Move to the farm or no?

[3blade]

Backstory: I’ve been off work for 2 years due to injuries. Getting better very slowly but my career may be toast anyway, and it’s not really mobile. My wife’s career is in demand and if we move she will get a solid bonus ($50-60g). We could cash out, build a house on the in-laws home quarter and raise our two daughters (3 months, 2 y/o) with grandma and grandpa across the yard. I’d be a stay-at-home dad, which is pretty much what I’ve been doing anyway, with the FIL around to teach me about farming once I heal up. Wife would be working a full time day job, with a much shorter commute, close to all her friends and family. We should be mortgage free in 5-8 years vs 15 and retired mid 50s. Awesome fishing down the road, gun range in the yard, and deer in the bush.

BUT…I’d be leaving everything and everyone I know. Including my mom who has been very involved with the kids. I’d also have to contend with being on the inlaws farm permanently, which will remain theirs as long as they are alive (both 70y/o) - supposedly we will inherit it and have sole ownership but no decision making power till then (i know - huge red flag). There’s some pretty contentious family dynamics on that side. Particularly a SIL (my wife’s sister) that has some serious health issues, liabilities, and a history of poor decision making and relying on the in-laws. My MIL is a (very loving) PITA who always tries to control everything but can’t make or keep plans to save her life. She has tried pushing me around, and found out that I don’t back down especially when it comes to the kids. There’s also some unsavory “friends” and other characters that always seem to have/cause problems and show up when money is involved. My wife has often said the best part about her family and childhood friends is being 7 hours aways from them. We’ve all been through family property disputes before and I can see it coming again.

We’re both torn on this. We are fine/safe/comfortable where we are, but want our kids to have a rural upbringing, outdoor opportunities and family connection. We want those things for ourselves as well. Just don’t want to lose our marriage, family, sanity and savings in the process.

Thoughts?

[Moo Snukkle]

Going to the farm would be the best move you ever made. If the in laws are serious about having you, have them subdivide a 3 or 5 acre parcel off for you to purchase. I really can’t see it working in any other way. What’s yours should stay yours, regardless of how things get split amongst family members.

[Savage Bacon]

What is your wife's opinion on this? If she's wanting to go, and they're also trying to convince your wife to go, you might only have 49% of the decision making power.

If you do go, like previously mentioned, you'll need a small chunk of land in you and your wife's name. Because you could almost guarantee that at some point there will be other family members (wife's sister) trying to get what they think they're entitled to.

The promise of handing the farm over to you guys does sound like a dream come true. But unfortunately, plans do sometimes change.

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[Twisted Canuck]

That would be a solid hell no for me. Huntinstuff, jungleboy, and sns2 summed it up perfectly.

[Dean2]

No opinion on what you should do one way or the other. Only suggestion, if you decide to move and build a house, make sure to subdivided off 5 or 10 acres and that the land is in your name. That or buy land close by or in a nearby town, to build on. The rest is up to you.

[W921]

Looking at it from your father in laws point of view
I would never sub divide especially close to my house.
I would train someone but everything farm related would always have to be done my way.
I would always have things set up in such a way it was in everybody's best interest for me to be at my farm and never forced out or sent to town. I dont want to be worth more dead or worse yet in a nursing home.

From your point of view wills can be contested and stuff but if you are living there I suspect hard for sister in law to run you off?
What about a mobile home in his yard for a few years? You said they are on 70s. You could always sell trailer if you had to. House would theoretically be yours in future

[huntinstuff]

Sounds like a nightmare
.....

If you want to live there, buy a subdivided part. Squatting on someone else's land is too hinky. They could turn on you like a wild dog. Then what?

Own the land you live on, especially if you put money into it like building a house....you will get screwed

[Donkey Oatey]

Originally Posted by huntinstuff

Sounds like a nightmare
.....

If you want to live there, buy a subdivided part. Squatting on someone else's land is too hinky. They could turn on you like a wild dog. Then what?

Own the land you live on, especially if you put money into it like building a house....you will get screwed

Agreed. My grandparents did this with life long friends and had a handshake agreement like done in the old country. Well the wheels fell off as dementia set in and the kids started wanting to grab the land (Strathmore) to sell it off for drugs.

Ended up having to move out and sell their house at a huge loss as the new buyer had to move the house.

Always have a contract, always have it in writing and if possible buy the land its self.

Family means about as much as friendship when it comes to money and inheritance.

[Smoky buck]

Originally Posted by huntinstuff

Sounds like a nightmare
.....

If you want to live there, buy a subdivided part. Squatting on someone else's land is too hinky. They could turn on you like a wild dog. Then what?

Own the land you live on, especially if you put money into it like building a house....you will get screwed

This all the way ^^

In my younger days it cost me 250k to learn to cover my butt and not be trusting

[creeky]

Sam Goldwyn famously said "a verbal contracts not worth the paper it's written on"


Creeky....


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[Ackleyman]

Originally Posted by huntinstuff

Sounds like a nightmare
.....

If you want to live there, buy a subdivided part. Squatting on someone else's land is too hinky. They could turn on you like a wild dog. Then what?

Own the land you live on, especially if you put money into it like building a house....you will get screwed

Best advice , let it sink in, too many gators around that farm.

[traderal]

This is the key part: My wife has often said the best part about her family and childhood friends is being 7 hours away from them. Listen to her.
I have watched farm family interactions for almost 7 decades and it doesn't get better. There are easier ways to live a family life than deal with crazy. My friends wife has been dealing with her sister, who is a freeloader with dubious boyfriends for 10 years now in a dispute over a will, and it's not going away, lawyers have already pocketed over a million. Farm life is also no place for a recovering person with disabilities. As others have stated a farmer doesn't just bend over and give his land away easy like, he holds on to it firmly till the end, many times handing it over to the son or daughter that they feel the most sorry for and can't support thamselves. Land succession planning farmers is very difficult compared to say a retail business owner. Farmers hold onto their land as if it was something sacred. I wouldn't go into this situation if I was given money to do it. However that's my opinion and you can do what you want, it's all a learning experience of life, too bad we can't re live it based on our previous wisdom.

[W921]

How is this for a solution?
Have father in law, mother in law,your wife and yourself on the deed. This way basically whoever lives the longest will end up with home quarter. Nobody gets forced out. If all three want you to sell it would take years and more money than its worth to force you to sell. You dont have to spend a fortune with lawyers drawing up contracts.
Only way to own a farm is basically with a lot of risk unless you are one of the lucky few that basically had a lot given to you.
If you are not getting along now with people on the farm or near by then I would forget it.

[jungleboy]

So you’re thinking of moving closer to your overbearing mother in law and building a house on her land with close by relatives you don’t really get along with and unsavoury friends to also stick their nose in your business. Seems like a solid plan for a misery filled life.
Your wife already says the best part of her family is being 7 hrs away from them.

[JD848]

Originally Posted by Dean2

No opinion on what you should do one way or the other. Only suggestion, if you decide to move and build a house, make sure to subdivided off 5 or 10 acres and that the land is in your name. That or buy land close by or in a nearby town, to build on. The rest is up to you.

Best advice right here ,everything in life can change on a dime .Death or fights doesn't matter with who or what ,cover your butt either way .

Your inlaws maybe great folks ,but if for some reason they leave this earth early ,land needs be in your name for you and your families safety.


The road to hell was paved with good intentions.