Children and spanking?

[slough shark]

My folks generally used other methods but there was the odd one that warranted a whack of the hand or the wood spoon, it was never done excessively and never in anger and I think I learned from it. I will probably use the same approach once I have kids, hopefully won't need to a great deal but it is always an available tool and a general deterent as long as you let them know that it is there!

[Faststeel]

Originally Posted by eastcoast

my grandfather had 9 kids and never laid a hand on any of them, he always said if he can't outsmart a small child he's not much of a man.

Granny did all the beating.

[great white whaler]

Spanking is a form of abuse,,i don't believe in it ,have never spanked my kids and thay have turn out as great kids,,me on the other hand i loves to get spanked,,,,,,,,,,,,,

[outwalking]

I wish it was still okay to spank kids...

A man in my mom's community kicked his kid's butt when he called the mother a "stupid c-word". The man was charged and removed from his home. He gave him a crack upside the head.

This dirty-mouthed kid learned this from my own nasty little brother - who is currently not allowed at his own home and the locks were recently changed. My brother is 15. He steals money, jewellery and food from my mom, steals from the siblings, breaks things, uses terrible language, and basically terrorizes her and my stepdad. He's enticed my stepdad to grab at him or push him, and then he calls the cops.

He KNOWS there's nothing his parents can do, so he does whatever he wants. Ground him? He just leaves. What do they do, tie him to his bed? Take away his priviledges, he just leaves. Take away his shoes and he'll go without. Take away his jacket and he'll go without. Don't give him money, and he'll steal it from you anyways.

Parents have NO power anymore.

[JB_AOL]

As for small kids, like 3 year olds and thereabouts, time outs are not the way to go either.

Why? my 3 yr old completely understands the time-out (well we call it a naughty chair). He's been on it many times and we don't let him leave until he explains to us why he is there, and apologizes.

[honda450]

Nope myself was never a spanker. But I will tell ya I sure got it when I was a kid. Wooden spoon was my Mom's favourite, she broke a few. The threat was "Wait till your father comes home"' then I knew I was safe. Granny's house was about a 300 foot sprint from ours, it was safe there, and I could make it in record time. Mom never ran very fast, hehe.

Think the worse I got it is when I locked my sister in the barn and no one could find her. Yuuup the good old days.

[rwm1273]

Originally Posted by outwalking

I wish it was still okay to spank kids...

A man in my mom's community kicked his kid's butt when he called the mother a "stupid c-word". The man was charged and removed from his home. He gave him a crack upside the head.

This dirty-mouthed kid learned this from my own nasty little brother - who is currently not allowed at his own home and the locks were recently changed. My brother is 15. He steals money, jewellery and food from my mom, steals from the siblings, breaks things, uses terrible language, and basically terrorizes her and my stepdad. He's enticed my stepdad to grab at him or push him, and then he calls the cops.

He KNOWS there's nothing his parents can do, so he does whatever he wants. Ground him? He just leaves. What do they do, tie him to his bed? Take away his priviledges, he just leaves. Take away his shoes and he'll go without. Take away his jacket and he'll go without. Don't give him money, and he'll steal it from you anyways.

Parents have NO power anymore.

Now this is why our society is doomed. Some kids have learned that they can do what ever they want and nobody will do anything to them. This kid will end up in jail, and unless someone in there is meaner than he is, he will be the bully there, do his time, get out and do it all over again.

I am envious of those here who have been able to stay married and raise their kids in an intact home. My kids have not been that lucky, and are suffering the consequences of this, despite the fact that they live with me and a stepmother, and have generous visitation with their mother.

My kids have started down this bad behavior road too. My ex is so willing to accuse me of anything, regardless of any truth to it. I have had more than one social worker to the house. I learned how to deal with them. Record their statements. Then write letters to the minister. Most of them don't know the laws that govern them, and if you do, that gives you back some power. Now after the same kind of accusations over and over, and each one being found to be false, I have been able to get social services to understand that they are merely a tool my ex uses to try to control me. They don't give her the time of day now. But that could be because they are scared of me and my letter writing to their bosses. I have custody of the kids for a reason. My ex is unreasonable, and untrust worthy, and a liar.

But until those idiots from social services stopped pandering to my ex, my kids were headed down a very bad road. My son would tell my wife that he does not need to listen to her or his mom will call the police on her. I was accused of mentally and verbally abusing my son because I told him his actions were bad and that if he continued doing this, he would grow up to be a criminal. Social worker threatened to take my kids. I said good, serve me the papers now and we will see you in court. Then I pointed to where the door was and suggested she use it before I helped her. Then another letter to her boss, and she apologized for threatening me in my own home over BS. They closed the file and won't take anymore complaints from my ex, and any other complaints will be investigated before any action is taken.

Well now that this threat has been fixed, we have been able to discipline the kids when they need it but are very reserved due to the history and threat of more court action from their mother. We don't spank, but only because I don't need to deal with social services again. But my kids will suffer the consequences of this as they grow older. They don't have proper respect for anything, because they have learned from their mother that they don't need to be respectful, and they know that I can't do much to punish them either, and that every punishment is short lived because once they visit their mom then they are told how bad I was for punishing them, and so they come home with an attitude, so it is easier to go light on the punishment, than risk the grief of more court action.

My next child will be raised in a country where I can do as I see fit. I won't need to worry about anyone making accusations about me, and I can and will defend my home as I see fit from anyone who threatens to take my child away from me, like I have been threatened in Canada. My child will grow up to be respectful, polite, and responsible. And he/she will be more successful than my first two kids because of this. If that means getting a spanking once in a while to learn right from wrong, then so be it.

It is a bad time to be a parent in Canada, and even worse to be a man. Divorce is too easy. There are more kids growing up in single parent homes than ever, and most of these homes are with the mother. When dads do get access, they don't discipline the kids like they should because their time with the kids will be cut off by the mother, and sanctioned by the courts. All in the best interest of the children. What we are left with is rotten kids who don't respect anyone, and don't know why.

[rwm1273]

Originally Posted by great white whaler

Spanking is a form of abuse,

So is not teaching your child right from wrong. Sounds like you were able to teach your children this. And without having to resort to corporal punishment.

Some kids learn differently than others. I believe that some kids need to feel some pain to learn. Others learn by a simple discussion about right and wrong. And some kids are just great kids that learn by example.

Some kids are swayed by bad people too easily. They do things because of peer pressure, or fear that they won't fit in. Other kids don't care what others think. They do what they think is right.

I don't think spanking is abuse, unless the person doing it is out of control. Others have said don't spank a child when you are angry, and I think this is good advice.

[topgun2269]

only when I got out of line!!!! hummmmmmm makes you wonder why some kids have no morals at all!!!! I would love to see Canada take on the rules of India!!!

Steal my car "lose a hand"" steal it again "lose your life" It would be pretty safe around here again !!!!!!

[bigbadjoe108]

My little guy is 3 and I have had to do it twice. Once he was reaching to a pot on the stove, the other he was trying to insert a (plastic)knife into a wall socket. Both times I gave him 2 warnings, and both times he looked me right in the eye, smiled and started again.

Now he doesn't do either dangerous thing now. And my previous attempts to reason with him did seem to fail, so I guess he learned the hard way. For the other less serious transgressions he gets a time out. Essentially we put him in his room until he calms down.

I think that, generally, parents know what they have to do to a child to get them on the right track. The time outs work for my little guy, spankings work for others.

I think judging someone who spanks, gives time outs or whatever to their kids is pretty much the wrong way to go. Unless you know both the parent and the kid, you really have nothing to reference.

[rwm1273]

Originally Posted by bigbadjoe108

My little guy is 3 and I have had to do it twice. Once he was reaching to a pot on the stove, the other he was trying to insert a (plastic)knife into a wall socket. Both times I gave him 2 warnings, and both times he looked me right in the eye, smiled and started again.

Now he doesn't do either dangerous thing now. And my previous attempts to reason with him did seem to fail, so I guess he learned the hard way. For the other less serious transgressions he gets a time out. Essentially we put him in his room until he calms down.

I think that, generally, parents know what they have to do to a child to get them on the right track. The time outs work for my little guy, spankings work for others.

I think judging someone who spanks, gives time outs or whatever to their kids is pretty much the wrong way to go. Unless you know both the parent and the kid, you really have nothing to reference.

I agree with your line of discipline. The times he got spanked were because he needed to learn a valuable lesson. The consequences of him not learning the lesson could be life or death. He learned that his actions will get a result from you. You spanked him not because he was cranky, but because you needed him to learn a lesson. Time outs work for your child's behavior issues. And it sounds like he is a hands on learner, which is why he does not respond to reasoning. At least this is my interpretation of your post.

[sunsetrider2011]

Spare the rod, Spoil the child

had my son tell me one time that if you spank me im going to call 911 i handed him the phone,, and said it takes 24 minutes for them to get here it is your choice. either way its going to turn out very badly for you,, he never said it again,, the fear of God And Dad was enough,,i think he realized that 24 mins with his Dad after a foolish comment and action was enough to curtail such behavior.

[Snowdog]

My 2yo has mostly TO's for minor stuff and with me my loud stern tone will put her in tears to easily correct bad behavior, but my wife (good cop) has no such luck and the little one has taken to biting her (in play and anger) and the TO's and harsh words have 0 effect so spankings are working quite well and now the threat of a spanking from mommy get a good correction.

I train SAR dogs in my spare time and as bad as it sounds young kids are just like dogs and most K9 techniques will work with kids who have limited reasoning capabilities. Reward good/desiarable behavior and punish bad/unwanted behavior, small steps and patience for both. Use your reasoning skills to deal with their lack of it.

Mrs Snowdog is a highschool teacher and if anyone should be allowed to spank kids it's teachers........my gosh the BS she has to put up with from the non-spanking generation on a daily basis is appauling, she is well paid but its not enough to deal with that crap EVERYDAY!

SD - out

[u_cant_rope_the_wind]

Every time you see a teenager you should slap them , because if they arent going to do something they arent supposed to do,
they are just comeing back from doing it

[Okotokian]

Originally Posted by gitrdun

I had the chit kicked outta me as a kid. But, I haven't passed it on, thanks to my wife who would have nothing to do with it. If it was up to me, I woulda kicked the crap outta those sandwich grappers and beat them to a pulp. Nothing like a good beating to set you straight.

Well, I guess hats off to your wife for not letting you set your kids straight.

[Okotokian]

Originally Posted by outwalking

This dirty-mouthed kid learned this from my own nasty little brother - who is currently not allowed at his own home and the locks were recently changed. My brother is 15. He steals money, jewellery and food from my mom, steals from the siblings, breaks things, uses terrible language, and basically terrorizes her and my stepdad. He's enticed my stepdad to grab at him or push him, and then he calls the cops.

.

I don't know what made your brother a vile criminal, but it wasn't a simple lack of a spanking. A lot more going on there to turn out a kid like that.

[RUBBERDUCKY]

Growing up, my father was an RCMP, never got a spanking, him waiving the gun around got the point across!

just kindding, I understood at an early age, if you did something stupid, or out of line, you got a sore arse, not from a hand, but the crevise tool attatchment from the shop vac, now that smarts!

[Redfrog]

Spanking is so old fashioned. I like to use the ear pinch, toe pull and work my way up to the electric collar.

Never thought much of an adult who had to beat a child with a belt to make a point. And yes I got belted as a child. Couldn't understand it then, can't understand now. Lost a lot of respect for my parents.

I have no issue with a parent who gives a kid a swat on the butt to get their attention or like Caber Tosser to redirect their train of thought.

I got swatted with a wooden spoon when I was a kid. One whack was a better attention getter than a beating with a belt. The only thing I learned from the belt was don't get caught.

[Sooner]

When my kids were toddlers and timeouts and stuff didnt work, a well placed little swat to the diaper or backside got their attention and did the trick. Nothing with any kind of power behind it. When they were around 10, they could really push it and most times hauling them off to their rooms got the point. I never used a belt, like we got when we were kids. Once my son (12 yrs old) said something really bad to his mom and got put in his room with big time concequenses but he kept chirpin at his mom, I walked in and warned him if he kept disrespecting his mom, he would get it. Well he kept at it and when I walked in the room he was rolling his eyes at me like your not going to do anything, he was wearing shorts and as I was walking toward him, he knew he went to far, I gave him a firm open hand slap just below his shorts, he wasnt expecting it there, thought it was going to be his butt so he covered it with his hands, so I dropped it a bit. It stung a bit for him but my point was made and he got it. You dont talk like that to your mom and if I have to come back after we warned you, your going to get it. Both him and my daughter have got the quick slap to the leg when they crossed a line. I only had to do it once to each. Now he is 14(hormones kicking in) and we are seeing that he can get pretty wound up. He has tried to goad me into hitting him, i mean punch type stuff. I just look at him and smile, he knows I could hurt him and I know he is just pushing the boundries like all kids do. He also knows I will never hit him like that or in anger. After each time I had to intervene with my kids, a nice heart to heart talk followed explaining the lines crossed and reasons for punishments. I have to say both my kids knew they went to far and deserved what they got. I think some form of spanking should be allowed in raising kids. It cant be excessive or done in anger. Most times situations can be difused before it gets to that. I am soooo looking forward to having a teenage son and daughter in the house next year. That should really test my paitence. All in all I have two great kids who are being raised to respect and treat people right. Lets hope they make it through their teenage years on the same path they are on now.

[Okotokian]

Originally Posted by Okotokian

I don't know what made your brother a vile criminal, but it wasn't a simple lack of a spanking. A lot more going on there to turn out a kid like that.

Outwalking, I should have put quotation marks around "vile criminal". I don't know if he is vile. Didn't want you to take offense.

[Dakota369]

Got spanked.............and spank my boy when he needs it........... This mamby pamby coddling of kids these days is why so many expect so much with little if any effort, and have no respect for authority. It is not until they are adults that they are ever held accountable for anything, and in my opinion that is too late. My boy will respect me and his mother ............... he is only 4 now but best to beat that into him before he is bigger and stronger....... as well as more open to outside influences........

[Okotokian]

Originally Posted by Dakota369

My boy will respect me and his mother ............... he is only 4 now but best to beat that into him before he is bigger and stronger

LOL He'll respect you based on his observations of your moral character over the years, not on how hard or often you can hit him.

[kbjohn]

I have 3 kids but I only spank one of them. The other 2 respond to time outs and stern lectures while the other only responds to the wrath of a good crank to the behind. It all depends on the kids and what form of disipline works for them.

[1badman]

i have no kids, i got spanked when i needed it , i got the strap in school when i needed it , i do think it made me think about the cons prior to beening rude or dumb , i was reminded more than a few times , the actions of a child refects the parent , the fear of letting my parents down hurt more than any spanking ever could. just my thoughts

[Arachnodisiac]

In theory, I do not spank, though I have, unfortunately, in the past.

As has been repeated several times already in this thread, one should never spank out of anger.

Well, I'm ashamed to admit it, but that's exactly what I have done a couple of times. A swat on the rear or on the hand, usually in the midst of a temper tantrum - and never very hard, but enough to get his attention. And I certainly regretted it.

My oldest has always been quite tractable, cerebral and way beyond his years in every intellectual regard. He gets that from me. (Except for the tractable part.)

When he was nine, and I was tucking him in, he signed and said to me, "What's the point of our species anyway, other than to reproduce?"


My youngest is hot-blooded, reactionary and passionate. He gets that from me too. But, it made him a challenge to deal with when he was younger. Easily excitable, easily upset, but also easily distracted. Except when we were grocery shopping and he wanted some candy.

Anyway, I have lost my temper a couple of times with him, though not for some time as he is much better to control his impulses now.

I can't imagine pre-meditating to deliberately hit my own children. I have seen a ton of peer-reviewed research that shows a trusting relationship between child and adult is the ideal situation.

Additionally, I do not permit my oldest to smack the youngest when he becomes irritating (which is admittedly frequently) so why on Earth would I not be required to show the same degree of restraint?

I have two very well-behaved, polite sons. Do they fear me? Absolutely. But not because they fear pain.

They fear me much in the same way I "fear" my boss. They know there are consequences for misbehaviour, but most importantly they hate disappointing me or letting me down.

It is the same with my dog. I establish dominance on a daily basis, I occasionally have to correct him, but I cannot train him by making him cower and a dog afraid of his master is much more likely to one day turn on him.

My boys know how hard I work for our quality of life, and by discussing matters of importance with them which include their role and responsibilities in our family, they have an appreciation of our family as a collective unit.

In other words, they know without any doubt I am in charge, but they also know that we have a partnership between the three of us. We will all make mistakes (myself included!) but we work them out with the greatest degree of respect possible.

[nekred]

I have 4 boys with completely different personalities... Each one is different and each situation is different.

many times and instances a harsh reprimand is enough, but sometimes they need something that gets their attention a bit more.

I once gave my tantrum throwing toddler a swat on the diaper to after trying other options in the store and a lady come up and told me that what I was doing was wrong and that she would call the police... i looked her in the eye and told her if she did not quit interefering...She was next! The applause was deafening!....

If you have have a problem with me administering corporal munishment then you should not have a problem with hooligans throwing roks, at your huse, lighting your animals on fire, breaking into your car and pulling flowers out of your flower bed....

As for trying to reason witha youngster about why hitting his brother with a hockey stick can hurt him and cause harm and maybe even blind him, sometimes they don't get it. If they that Action A results in Consequence B (a sudden pain in the rear).... they can compute that very quick...

My wife saw a little hooligan who was walking across the road and made us stop (he was jay walking) and he gave an arrogant little head toss to us with a sneer and my wife almost was ready to run him over. I have never flt like tuning someone so much in my life and seeing that we both agreed we would be providing proper discipline to our children.

[fourpoint]

I got spanked,and i deserved everyone of them did it make me a better person or worse, I believe a better person and taught me a lot of valuable lessons through my youth the no means no. i watched a lady in a large department store spank her son you could hear him all over the store she told him several times no and still proceeded to punch and kick her she spun him around the aisle and one quick swat to the azz and all was quite and she looked down the aisle and seen me and went pale white to which i replied don't let me stop you.my dad had a saying go find me a stick to tan your azz with and if it breaks on the first smack i will go find one, i can still remember the waterworks running while looking for the right one LOL

[Dakota369]

Originally Posted by Okotokian

LOL He'll respect you based on his observations of your moral character over the years, not on how hard or often you can hit him.

How do you figure that? Did you sit back and watch your Dad's moral character over the years and then decide to respect him (or not)? I didn't......... I first learned to respect my parents when I painfully was made aware of the fact that I was neither smarter, not stronger then either of them. I am 45 now and I will still do what my mother tells me to do............. out of a healthy amount of respect....... and admittedly a small amount of fear.........

(even though I am pretty sure I could "take her" if I had too....... )

[Okotokian]

Originally Posted by Dakota369

How do you figure that? Did you sit back and watch your Dad's moral character over the years and then decide to respect him (or not)?

Yes, that's exactly how it happened. That and love. Respect is earned. When you use the word respect I think you mean "fear" or "obey". Those are different concepts. Don't ever think you earn someone's "respect" by threatening or hitting them. When your boss threatens to fire your azz out the door, do you "respect" him, or simply obey him?

And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying a little fear of consequences isn't absolutely appropriate. I'm not an advocate of the "be your kid's buddy" approach. Just realize fear isn't the same as respect.

[pottymouth]

Originally Posted by sunsetrider2011

Spare the rod, Spoil the child

had my son tell me one time that if you spank me im going to call 911 i handed him the phone,, and said it takes 24 minutes for them to get here it is your choice. either way its going to turn out very badly for you,, he never said it again,, the fear of God And Dad was enough,,i think he realized that 24 mins with his Dad after a foolish comment and action was enough to curtail such behavior.

That's Funny !

My sister told my dad if he touched her she would call social services and the police. Dad threw her a phone book, and the phone , told her to do it !

Then he rolled up his sleeves, took off he's belt and put the craziest look i've ever seen on his face!

She started to freak out , and said "did you hear what I said I was going to do" !!!

Which Dad replied " Yup, I just want to make sure they believe you when they get here! "

LOL

I still thank my Dad, for keeping me in line! No teacher, police man or adult could do anything that bothered me. But utter the words I'm calling your parents, and hellian to angel in 1.2 secs!

Saying that I have been hit by teachers, principals and policemen ! To which all got hit back ! But never did I question my parents authority, and that's not because of fear , but the huge amount of Respect, I have for them!