need a ladys take on things

redneck posse · #1 06-26-2008, 05:50 PM

hi Lady's need a little help trying to figure out where i went wrong. me and my fiance had a big fight Wednesday night, and she basically moved out on Thursday. what the argument was about was, we where going to get married on the 1st of November in Fiji on the beach. when we first made plans the whole thing air for 7 round trip hotel wedding the works was going to run around 30 grand for 2 weeks. when we went to book the trip the price was closer to 45 grand because of fuel charges etc. now last week we put a offer in on twenty acres of land by Devon. so what i suggested was to put of going to Fiji this year and put the money towards the property, have a nice wedding here in Edmonton and next year for or first anniversary we could go to Fiji and renew our vows on the beach. where did i go wrong? i know she wanted a wedding on the beach for a couple years but isn't a home and a piece of property to grow old on more important. wouldn't usually ask strangers about my love life but i think i need a different take on the subject. thanks

Percher · #2 06-26-2008, 09:10 PM

My wife read your post. All she said was, "is she crazy"?
In reality women dream about those fairy tale weddings and no doubt she feels let down. I’m sure after some serious thinking she’ll come around.
You got your head on straight, buy the property. If she called it quits you need to find a partner with common sense.

winged1 · #3 06-26-2008, 09:20 PM

any of the gals I knew wanted a 45k wedding, I'd pack thier bags and have them out on Wednesday.

I wouldn't dare ask the wife for her take on your situation, that would open a huge rift for us. Why would a man ask for a women's opinion on such matters anyway?

#4 06-26-2008, 09:30 PM

You left the toilet seat up didn't you.

Like Percher said, it's the dream wedding she used to talk about at her tea parties as a kid. It was all planned, booked, and coming true.

And what did you do? CRUSHED IT. In one fell swoop, you destroyed a lifetime dream AND a promise because you are a selfish pig who wants to buy a farm just so you can spend more time away from her with your STUPID hunting!!!! - Almost like I have heard it before eh?

Ya- I'm married too. Give her some time, and she will want to talk about it.

rugatika · #5 06-26-2008, 09:37 PM

No offence there redneck, but unless this is totally out of character for her, sounds like she's a narcissistic spoiled brat. Consider this a glimpse into her personality in the future. Doubt she'll improve much AFTER the wedding. When she comes back to reconcile, I wouldn't be too eager.

Again. No offence. Hope things all work out for the best. (whatever that may be)

PS: My girlfriend thought the $30,000 grand was crazy.

Kanonfodder · #6 06-26-2008, 09:43 PM

Heck with it take this for the free unasked advice it is, it seems to me that she wants the fairy tale, which is fine but life is reality. You are buying a future and not wasting 45 k on a FRIGGN PIECE OF PAPER!!!! If she does love you shell get that through her childish skull and apologize to you. Stick to your guns on this one, if she doesn't come around she isnt the one.......meh what do I know I am happily single

bignose · #7 06-26-2008, 10:08 PM

$30 grand on a wedding - when you could spend it on investing in your future, especially land ... know which I'd go for

thought your compromise was a good one - shows commitment and an attempt to find some middle ground

Mrs B agrees, but suggests that you sit down with your girlfriend and talk to her about what's important to her and why

good luck on this

B

BBJTKLE&FISHINGADVENTURES · #8 06-26-2008, 10:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kanonfodder

Heck with it take this for the free unasked advice it is, it seems to me that she wants the fairy tale, which is fine but life is reality. You are buying a future and not wasting 45 k on a FRIGGN PIECE OF PAPER!!!! If she does love you shell get that through her childish skull and apologize to you. Stick to your guns on this one, if she doesn't come around she isnt the one.......meh what do I know I am happily single

Agreed I dont need a women breathing down my neck telling me when I can or can not fish . Kevin your a great guy man . I think if its truely ment to be the light will go off in her head and say wow I really fuked up . You know hopefully things workout for ya . But look at the perks , go fishing / hunting when you want to . You get the whole bed . When you check out another women you dont get slapped . Your able scratch yourself when ever and where ever without her going EWWWWWWWW . You can fart and be proud of it with out her going EWWWWWWWWW . But deep down im just ****ing around here cheering you up my man , I truely hope you guys get things sorted out . Not to mention other things that will come within the next year . I hope she wakes up and smells the country air because now shes still in that dream .
Cheers buddy see you saturday and no I wont cuddle with you .Spoon yes cuddle no .

mac_xi@hotmail.com · #9 06-26-2008, 10:11 PM

We got married three summers ago. Spent about $30,000 on the wedding. It was nice and all.... but to this day both my wife and I agree we could have put that money to more usefull things. Especially the $3500 we spent on the photographer and prints that have only been looked at a half dozen times.... in fact I dont even know where they are

James M · #10 06-26-2008, 10:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BIGBADJOHN

Agreed I dont need a women breathing down my neck telling me when I can or can not fish . Kevin your a great guy man . I think if its truely ment to be the light will go off in her head and say wow I really fuked up . You know hopefully things workout for ya . But look at the perks , go fishing / hunting when you want to . You get the whole bed . When you check out another women you dont get slapped . Your able scratch yourself when ever and where ever without her going EWWWWWWWW . You can fart and be proud of it with out her going EWWWWWWWWW . But deep down im just ****ing around here cheering you up my man , I truely hope you guys get things sorted out . Not to mention other things that will come within the next year . I hope she wakes up and smells the country air because now shes still in that dream .
Cheers buddy see you saturday and no I wont cuddle with you .Spoon yes cuddle no .

HAHAHAHAHA You're hilarious I cant even read your whole response without stopping to laugh.

Whit · #11 06-26-2008, 10:33 PM

I'm with you guys on this one! lol I know some women want huge extravagant weddings that they've had planned since they were 10 but I'm the type of girl who would MUCH rather put money towards my marriage not my wedding that lasts only one day. Not saying I wouldn't take a beautiful ceremony in Fiji

.... but in reality your life together in the future should come before one lavish day...in my opinion. I don't know your fiance so I won't pass judgement on who she is but she should be able to understand your reasoning.....hopefully she'll come around. Stick to your guns and good luck!!!

heybert · #12 06-26-2008, 10:35 PM

There are cheaper ways to have your wedding in Fiji. It is a fairly safe and country have lots of modern amenities. You don't have to stay at a western style hotel to get good accomodations. Flights would still be your biggest expense, but start looking at alternatives (e.g. rent a house on the beach and do everything there). When the wife and I went there 9 years ago, we stayed at a resort for 2 days near Lautoka. Then went to one of the islands in the yawasa group for 3 days, staying in our tent on the beach , but all meals prepared for us. Then 1 day in Nadi at a hostel with our ouwn room. I think total cost (transport, food and accommodations) w/o air (stopover on our way to NZ) was maybe $100.

frenchwhitey · #13 06-26-2008, 10:46 PM

Hey posse,
I hope everything works out for ya. I guess she was really lookin forward to the trip. I asked my wife what she thought and she said that she would definitely go for the farm instead but she's a down home kinda girl. Hopefully your fiancee will wise up and if she doesn't then it's for the best. You need a woman that matches your values to be really happy. We spent $500 bucks on our wedding and it was a blast. Rented an out of the way community center, a few kegs, bunch of friends and family, some cold cuts and there she be!! YEEEEHHAAAAW!!!!! I always find it weird to start off a marriage by going into debt for 30 large just for a piece of paper. My opinion only. Good luck!!!

Whitey

Jester · #14 06-26-2008, 10:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redneck posse

hi Lady's need a little help trying to figure out where i went wrong. me and my fiance had a big fight Wednesday night, and she basically moved out on Thursday. what the argument was about was, we where going to get married on the 1st of November in Fiji on the beach. when we first made plans the whole thing air for 7 round trip hotel wedding the works was going to run around 30 grand for 2 weeks. when we went to book the trip the price was closer to 45 grand because of fuel charges etc. now last week we put a offer in on twenty acres of land by Devon. so what i suggested was to put of going to Fiji this year and put the money towards the property, have a nice wedding here in Edmonton and next year for or first anniversary we could go to Fiji and renew our vows on the beach. where did i go wrong? i know she wanted a wedding on the beach for a couple years but isn't a home and a piece of property to grow old on more important. wouldn't usually ask strangers about my love life but i think i need a different take on the subject. thanks

I'm not a lady but ...sounds like you got your head on your shoulders while she's living in a fantasy world..

Perhaps she is not mature enough to get married...it's clear she doesn't see the "BIG" picture....

best of luck tho...

Northern_Hunting_Mom · #15 06-26-2008, 11:25 PM

You come here for advice because the people here have your values. Do not expect a sugar coating here, even from the ladies here.

I never had the fairy tale dream wedding in my head and I certainly would not put myself in debt that much for it. Its the marriage, not the date stamped on a piece of paper that defines my happiness. We spent $1000 total for our wedding. 8 years later, we are still told to get a room. If my husband came to me and said he wanted to spend $45 000, it better come with 5 wheels (pick up with fifth whell) or at least one washroom.

You have to take a deep hard look at this and wonder if this is a blessing..... a $45 000 wedding is still cheaper than a divorce which chances are, you will go through anyway. Fate may have given you a way to run and not look back. I think the reality check is meant for you and not her. Use it. Finding out before "I Do" is a lot easier, no matter how confused and hurt you are right now because a wedding is NOT meant to be just for the bride.

PS: If I didn't love my husband so much, I would live in sin to be able to live on a farm. There is compromise and giving in a marriage but you have take a hard look at what you will suffer if you give up a vital part of yourself and how you would be able to be an equal partner if you lose a huge part of yourself....... AND WHY THE HELL WOULD SHE EVEN ASK???

I would run and not look back.... there is WOMAN'S take on things and that may be a more important source than what you asked for. Then again, I was tickled to get a 30-30 for a Mother's Day gift but that may be just the kind of woman you are looking for and no, I do not have sisters available.

Northern_Hunting_Mom · #16 06-26-2008, 11:34 PM

Oh yah, and if this woman requires this gesture as proof of your love, just imagine how it will escalate if she believes she has you hooked?

The words, "If you love me...." should never cross the lips of any person.

#17 06-26-2008, 11:42 PM

wow, thats harsh dude, I talked to my girlfriend and she said shed love to have a farm or land and a house or something. Said our weddings not going to be huge, just family and close friends. My girlfriend cant beleive she acted so harsh/immature about it. I agree with what the others have to say to. I personally think you should rethink your choice to marry her AT THE MOMENT.....maybe give it a while longer....because if she flips out liek that now, whats gonna happen later. but what do I know...im only 22

Drano · #18 06-27-2008, 01:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by northern_hunting_mom

you come here for advice because the people here have your values. Do not expect a sugar coating here, even from the ladies here.

I never had the fairy tale dream wedding in my head and i certainly would not put myself in debt that much for it. Its the marriage, not the date stamped on a piece of paper that defines my happiness. We spent $1000 total for our wedding. 8 years later, we are still told to get a room. If my husband came to me and said he wanted to spend $45 000, it better come with 5 wheels (pick up with fifth whell) or at least one washroom.

You have to take a deep hard look at this and wonder if this is a blessing..... A $45 000 wedding is still cheaper than a divorce which chances are, you will go through anyway. Fate may have given you a way to run and not look back. I think the reality check is meant for you and not her. Use it. Finding out before "i do" is a lot easier, no matter how confused and hurt you are right now because a wedding is not meant to be just for the bride.

Ps: If i didn't love my husband so much, i would live in sin to be able to live on a farm. There is compromise and giving in a marriage but you have take a hard look at what you will suffer if you give up a vital part of yourself and how you would be able to be an equal partner if you lose a huge part of yourself....... And why the hell would she even ask???

I would run and not look back.... There is woman's take on things and that may be a more important source than what you asked for. Then again, i was tickled to get a 30-30 for a mother's day gift but that may be just the kind of woman you are looking for and no, i do not have sisters available.

x30

packhuntr · #19 06-27-2008, 05:35 AM

Yip. take it from one who knows..... So dont listen to a word i say OK.

RUN NOW!!
Its a day your gonna remember as being the day you dumped 45k..... And while your eyes are darting back and forth and you break out in a cold sweat, like a damned caged rat, and all you can think about is how there is nowhere to go if you do try to run, your on a damned island,,, by choice, and they/she will find you..... And then you will think back very soon, about somehow in all the craziness that maybe she brainwashed you into thinking/believing that this was a good idea. And you will hate all your single friends, and you will never be able to.... Aaaw shucks, im just kiddin with ya

I love my wife and being married is the single greatest thing ive ever done with my life.

MK2750 · #20 06-27-2008, 07:17 AM

What I think has been sugar coated is your original posting. Suggestions do not lead to break ups and huge arguements if it is truly a suggestion that is open to communication and comprimise. I've heard a thousand one sided versions of relationship problems and most are BS stories looking to justify.
You as a couple have planned and saved for this wedding for years and now that the time has come to fork out the cash, you as an individual are trying to back out for a mere 10,000 increase in the price. This is Alberta man, money is as common as dirt; if this is truly the girl of your dreams, that money you save is going to be of little comfort.

Leverboy · #21 06-27-2008, 08:41 AM

Once upon a time there was a man who asked this woman to marry him. She said NO. He lived happily everafter.

The end.

Jamie · #22 06-27-2008, 08:46 AM

Wow.. Some bitter people here.
Ok this is how I look at it.

Buy a property. This is paramount

#2 Why Fiji? Get married on the beach some place closer. Hawaii Or Mexico or the Caribbean. Compromise is a great thing. Find a way to make her happy and still take care of the future. That’s your job as head of the household.

More disturbing is to air your dirty laundry on a public board only to see your future wife trashed. I am not saying your question was wrong, but the anonymous nature of the net allows people to beat your wife up. That for me would drive me nuts.

Remember, this is your family everyone is talking about. You are the leader of this new group. I suggest you take ownership of the situation and find a solution. I have found wives seem to want some leadership ability’s in the husbands. Now grab a set and go get it done.

Good luck to both of you

Jamie

Hunter Trav · #23 06-27-2008, 08:50 AM

I'll probably get some grief for saying this but...Buy the farm, and get the cow after...LOL J/K Sorry it had to be said...

Dick284 · #24 06-27-2008, 08:53 AM

Well Mrs. D read you post and rolled her eyes in her head. She understands the nuiannces of a dream wedding etc. But she also felt your approach was pretty level and balanced.
She did comment about the timing, being Nov. 1, "is'nt that opening day of deer season"( I have to agree deer season is not negotiable in my mind too)
Mrs. D commented as to the selfish and materialistic approach your Fiancee took also.

Perhaps a cooling off period is in order. You both need to find you true course and settle upon a true compromise, after all that is what marriage is all about, compromise.

40 incher · #25 06-27-2008, 09:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leverboy

Once upon a time there was a man who asked this woman to marry him. She said NO. He lived happily everafter.

The end.

Man I don't care who you are... THATS FUNNY!!!

The Elkster · #26 06-27-2008, 09:57 AM

I understand a woman wants a "romantic" wedding day. That being said if I were in your situation I would be seriously analyzing her attitude and response to the situation. Is this the type of person you want to be with the rest of your life. I am a strong believer in the mantra "actions speak louder than words" and I'd take strong clues from here actions. I'd consider if this is a escalation of similar behavior or a real out of the ordinary thing for her to do. Gotta give them some benefit of the doubt but at the same time be realistic. Stress may cause a person to freek in a weird way but patterns of behavior aren't likely to change. You will have stress issues like this come up throughout your lifetime and things are going to be pretty miserable if you end up fighting every time.

My previous woman was a mismatch for me (didn't realize just how much at the time as is common when your immersed in the relationship) and we fought constantly. At one point I just figured maybe I was just a fighter. We both knew we were good people so we tried to duke it out but the frustration of trying to put a square peg in a round hole really pushed us to fight regularly. I now have a woman who is what I'd consider my soul mate. Didn't think I'd ever use that cliche but its the best word to describe it. I can not believe the difference in relationship dynamic. We don't fight we enjoy spending lots of time together and have common interests and goals and we are naturally in agreement with so much stuff that we don't have to constantly compromise and fight to come to an agreement. If i'd stayed with the earlier woman I cringe to think how my future would have been. Now is the time to think long and hard about whether this is really "the one". Keep in mind if you are with the wrong one you won't be able to pull the trigger when the "right one" enters your life. Just my 1/2 cent

Good luck

Okotokian · #27 06-27-2008, 10:37 AM

Sorry, I don't get it... you said WE put an offer in on some land. So I take it you can afford both, you would rather just put extra money down on the land now and do the trip next year. Why not do the trip now and buy the land (which sounds like what you originally intended) and then put extra money into the land next year?

So what was your response to her saying NO, when you suggested it? Sounds like you must not have taken no for an answer, and started arguing. She likely feels set up, like you wanted to do this all along. Sounds like romance takes a back seat to practicality (Your definition of it). SHe is probably not sure she wants to be married to a man like that.

Everyone here seems to be saying "IF she comes back"... If you love her you need to go back to her, apologize, and say you will stick with the original plan. It's not worth crushing her dreams to save a few dollars on one year's worth of mortgage interest.

BTW, $30,000 or $45,000 is not that much to spend on a wedding. You could concievably spend near that much if you had a big wedding with lots of people here, plus honeymoon.

Be a man and do the right thing... and maybe get some pre-marital counselling too. Not good if spats like this have her moving out and you asking a hunting bulletin board for what to do. You should know what to do.

The other thing none of here know of course is what else has been going on... maybe this is the 20th instance of her thinking you are inflexible and unromantic, and this was the one that just broke the camel's back and made up her mind. Seems sort of unlikely that everything has been wonderful with no problems and then she just moves out because she got mad at you over one disagreement.

BBJTKLE&FISHINGADVENTURES · #28 06-27-2008, 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leverboy

Once upon a time there was a man who asked this woman to marry him. She said NO. He lived happily everafter.

The end.

Holy crap and I thought mine was good.

James M · #29 06-27-2008, 11:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BIGBADJOHN

Holy crap and I thought mine was good.

I still think yours was funnier.

Waxy · #30 06-27-2008, 11:29 AM

Amazing. Do people actually spend $30-45,000 on a wedding?

Sorry Okotokian, but where I'm from, that's not normal, FAR FROM IT. I can't even conceive of spending that on a wedding here, no matter how many people were coming. I had a pretty lavish "Italian style" wedding, and I can guarantee you the bill was not even in that ballpark.

I don't know how the arguement went down, and I don't know the history of the relationship, but here's my take on it -

There's no way I would marry a woman that wanted a $30-45,000 wedding on a tropical island. That right there would tell me all I need to know about her and what the future would hold.

Sounds harsh, and I guess it is, but you asked for it. (Jamie was right about the internet, although I'd likely tell anyone planning a wedding like that they're crazy face to face too.

)

As for a woman's perspective, I don't even have to ask my wife, I know what her response would be to the situation, there's a reason she's my wife!

While I'm at it - I really don't like these "vacation weddings". The only thing worse than being the couple getting married is being asked to go to one of them and expected to burn up your own money and holiday time for someone else's fairy tale.

Anyhoo, rant over.

Waxy