you some recommendations and/or a prescription if necessary. Best of luck with this.

[Ken07AOVette]

Im thinking at 35 you should never be at home until its bedtime

Out. Anywhere.

Be aware of your surroundings

Women will look. Some smile. Nothing wrong with you breaking ice. Be a professional ice breaker. Whether its the girl serving you a coffee or a lady who just looks nice. Compliments are easy to give. Do it.

Being nice is attractive. Kindness goes a long way. It wont be long before it all clicks

Heed these very intelligent well thought out words. They come from a very smart man.

[huntinstuff]

Heed these very intelligent well thought out words. They come from a very smart man.

LOL

The guy who has more female friends than guy friends. IM CURSED!!!!!

Ive been educated fairly well by them. I listen. Sometimes I wish I was alone on a different planet, but mostly they are the best thing ever.......

One thing is for sure. Kindness, confidence, honesty and courage go further than looks and money.

Women always call me ugly, UNTIL they find out how much money I have......then they call me ugly AND broke!!!!!!

[Ken07AOVette]

LOL

The guy who has more female friends than guy friends. IM CURSED!!!!!

Ive been educated fairly well by them. I listen. Sometimes I wish I was alone on a different planet, but mostly they are the best thing ever.......

One thing is for sure. Kindness, confidence, honesty and courage go further than looks and money.

Women always call me ugly, UNTIL they find out how much money I have......then they call me ugly AND broke!!!!!!

:sHa_sarcasticlol:

yeah, and are out of shape and bald..... c'mon now. Stop it. (write that damn book, just remember, very first copy to me, signed.) :)

[walking buffalo]

Hi Matt,


Lots of understanding from those who have been communicating with you.

I get what you're saying, and have a hunch that this is MUCH worse than you are admitting.


With caring, I'm going to call you out.

Straight up, feeling and acting like this for so long is not "seasonal" or "normal" depression,
This is Chronic Depression.
The deep funk is hardwired.
Very tough to live with, and very tough to change.



For tonight, Unless you are busy with something good, ignore the previous comment to get off-line
Stay here and join the conversation on other threads.
Start a thread on something you like.



Tomorrow is a chance for a brand new beginning, if you want it, and will do what it takes.

Answer your messages. :)

[brohymn2]

Sent a pm

Sent from my SM-G965W using Tapatalk

[huntinstuff]

Hi Matt,


Lots of understanding from those who have been communicating with you.

I get what you're saying, and have a hunch that this is MUCH worse than you are admitting.


With caring, I'm going to call you out.

Straight up, feeling and acting like this for so long is not "seasonal" or "normal" depression,
This is Chronic Depression.
The deep funk is hardwired.
Very tough to live with, and very tough to change.



For tonight, Unless you are busy with something good, ignore the previous comment to get off-line
Stay here and join the conversation on other threads.
Start a thread on something you like.



Tomorrow is a chance for a brand new beginning, if you want it, and will do what it takes.

Answer your messages. :)

I hear the sound of a nail getting hit perfectly on the head

[huntinstuff]

Matt

This isn’t anything you can’t fix. You sound like an outdoorsy guy. Sounds like you’re a hard worker who knows his stuff. Very good quality to have. What else do you like to do? What else would you LIKE to do?

What Im getting at is your world sounds like it needs to expand. You’re good at what you do, but there HAS to be more, right? There is.

New interests and experiences. Take a look at upcoming Edmonton events. Concerts. Plays. Dance/social gatherings. Pick 3 that put you out of your comfort zone. Attend. Be open minded. Be a little social. Stay late.

I’m sitting here on NYE with 6 friends. They are ALL providing input for you. It’s what we are doing right now because frankly, you’re worth it. Don’t know you, but that’s irrelevant. You posted and it hit a nerve. So we and everyone here is making effort to help. Now it’s your turn
I’m just the typist. The ladies are giving the ideas. I think they’re onto something.

It won’t happen overnight, but it damn well will happen.

And apparently “Happy” for men by Clinique is alluring.......whatever the hell that means

Lisa says “ get out there, anywhere, and be noticed. Staying at home sucks”

[MrMister12]

Thanks everyone. I was pretty unsure about posting about this, but you all have really made my day, even year a whole lot better.

I don’t drink, quit 15 years ago....maybe that’s the cause :sHa_sarcasticlol:

I hope everyone is having a good New Year’s Eve! Be safe!

[walking buffalo]

I hear the sound of a nail getting hit perfectly on the head

Still hit my thumb pretty often.

Worth the risk either way.


Thanks everyone. I was pretty unsure about posting about this, but you all have really made my day, even year a whole lot better.

I don’t drink, quit 15 years ago....maybe that’s the cause :sHa_sarcasticlol:

I hope everyone is having a good New Year’s Eve! Be safe!


Happy New Year Matt!

[ETOWNCANUCK]

This last week for the Holidays has had me feeling pretty low. Christmas as it is the majority of the time, is just another day. After work on Christmas Eve I sat in my truck when I got home and cried. It became overwhelming, the loneliness.
I have had worser Christmases and been way off worse in life in the past but I would just suck it up and move on with whatever was occurring at any stage in my life. Too the point that it has become all too familiar.

Two years ago now I went to my doctor and asked for help. I asked to be put on Anti-depressants and went and saw a therapist once a month,and every month since then. It has helped tremendously and I have overcome many obstacles. I learned about Cognitive Behaviour and changing things that are negative.
And it took time. And a lot of effort. But I knew that I could no longer live like that and that something needed to be done, before I fell so far that I couldn’t make it back. I have hit rock bottom before and it really sucked. So when I saw similarities happening again I knew I needed help.

That alone has been a hard row to hoe, but I have done it. It has taken many years and a lot of hard work to come back from that, not without a few set backs though.

I have had to learn to take care of myself, that it was ok to prioritize things for myself.
I wasn’t comfortable in my own home let alone my own skin.

This past year I really put a lot of effort into a lot of things. I changed almost everything I could. Every stitch of clothing, painted my place different colours , overhauled other areas, lost weight, grew out a beard, I get plenty of sleep and I keep doing things different from when I used to do them.

I worked on my mind, body and soul and it has helped me to be a better version of myself, I don’t recognize the ‘man in the mirror’ (not just because of the beard.) Smoking a little bit of weed has helped to calm my mind, help me to be more productive and to overall feel better about myself and my life.

So why was I crying on Christmas Eve?
It reminded me that I have come along way, but still have further to go.
So after my pity party, I decided that I would not let another Christmas come and go and be the same thing again in 2019.

That’s my goal amongst other ones for 2019. Keep getting better, keep changing, keep moving out of my comfort zone, a little bit at a time.
Because I am in control of my own life and I can not let the negativity destroy me.

One can overcome depression. It requires admitting to yourself that you need help and actually seeking it out.
If you are not getting from your doctor what you think you need, then find another one.
If Big Pharm doesn’t sound good, then try the other Big Farm and smoke a little.

Oh and don’t care what anyone else says. Do what you think will help your life. And when you find what works, keep doing it.
Anyone that doesn’t support you in your efforts are not worth your time or effort and that negativity needs to go.

Get a dog if you can, pet therapy is great. And when you have a happy pup to greet you everyday, and shows you unconditional love because you are his person and will comfort you when you are down, really helps.

Nothing happens overnight, but the things worth doing take time and effort and usually come with a bit of hard work, but the rewards are great.

One day at a time, it’s your life and it’s all about you. You will be offered and have been offered many good ideas to help. But it all comes down to what you accept and do with it.
No one can help you if you are not prepared to help your self.

Good luck and all the best in 2019.

[58thecat]

It’s good advise but it’s temporary and won’t address deep seated issues. Way better then hitting a bottle or the casino for sure but it sounds to me like our young friend could benefit from quality professional care.

Gotta start somewhere and if issues continue reach out and talk, seek advice.

Great advice from ETOWNCANUCK.

Best of luck.

[Ken07AOVette]

Etown and everyone else that is having trouble I hope you / we have a great 2019 and beyond for many decades. We all need some little victories.

[Sporty]

I suffer from seasonal depression as well. Rather than take meds, I take vitamin D, Vitamin B12 (the sublingual as it absorbs quicker) and I have a SAD light that I turn on within the first hour of waking for 20 to 30 minutes. I typically use it when I'm having my morning coffee and reading the news. My doctor was the one who recommended the light, she also says that everyone in North America should supplement with Vitamin D year round. Once I started using the lamp, 2 years ago, the seasonal depression has been much easier to manage. As others suggested, exercise or some other type of hobbies might help. I got into painting and it's amazing how an hour of painting can really lift my mood.

Happy New Year and good luck. Lots of great advise and support here! :)

[Sundancefisher]

Thanks everyone. I was pretty unsure about posting about this, but you all have really made my day, even year a whole lot better.

I don’t drink, quit 15 years ago....maybe that’s the cause :sHa_sarcasticlol:

I hope everyone is having a good New Year’s Eve! Be safe!

You stay safe!

You are not alone in feeling depressed. Many experience depression at some point in their life and often don't realize it. Some have more chronic or major depression. You are not different and it is not your fault.

Now that you feel comfortable to talk about it you can take further proactive steps. Be part of the solution. Be open to change but not gullible.

Be honest with your doctor. If you have a health care plan with psychological coverage get an assessment. Doctor may want you to see a psychiatrist. The more people you talk to the more you will understand your condition.

Look after your health...eat right, stay clean, get exercise and get outside.

When it comes to relationships... Work on the above first and foremost. Be nice, laid back and level headed and don't try to make/force something happen by trying too hard. There is the right person for everyone out there and often love is found when not expecting it.

Support on AOF is super great for you however no one can diagnose you over the internet.

Stay good in 2019!

Sun

[wildbill]

Thanks everyone. I was pretty unsure about posting about this, but you all have really made my day, even year a whole lot better.

I don’t drink, quit 15 years ago....maybe that’s the cause :sHa_sarcasticlol:

I hope everyone is having a good New Year’s Eve! Be safe!

I too feel your pain, what is the nature of your sobriety?
If yer in the program, I strongly suggest doing the 12 steps, I had struggled all of my life with depression, and have always been a recluse, I kind of just don’t like people, in a certain way, or maybe I just hate fake people, I know I’ve got family that thinks they are superior to everyone, don’t waste my time with them.
There are people who portray being happy all the time too (just like social media, it had happened way before then too, fake happy, fake people.)
I played sports heavy in high school, pumped iron like crazy, very physically active, but, it always had a grip on me, to be surrounded by friends and family didn’t matter, seemed to make it worse, then having an old school dad who “didn’t talk about those sorts of things” just sort of made it impossible for me to deal with.
So age 15, I start experimenting with drugs and alcohol, and went fer a good 13 years hard, then smartened up and had a huge void in my life left by my addictions.
That was my lowest point in my intire life, a year almost to the day of my sobriety, I had mentally reran every mistake I had done over and over, for me, I truly am my worst enemy, no one can mentally beat me up worse than I can.
Now, what actually worked for me were steps 4 and 5.
I found writing down step 4 was the first step to saving my life, (regardless if someone is in a 12 step program I strongly suggest theses steps to anyone struggling with depression) write it down, get it out of your head, be honest, then step 5 you admit the nature of your wrongs, choose wisely the person you share this information with, I can honestly say it felt like a different world when I finished doing it, a true awakening.
What I learned was, I ain’t that bad a person, maybe a bit of jerk, but that ain’t never gonna change.
This time of year, puts people in the bottom of the valley, for sure, it was\is the worst time of year for me.
A bit of a background, I’ve been dealing with depression since I was five, and was forced to see shrinks and therapists, pretty much my whole life up until about 12 years ago. Did the medication, but all that really did for me personally was numb my problem, and really hinder another area of my life (:love:).
For me I have to be mentally prepared for the worst, it works for me.
Now don’t get me wrong, not every day is perfect, but, she gets real, I am prepared.
Part of it was not having a wife and kids, but, now I’ve got them, and guess what? I wish I was single again! I love them to death, but dang, I sure do love being on the river by myself.
One last thing, if you’ve got tenants inside you’re head,it’s time to evict them!
Hope that helps, got a million things I could say on this subject, hope it ain’t too confusing, and, happy New Year!

[Blastoff]

Matt shoot me a pm in mid May or early June, I live at a lake 1.5 hrs east of you, we can spend a weekend sitting around the fire pit, kayaking, ride bush trails on Mtn bike, lots of outdoor activity to do, got some good neighbors and I have a spare room. Cheers

[Jayhad]

Google Exercise depression and read the info.

I know several people with depression, all have tried meds, most rely on exercise and say it's much more effective.

[sns2]

Thank you to all who have contributed. This is a regularly occurring topic on AO. Might make it a sticky. Lord knows it is more important than 30-06 vs 270:)

OP, you have been given great advice, and no one has been stupid and told you to pull up your own bootstraps. That burns me because that kind of advice only worsens things.

I have been there myself, and as a high school teacher, am surrounded by young people who wrestle with this.

So in summary...

1) Go see your doctor. If yours is no good then go to a walk in medicentre and tell what you have told us.

2) Do not be afraid of medication. This ain't the 70s. Sure some anti-depressants have side effects, but many do not have any at all. I speak from experience. If you have a lack of seratonin in your body, all the other advice you've been given won't do anything and you will still feel terrible.

3) Counselors can help greatly to identify unhealthy patterns, bring understanding, and give skillful advice. Plus it is good to talk to someone who understands all you are feeling.

4) Get out there socially no matter how introverted you are. We were not built to live in isolation.

5) Physical activity is key and it is free. And I am not talking about being a weightlifter or running a marathon, though I tip my hat to those who are. Just be active. Sweat is a great medicine and it's free.

6) Stay away from booze. Booze makes things worse not better. That's fact.

7) Some have mentioned pot. I have read that it has been successful in helping depression, though I would go see a doctor about this first.

8) Find a woman. Any woman will do. May help you sweat a bit too. LOL.

9) Hobbies. I know for a fact there are guys in your area that would gladly have you join them. Tell the forum where you live.

10) Vitamins and light therapy help greatly with seasonal depression, but I would bet my house you've got full on garden variety depression.

11) Read for understanding. Ravyak mentioned a great book. Get it and read it.

12) Do not even think of trying only one. A holistic treatment plan is by far the most effective. Cherry picking advice will leave you in the exact same spot.

13) Put more creedence in advice from people who have lived it. Armchair critics are a pain in the arse.

I wish you the best.

[omega50]

One therapist 20 years ago asked me whether or not I felt that depression was simply rage internalized.
Food for thought
Finding an outlet might be helpful

[huntinstuff]

One therapist 20 years ago asked me whether or not I felt that depression was simply rage internalized.
Food for thought
Finding an outlet might be helpful

True

And remember, Fear is just Excitement in need of an attitude adjustment

[buckbrush]

And remember, Fear is just Excitement in need of an attitude adjustment

Wow! That hit me. I've never thought of it like that before but in most cases it is true...

[1899b]

True

And remember, Fear is just Excitement in need of an attitude adjustment

That is so awesome...

[amosfella]

Look up Jordan Peterson on Joe Rogan about diet on you tube. You may find an answer there.

[bloopbloob]

Anybody had any contact with Matt, since 8:07pm last night? That is his last posted activity on here. I sent him an unanswered PM last night, I know others have pm'd as well. Been checking activity all day, and nothing.... This hits close to home and I genuinely care about your well being Matt!

[buckbrush]

Anybody had any contact with Matt, since 8:07pm last night? That is his last posted activity on here. I sent him an unanswered PM last night, I know others have pm'd as well. Been checking activity all day, and nothing.... This hits close to home and I genuinely care about your well being Matt!

No, I sent him a PM last night and have been checking all day also.

[bloopbloob]

That's not very good news.... Just another bump.
I know it was called 'seasonal depression', but I know by the way everything was worded, it seemed deeper. I've been there. Not even fully back, but at least I'm in a better place now.

Hope you are well Matt, please just say hi to someone at least. I've lost a couple friends to this, and I've been pretty close there myself. Been checking this thread and your status every couple hours, since yesterday, waiting to see something... Just a Hi would be great to see.....

[walking buffalo]

Matt got in touch last night. Said he was busy for a couple of days and would contact me again then....

I hear you Bloop, would be reassuring to hear from him sooner.

Your turn Matt. ;)

[RavYak]

Matt,

Here is a brief section of the book I mentioned earlier(Breaking the Patterns of Depression by Michael Yapko) that seems to have a few similarities to the situation you have described. I hope you aren't going through this hard of a time, but even if you are know that you have the support of us on here and that you are far from the only one that has struggled with things like this.

The Case of Jim

The desert, especially while in full bloom, had always been Jim's favorite place to go on vacation. "Lord knows I need to get away now more than ever," Jim told himself. He was trying to build some enthusiasm for this trip. It didn't work, though. His mind always seemed to spin back to a review of the last eight months. He knew Marcy had been unhappy with him at some level; she shuffled around the house with a creepy, defeated look that Jim hated. He found himself gradually withdrawing from here and taking his frustration out on her two young children. "I never should have got involved with a divorced woman with children," Jim said to himself for the millionth time. "I should have known better."

While he absentmindedly finished loading his truck with camping supplies for his weekend getaway, Jim recalled Marcy's parting words as clearly as if she were saying them to him right then. They hurt every bit as much as when she'd said them. He didn't want to be so hurt ever again, not after this mess and after his gut-wrenching divorce from Bobbi years earlier. Jim had suffered horribly until he let Marcy reach out to him. He had spent years virtually alone, doing nothing but going to work and coming home. And being depressed. Feeling that he would never smile again. Feeling he would never make a relationship work with anyone, even a single friend. Jim felt he was a useless human being.

At work, Jim managed to avoid others. He would hear other people laugh and tell jokes, and it could make him cry sometimes when he was alone that he couldn't find anything funny in their stories. He often would get angry at the superficiality of such people, how insensitive they were to his suffereing. Didn't they know he was in emotional pain? Didn't anyone care enough to want to help him? How could they be so happy when he was so miserable?

Then Marcy came along, out of nowhere, it seemed. They met awkwardly, dated awkwardly, and then all of a sudden professed undying love to each other. Very confusing. Things were great for the first couple of years, but then Jim's feelings changed. Why? He didn't know. But Marcy could tell. And Jim could tell that she could tell. He knew from those defeated looks she so often had about her. They made him wonder why he could feel so indifferent to someone so nice.

Jim knew he needed this vacation. He needed to try to spark some life in himself again. Either that, or just give up totally and fade away forever. He didn't seem to care about anything anymore. He had been reprimanded by his supervisor for his declining work performance and had felt even worse when he realized he didn't care that he'd been reprimanded. He felt like saying to his supervisor, "Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn," but he couldn't do more than think it. He wished it amused him to think it, too, but it didn't. Nothing did.

Packing the truck with supplies fatigued Jim. He felt sad that he was going by himself, and for a moment thought about not going at all. Sometimes he could really drive himself crazy by feeling one way one minute, and feeling the opposite the next minute. Like going camping and staying home. Like living and dying.

With a push from someplace inside-he wasn't sure where-Jim climbed into his truck, started it up, and left. He tried again to convince himself that he was going to have a good time in his favorite place. For a fraction of a second, he almost believed it.

Hours later, Jim did everything just right to build a comfortable campsite. He scanned the vast horizon and saw no evidence of another human being-just cactuses, desert shrubs, and a dark, clear night sky with an unbelievable number of stars to gaze at. Jim looked up, took his rapid fill of the remarkable sight, and promptly became even more depressed as he realized that he wasn't feeling any better there. He was guilty that being there didn't make any difference; he still felt rotten. "If this doesn't help, nothing will," That thought scared him and made him feel even more hopeless than wen a part of him still hoped the desert would cure his pain. He made a small fire and cooked some food, but, too preoccupied, he burned it. After he ate the little that was edible, he looked around and sat and listened to the silence. The thought passed through Jim's mind again and again; "If something bad were to happen to me out here, it would be a long time before anyone found out about it."

Discussion of Jim's Case

The intense emotional suffering of depression is the chief reason for its official categorization as a "mood disorder" by the mental health profession. In Jim's case, he showed all of the worst symptoms associated with depression: ambivalence (mixed feelings that can prevent you from moving forward in life), the loss of gratification, the loss of a sense of humor, feelings of inadequacy, the loss of emotional attachments (being apathetic or uncaring about things, sadness, excessive guilt, anger, the loos of motivation, the inability to experience pleasure (called "anhedonia"), utter powerlessness and hopelessness, and extremely low self-esteem.

This kind of intense emotional suffering is what leads people to have thoughts of suicide, just as Jim did. No suicidal person I have ever treated really wanted to die. Rather, he wanted to escape what seemed to be the unbearable pain of living. Suicide is a horribly desperate thing to do. People can and do recover from depression. There is no recovery from suicide. I'll say more about suicide in Chapter 5. What I want you to know now, however, is that things can and will get better. And when they do, you really should be here.

And some of the best advice in the book.

Your past may be hurtful, your present circumstances may be excruciating, but your future hasn't happened yet. Your future has not happened yet! Yes, you need to shift your focus from the past to the future, and yes, to create a better future you need to take action now. Doing things in the same crummy way only assures you of the same crummy results.

The need to "do something different" is obvious when what you're doing isn't working.

[MrMister12]

Hey guys/gals, sorry for the absence. Between my cell dying and poor service I haven’t been able to check in. I didn’t mean to cause concern. I really appreciate all of the information and experiences you’ve all shared, and Im starting to see some hope. I really can’t express how much your support has helped me through the last couple days. I’m not usually one to ask for help, but I’m glad I did.

All I have with me now is my cell, which I find hard to write long messages on. I will be heading home tomorrow, and will be sure to re-read and reply to everyone’s pms. Again, thank you all!

I spent the day cutting/splitting firewood for mom and dad, getting my sweat on. Felt good to get out and get something done! And good to get my mind off life. Not looking forward to the long drive home tomorrow.

I hope everyone had a good January 1st!!

[IR_mike]

Which general area are you coming from...a coffee along the way might make the long trip shorter.

[MrMister12]

Driving from Houston BC to east of Edmonton.

[IR_mike]

Check the site on the way home....you never know who else would want a sit down along the way.

It wont be me I am 2.5 hrs NE of Edmonton.

Have a good trip. :)

[MrMister12]

Will do, thanks.

[buckbrush]

Thanks for the update. Look forward to hearing from you again soon.

[sns2]

Glad to hear from you!

As you can see, you are far from the only person who has been through what you are going through. There's light at the end of the tunnel if you get help.

[MrDave]

What I think has been missed is the word seasonal. Most assume S.A.D. when they see it, but I see the holidays. Being lonely during a huge media blitz about how joyous the most expensive month of the year, is an enormous weight. When a person feels hollow from the emptiness around them, all the phoney good will just makes them feel worse.
The wife and I had our annual melt down yesterday, and can now move on with our life. We have lost almost all our true loved ones in the last few years, with several deaths within weeks of the season. Very hard to enjoy it.
Hope you can get on with the struggle. My best to you. Reach out if you need it, maybe networking with other crippled souls will help. Its what keeps us going.