Frustrating Hockey game

[Jamie]

Ok, so my sons team has done well for themselves this year. Lots of laughs, lots of improvement a few wins, a few losses ect ect. One thing that I am most proud of with this team is the fact they PASS!! And some really nice passes as well. We as coaches track them on a game by game basis and tonight they hit 23 quality passes. Congrats team and great work!

Tonight was different. They played a closely matched team and the score showed it. However I found myself trying to bite my tongue more than a few times as the other team (especially one player in particular) really really liked to use his stick. All through the game he was slashing and poking. Then after the whistle blew he jammed his stick into my goalie(At least 3 times). This wasn't a battle for a loose puck, the whistle had obviously gone. Willy took it hard from this little weed wacker and has the bruises to show for it. (Willy was playing Defence tonight)

Anyhow, not one penalty was called all game. So a bit to my chagrin (but not too much, and this is what confuses me) Willy caught this kid 3 times out in the slot. Each and every time Willy took it upon himself to literally 2 hand the kids stick out of hands. These weren't love taps.. He was slashing that stick right out of the kids hands.This all happened in the last 5 minutes of the game.

I am not sure what I think about this. On one hand, I hate the fact my kid is even thinking about "Stick Work", but yet on the other hand I know Willy was a bit ticked at the kid and yet on the 3rd hand I hate to see any sort of unsportsmanlike behavior from my Son.

How do you tell a 8 year old it's OK to stick up for himself, but yet he has to keep it clean. How do you tell a 8 year old the "unwritten" bit about sticking up for your friends and team mates?

I told him many things. One of which was that I wasn't mad at him, but if he kept it up he would be spending plenty of time in the Sin Bin and that didn't help his team. Especially when they were down by a goal.

I talked with him a bit about sticking up for his team mates and not letting his Goalie take a beating.

In reality I wanted him to walk up to the kid and clock him. BUT we are dealing with 8 year olds here. So I know that's not a option. So what is a option???

I ended the conversation with telling him how proud I was of the way he played with the exception of the stick work. I gave him a hug and sent him to bed. All the way up the stairs he kept asking if I was going to tuck him in. I told him if he was going to play like a "Man" he could start tucking himself into bed. :lol::lol:

Such a cute kid!! This being a Dad really has me second guessing myself lately.

Onto the parent of the kid who liked to use his stick so much.. WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU TEACHING HIM??? I would assume its not the coach, but as a coach if I am seeing that type of behavior I know I am going to crack down on it. This was taught in a garage or out on the street. I highly doubt it was taught in a organised practise. But still the coaches have to take this into account and be responsible for their players.

If you have a Son on the Trails West 3B team, I would suggest a talk with the coach, I am not going to put the kids number out there (Remember though everyone in the arena was commenting on his number, they knew exactly who was doing what) but this kind of crap must come to a end. Feel free to play rough and hard, but keep the sticks on the ice.

As for the refs. I know they were young and they are just learning the game. So I don't but any blame on them what so ever. But I am beginning to see how hockey games get out of hand.

#1 If your a young ref.. THANK YOU!!
#2 Watch for this kind of stuff and lay down the proper penalties and YES this included sending my son to the box for what he did. But why let it get that far?
#3 Thank you once again. Its a thankless job and I know you are trying.

Anyhow, that's just a few thoughts on being a Dad and trying to raise a good Son. Very frustrating at times. Perhaps it's best if I tell him the way to overcome this type of game play is to go out and score.. But yet that still doesnt seem like the exact right thing to do.

Jamie

[Okotokian]

All the way up the stairs he kept asking if I was going to tuck him in. I told him if he was going to play like a "Man" he could start tucking himself into bed. :lol::lol:


Jamie, you will get lots of advice about the hockey part of your story so I'll restrict myself to the above part. I have two sons that are now 21 and 18, both away at university. Keep tucking your son in until HE tells you he doesn't need or want it anymore. I tucked mine in every night, including laying down with them and talking to them, etc. It builds a great bond and let's them know they are loved. I stopped when they didn't want it anymore.No need to deprive either of you of the pleasure if he still wants it. And it doesn't inhibit their "manliness" They played hockey, basketball, volleyball, lacrosse, rugby. The oldest was in the army reserves (infantry), the youngest is playing rugby for the U of A., and they date lots of girls ;)

[Whiskey Wish]

Jamie, you will get lots of advice about the hockey part of your story so I'll restrict myself to the above part. I have two sons that are now 21 and 18, both away at university. Keep tucking your son in until HE tells you he doesn't need or want it anymore. I tucked mine in every night, including laying down with them and talking to them, etc. It builds a great bond and let's them know they are loved. I stopped when they didn't want it anymore.No need to deprive either of you of the pleasure if he still wants it. And it doesn't inhibit their "manliness" They played hockey, basketball, volleyball, lacrosse, rugby. The oldest was in the army reserves (infantry), the youngest is playing rugby for the U of A., and they date lots of girls ;)

What he said x 2. Don't make your love conditional and take every chance you get for hug. It ends WAY too soon.

Keep Your Powder Dry,
Dave.

PS. I don't play hockey. I don't watch hockey. I don't give a red rats bum about hockey. So take this for what it is worth. Any coach worth beans of any sport would remove a player from the game if he was aware he had temper issues or was playing rough/dirty. If everyone was on the same page you should be able to call a time out and approach the opposing coach with the ref.'s in tow and express your concern. The players own coach and the ref.'s could then monitor that player and either correct his behaviour or remove him from the game. Anything less and everyone is only paying lip service to reducing violence in kids sports. This sort of action should be discussed and approved at league meetings imho.
My 2/100th's of a dollar.
Dave.

[deerassassin]

Ok, so my sons team has done well for themselves this year. Lots of laughs, lots of improvement a few wins, a few losses ect ect. One thing that I am most proud of with this team is the fact they PASS!! And some really nice passes as well. We as coaches track them on a game by game basis and tonight they hit 23 quality passes. Congrats team and great work!

Tonight was different. They played a closely matched team and the score showed it. However I found myself trying to bite my tongue more than a few times as the other team (especially one player in particular) really really liked to use his stick. All through the game he was slashing and poking. Then after the whistle blew he jammed his stick into my goalie(At least 3 times). This wasn't a battle for a loose puck, the whistle had obviously gone. Willy took it hard from this little weed wacker and has the bruises to show for it. (Willy was playing Defence tonight)

Anyhow, not one penalty was called all game. So a bit to my chagrin (but not too much, and this is what confuses me) Willy caught this kid 3 times out in the slot. Each and every time Willy took it upon himself to literally 2 hand the kids stick out of hands. These weren't love taps.. He was slashing that stick right out of the kids hands.This all happened in the last 5 minutes of the game.

I am not sure what I think about this. On one hand, I hate the fact my kid is even thinking about "Stick Work", but yet on the other hand I know Willy was a bit ticked at the kid and yet on the 3rd hand I hate to see any sort of unsportsmanlike behavior from my Son.

How do you tell a 8 year old it's OK to stick up for himself, but yet he has to keep it clean. How do you tell a 8 year old the "unwritten" bit about sticking up for your friends and team mates?

I told him many things. One of which was that I wasn't mad at him, but if he kept it up he would be spending plenty of time in the Sin Bin and that didn't help his team. Especially when they were down by a goal.

I talked with him a bit about sticking up for his team mates and not letting his Goalie take a beating.

In reality I wanted him to walk up to the kid and clock him. BUT we are dealing with 8 year olds here. So I know that's not a option. So what is a option???

I ended the conversation with telling him how proud I was of the way he played with the exception of the stick work. I gave him a hug and sent him to bed. All the way up the stairs he kept asking if I was going to tuck him in. I told him if he was going to play like a "Man" he could start tucking himself into bed. :lol::lol:

Such a cute kid!! This being a Dad really has me second guessing myself lately.

Onto the parent of the kid who liked to use his stick so much.. WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU TEACHING HIM??? I would assume its not the coach, but as a coach if I am seeing that type of behavior I know I am going to crack down on it. This was taught in a garage or out on the street. I highly doubt it was taught in a organised practise. But still the coaches have to take this into account and be responsible for their players.

If you have a Son on the Trails West 3B team, I would suggest a talk with the coach, I am not going to put the kids number out there (Remember though everyone in the arena was commenting on his number, they knew exactly who was doing what) but this kind of crap must come to a end. Feel free to play rough and hard, but keep the sticks on the ice.

As for the refs. I know they were young and they are just learning the game. So I don't but any blame on them what so ever. But I am beginning to see how hockey games get out of hand.

#1 If your a young ref.. THANK YOU!!
#2 Watch for this kind of stuff and lay down the proper penalties and YES this included sending my son to the box for what he did. But why let it get that far?
#3 Thank you once again. Its a thankless job and I know you are trying.

Anyhow, that's just a few thoughts on being a Dad and trying to raise a good Son. Very frustrating at times. Perhaps it's best if I tell him the way to overcome this type of game play is to go out and score.. But yet that still doesnt seem like the exact right thing to do.

Jamie

just send himn out there to kill someone.... wait what level is he??:lol:

[nicemustang]

I can't comment on the parenting thing (yet), but I can on the hockey side. I'm a young guy and haven't formally coached, but have done lots of volunteering when I was growing up and had my fair share of world class coaches through my career.

I thought you handled it very well from your perspective. I'm not sure if I could add much but you've got to send a message to him. I think you've done that with your approach. I'd keep a close eye on this one but its understandable how Willy retacted. He was frustrated and needed to do something. Too bad the other coach didn't have a good handle on this, if you let them get away with it at 8....it's going to be a long road ahead for this kid and coach. But where is his parents? I can't understand if it was that obvious that his parents would do anything? I think a lot of these things go directly back to the parents when we're at this age. They have to take accountibility.

Good luck out there Jamie.

[searay]

Ok, so my sons team has done well for themselves this year. Lots of laughs, lots of improvement a few wins, a few losses ect ect. One thing that I am most proud of with this team is the fact they PASS!! And some really nice passes as well. We as coaches track them on a game by game basis and tonight they hit 23 quality passes. Congrats team and great work!

Tonight was different. They played a closely matched team and the score showed it. However I found myself trying to bite my tongue more than a few times as the other team (especially one player in particular) really really liked to use his stick. All through the game he was slashing and poking. Then after the whistle blew he jammed his stick into my goalie(At least 3 times). This wasn't a battle for a loose puck, the whistle had obviously gone. Willy took it hard from this little weed wacker and has the bruises to show for it. (Willy was playing Defence tonight)

Anyhow, not one penalty was called all game. So a bit to my chagrin (but not too much, and this is what confuses me) Willy caught this kid 3 times out in the slot. Each and every time Willy took it upon himself to literally 2 hand the kids stick out of hands. These weren't love taps.. He was slashing that stick right out of the kids hands.This all happened in the last 5 minutes of the game.

I am not sure what I think about this. On one hand, I hate the fact my kid is even thinking about "Stick Work", but yet on the other hand I know Willy was a bit ticked at the kid and yet on the 3rd hand I hate to see any sort of unsportsmanlike behavior from my Son.

How do you tell a 8 year old it's OK to stick up for himself, but yet he has to keep it clean. How do you tell a 8 year old the "unwritten" bit about sticking up for your friends and team mates?

I told him many things. One of which was that I wasn't mad at him, but if he kept it up he would be spending plenty of time in the Sin Bin and that didn't help his team. Especially when they were down by a goal.

I talked with him a bit about sticking up for his team mates and not letting his Goalie take a beating.

In reality I wanted him to walk up to the kid and clock him. BUT we are dealing with 8 year olds here. So I know that's not a option. So what is a option???

I ended the conversation with telling him how proud I was of the way he played with the exception of the stick work. I gave him a hug and sent him to bed. All the way up the stairs he kept asking if I was going to tuck him in. I told him if he was going to play like a "Man" he could start tucking himself into bed. :lol::lol:

Such a cute kid!! This being a Dad really has me second guessing myself lately.

Onto the parent of the kid who liked to use his stick so much.. WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU TEACHING HIM??? I would assume its not the coach, but as a coach if I am seeing that type of behavior I know I am going to crack down on it. This was taught in a garage or out on the street. I highly doubt it was taught in a organised practise. But still the coaches have to take this into account and be responsible for their players.

If you have a Son on the Trails West 3B team, I would suggest a talk with the coach, I am not going to put the kids number out there (Remember though everyone in the arena was commenting on his number, they knew exactly who was doing what) but this kind of crap must come to a end. Feel free to play rough and hard, but keep the sticks on the ice.

As for the refs. I know they were young and they are just learning the game. So I don't but any blame on them what so ever. But I am beginning to see how hockey games get out of hand.

#1 If your a young ref.. THANK YOU!!
#2 Watch for this kind of stuff and lay down the proper penalties and YES this included sending my son to the box for what he did. But why let it get that far?
#3 Thank you once again. Its a thankless job and I know you are trying.

Anyhow, that's just a few thoughts on being a Dad and trying to raise a good Son. Very frustrating at times. Perhaps it's best if I tell him the way to overcome this type of game play is to go out and score.. But yet that still doesnt seem like the exact right thing to do.

Jamie

Hi Jamie, I think you did the right thing, other then I would have tucked him in :). My two boys now are both playing hockey and I coach both of them. I have played Junior A,College and minor pro hockey, this doesn't make me an expert by any stretch, but I do have alot of experience with the game itself and have helped out coaching as high as the AJHL. This other kid is only 8, and all kids are wired differently when you put a pair of skates on them and act differently. In my experience the game changes people, I know this from my own experiences and things I have done on the ice in the past, not at 8 years old but definetly by Bantam. But it starts at a young age, nice pleasant happy kids hit the ice and all of a sudden their competitive nature comes out and they do things normally they wouldn't off the ice. This other kids style of play needed to be addressed by the coach quickly and with consequences even if the young referees don't call a penalty and most importantly by the kids parents. But its not a perfect world and some people just get caught up in the game as coaches,parents,spectators ect.. As far as your son's actions, it is a normal reaction to someone doing something you don't like on the ice, not always the right action. But I think you explaining to him that is not a good chose or how the game is to be played was good. Keep encouraging him to work hard and most importantly have FUN! It's a great game !

[mtylerb]

What he said x 2. Don't make your love conditional and take every chance you get for hug. It ends WAY too soon.

Keep Your Powder Dry,
Dave.

PS. I don't play hockey. I don't watch hockey. I don't give a red rats bum about hockey. So take this for what it is worth. Any coach worth beans of any sport would remove a player from the game if he was aware he had temper issues or was playing rough/dirty. If everyone was on the same page you should be able to call a time out and approach the opposing coach with the ref.'s in tow and express your concern. The players own coach and the ref.'s could then monitor that player and either correct his behaviour or remove him from the game. Anything less and everyone is only paying lip service to reducing violence in kids sports. This sort of action should be discussed and approved at league meetings imho.
My 2/100th's of a dollar.
Dave.

^^-- What he said --^^

PS I thought I was the only person on this board that didn't give a "red rats bum" about hockey. :lol:

[Dick284]

Jamie:
I have been thru all of this with the Pitboss.
Last year was his first year in hockey, his skill set was far behind many of his peers, and it showed, he made the lowest teir team in Atom. We had some splendid coaches, they worked with him, but it always seemed we'd run into either hot head players on other teams, and even some obviously sand bagged players who made all the kids in that tier look pretty un skilled.
Between his lack of skill and obvious show boating from sand bagers i had to endure tears of sadness after games because Richie was'nt able to up his game to a level he felt would benifit his team. We even saw the ugly side of him a few times from shere frustration I suppose, he was prmptly benched and lectured by the coaches, and later on by me.
So along comes this year and PeeWee level, and oh ya body contact. Richie spent the summer in 2 hockey camps he's lost more weight, and suddenly all these fancy puck handling sand baggers, find it a lot different game, Especially when a little defenceman who resembles a nose tackle, stands em up at the blue line.
Retribution comes in many forms, as long as it occurs within the relm of fair play and sportsmanship.

Tell Willy to do his best and do it fairly within the rules of the game, learn the positions well, and do not retaliate on the other players.
Goalies need some protection, and defencemen are supposed to do that, but it's Novice level Willy is in, if you have issue with a kid and poor sportsmanship perhaps staying off the ice after the ice was scrapped, and explaining it to the officials would have been the proper recourse.
The on ice officials need to handle this stuff, but occasionally they need a bit of a tune up about the fact that Novice level hockey should never include stick work.

In the end the hacks and stick work artists will get their own, be it when the levels advance, or thru the benching of themselves by a new coach.
It all seems to work out sooner or later.

Tell Willy to cheer up, or I'll send the Pitboss over.:lol:

[Jamie]

Well it's been a day, and I still don't know exactly how I feel about last night.
I guess it's just going to be one of the conundrums of being a Dad. damned if do and damned if you don't kinda thing.

I asked him tonight if he had thought about the game today. His response was that he really liked it. I said you like being slashed like that??? He says. "It hurt, but he still liked it.. It made me want to play harder"

God I love this kid.

When I see him line up for a face off and see that tight little turn and he comes to stop on a dime and I notice him getting ready..He LOOKS like a hockey player. It really makes me proud. I know Willy probably will never play above a rec level, but to see the spirit of competition and team work develop in him is just amazing. I think he is playing the game and all that in involves purely for the love of it.
Someday I am going to arrange for him to play at the Saddledome. I know that hitting the big ice would be a HUGE thing for him. As it was for me when I played at McMahon.

As for the unconditional love thing...
Boys.. I don't know a dad who hugs his kids more than me. He is my son. Is there anything else? The comment about tucking himself in was in jest and he laughed himself all the way to bed. But I do see what you guys are saying. Time is fleeting when they are young. We are only 8 years away from our daughter going off the university. Still plenty of time to enjoy our family, but I can tell the clock is ticking. In fact we were mussing the other night about adopting another child.
Being a father to my children is the best thing I have ever done. I cant imagine anything else being more fulfilling.

Jamie

[DarkAisling]

Well it's been a day, and I still don't know exactly how I feel about last night.
I guess it's just going to be one of the conundrums of being a Dad. damned if do and damned if you don't kinda thing.

I'm not sure if you're talking about the game, or how you handled the situation. If it is the latter, I feel you did a great job :)

You saw a problem, and despite your feelings of unease you sat your boy down for a chat. From the sounds of things the chat was non-threatening and light hearted: some good bounding time with dad that was educational too.

It is much easier not to say anything. The parents of the boy on the other team may very well have taken that approach. It might not be what they're teaching him, but an unwillingness to take the time and effort to straighten the child out.

As for "damned if you do and damned if you don't" . . . I always make sure to err on the "damned if you do" side. I may not always get it right, but at least I can say I tried and that I did something.[/QUOTE]

[Twisted Canuck]

Tough one to call, Jamie. My son John has been playing hockey since he was 5, he is now in first year PeeWee Tier 1 A(and yes, things change a bit when the body contact starts....:)). We have seen it all in the last 7 yrs, John has been hit from behind into the boards head first, he has taken a two hander slash right to the top of the head, blind side elbows to the jaw....it gets pretty crazy out there! As a parent, it takes some stern discipline not to get involved in the uglier side of hockey, either vocally from the stands expressing yourself at other players, refs or coaches, or 'coaching' your own kid to take a number and crush some other player.....

I have tried to teach my son fair play and sportsmanship, but there are times I want to see him just knock some other punk right out of the trolley tracks, and he can do it too.....But mostly I try to teach him to compete, have fun, avoid the dirty stick stuff, play hard, score goals, make pretty passes, work like a man on the boards, win puck battles, stick up for your team mates, and when the final whistle blows, shake everyone's hand. Hockey is a great game, and there will always be those players who like to be ugly on the ice....but as said earlier, these things seem to have a way of working themselves out.....:D

Tuck your kid into bed next time, soon enough he won't want you to and you'll regret the times you missed. You sound like a great dad to me, partner!

[Jamie]

Rematch tonight against this same team.

It could be interesting.

Willy has been talking about this game for 3 weeks now.
I am not sure what to expect out of him. I told him to go play hockey but be ready for this little bugger. Also NO STICKWORK.

Jamie

[super7mag]

well now you have to letus in on the last game and how it went. If the others teams coach didn't say anything he probably doesn't care. Some coaches are win at all costs, and have no cosideration that the kids on the other team are just out to play and learn. I would have had a chat with the ref between peroids about the kid.

[Jamie]

On the advice of our family lawyer, I cant say anything.






:lol::lol::lol:

Nothing serious last night. one HUGE dig/spear at our Goaltender, but that's it. Kinda boring game compared to how they have been playing lately. But the kids still had fun.

Next up a 4 game Tourny this weekend. Willy will finally get the chance to play goal. Very excited little boy.

Jamie