Tales From The Treestand

TreeGuy · #1 10-12-2009, 10:23 PM

What are the weird and wacky things you've seen while perched in the air swaying in the breeze?

Tonight I was out on the main property I hunt. I lasted 2 hours in one stand before the onsetting hypothermia forced me to move. It was -8, snowing on and off and the wind was howling by times.

I figured I'd double time it to another stand about 500 yards away to get the blood moving and enough heat built up to last the next 2 hours until sunset.

Anyhow, I get up into the new stand, and at the exact instant I sparked a smoke to go with my beer I spotted three WT does!

Now over the past couple of seasons I've been friggin' around with a fawn in distress call with mainly encouraging results with the mulies. It was obvious that these does were tracking away from any possible shooting lane, and I had not as of yet tried the call on a WT.

Sooooo, I put my beer into the cupholder and replaced the smoke with the call. Well holy CRAP! I may as well of tried screaming, "I'm over here, come let me shoot you!". It apparently works better on mulies.

Well, about 15 minutes later, I crack open my snack of potato chips and commence to chow down. Out of the corner of my eye, what do I notice but Mr. Wile E. Coyote about 300 yards out stalking in to investigate. I'm not sure if it was the fawn distress, the smoke, the beer or the chips that had attracted his attention. Either way, the only thing I was going to share was another blow on the call.

Mr. Wile E. Coyote suddenly hits mach2 in my direction! "Yeehaw!!", I think. Taking one of those buggers with a bow is tough...........not as tough as the jerky they turn into, but close.

I'm now totally focused on him. That's when the sound of rustling leaves caught my attention. Holy hell, Batman there's a mulie doe directly under my feet and I have no way to take a shot. For a moment I considered a flying tackle, but that strange little area of the brain that occasionally keeps us from doing something exceptionally stupid managed to recall the, "Roping a Deer", story and resisted. Someday though..........

Now at this point, the doe is looking for the distressed fawn, and the coyote is closing quickly from downwind. "This should be interesting", I thought, and it sure was!

Coyote smelled deer and picked up the pace. Doe hears footsteps and vocals a brief bleat thinking perhaps it's the lost fawn. Neither have a visual on the other yet. The doe steps into a clear shooting lane and as I'm getting ready to draw, the brain kicks in again. It says to me, "Tree, as tastey as that doe would be, wouldn't the ensuing train-wreck be that much better?" I agree!

Yote closes to 20 yards with a thick swath of diamond willows between them. Doe makes a quick dash to the gap in the bush she expects the fawn to come running through. They met face-to-face for the first time at less than 20'! Thank the Gods for harnesses or else I'd be lying dead at the base of an aspen tree right now with an with an expression literally frozen on my face that looks just like this...............

Edit: That moment came a close second to seeing the Shrubs' great grandmother dropping an F-bomb this weekend while playing Wii Bowling. Priceless.........

Happy hunting guys. Stay warm out there!

Tree

BBJTKLE&FISHINGADVENTURES · #2 10-12-2009, 11:07 PM

Well , Did ya Kill the Coyote or the Doe ......

buckmaster · #3 10-12-2009, 11:14 PM

.

[Anyhow, I get up into the new stand, and at the exact instant I sparked a smoke to go with my beer I spotted three WT does!

Tree[/QUOTE]

Couldnt have said that any bettter could you ?

S.A.S · #4 10-13-2009, 12:13 AM

I genuinely enjoyed your whole story!

Knownonscents · #5 10-13-2009, 02:23 AM

the only part I didn't fully get of your story is tht yoour tree stand has a cup holder???? Im jealous.

I tell ya, as this being my first season in a tree stand the only tales from the treestand I have are ones of the odd dreams I have while sitting up there.I'm lucky I didn't take the easy way down on a couple of occasions.

packhuntr · #6 10-13-2009, 03:06 AM

Sounds like you had just a fantastic experience in the outdoors Tree.

marlin1 · #7 10-13-2009, 07:44 AM

good story tree, I also froze on friday out looking for partridge. That wind was nasty, surprized I hit anything

BigRackLover · #8 10-13-2009, 08:30 AM

Another classic tale, thanks for sharin.

Stinky Buffalo · #9 10-13-2009, 08:37 AM

Awesome, Tree! Sure enjoyed that read.

Stinky

Ken07AOVette · #10 10-13-2009, 10:29 AM

[QUOTE=TreeGuy;408352]What are the weird and wacky things you've seen while perched in the air swaying in the breeze?
For a moment I considered a flying tackle, but that strange little area of the brain that occasionally keeps us from doing something exceptionally stupid managed to recall the, "Roping a Deer", story and resisted. Someday though..........

BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA

breathe
breathe

You should be in radio brother, that is funny chit right there!

TreeGuy · #11 10-19-2009, 11:18 PM

Now for tonight's edition of Tales From The Treestand.

It all started off so well. Schedualed an early day in order to spend the evening on stand. Managed to hammer the job off and be home at 2pm. Things are looking good. Then, Mrs Tree proudly anounces, "I washed your cammo, hon.", uh oh.

"You did what, sweetie?", I nervously asked.

"I was out in the garage and found your outfit and thought I'd wash if for your hunt tonight." Says she. "I used a new detergenant with extra whiteners and then dried it with extra Bouncy!"

"Umm, thanks", I stammered. Thankfully I have the survival instinct of a cockroach, otherwise I'd be spending ANOTHER week in the doghouse.

For you see, there is a certain conection between a treestand bowhunter and his cammo. If yer simple enough, it's dang near a religious thing. Good grief, Charlie Brown! I spent almost 3 seasons rolling/crawling through mud, blood, leaves, bogs, the occasional cow pie, gut piles, etc trying to build the ultimate cover scent into it...........and now it is gone.

I would've gone with cammo pattern number two, but apparently it's still in the dryer...........We'll deal with this sacreligious act at a later date, likely AFTER hunting season!

Anyhoo, the conditions were ideal. The temperature was fairly mild, the wind was low and consistant and there was a light rain with fog. I decided to alter my route in to stay as concealed as possible in my now day-glow cammo.

In 15 minutes, I bumped 15 friggin' deer. I swear they were laughing at me more than being frightened. Kindda like if Richard Simmons just called you out. Sheeze.

Plan B. Get to stand. Get in stand. Try not to act like a disco ball.

Plan B seemed to work. Quietly crept the final 200 yards with the wind in my face to the base of the tree. Things are looking up. I tie the rope to my bow to pull up once buckled in.

I begin my ascent. Well then all HELL breaks loose! About half-way up, I hear a 'snap'. I look over to the bush 40 yards from the stand and an 18' tall cow moose stands up! She looks me square in the eye and, well, the only way I can possibly describe the sound she made is, 'ROAR'!

With the glowing red eyes and flames bellowing from her nostrils, I figured my time on this Earth was over. Death by cow would be the final verdict. Then her calf stood up. Little snot-nosed bugger knew full well he had the T-Rex of cows backing him and proceeded to stick his tounge out at me. This act of disrespect broke my terror and raised my ire. "We'll meet again", I vowed!

I scrambled to the realitive safety of the tiny stand in a skinny tree. This is when the bull appeared..........No problem with him though. With a girl as big and mean as his, Rosie O'donnell would be a joke.

Anyways, these three swamp donkeys took off through the bush I was going to spend the next three hours watching. Sigh........I haven't seen so many white flags since we vacationed in Paris.

By now, I had pretty much figured any opportunity for the evening was long gone. Yet, these was still some cammo to get broken back in, so I decided to hang for the next three hours.

Well, about an hour or so before sunset, a half dozen coyotes seemed to surround my possition and commence to have a noisy conversation. I can't believe how many there are this year, but it's always nice to have a 'winter project'.

Since I figured there wasn't a deer left for a mile around, it was time for a couple of toots on the fawn distress call in order to potentially entertain myself. It worked even better than expected!

Within 2 minutes, a pair of the goofiest yotes I've ever seen race in. They were biting and nipping at each other on the dead run. Kindda reminded me of the dumb hyennas from The Lion King One pushed the other into a deadfall that tripped it up. Then it tried to jump up on the wet long and slipped off. I'm not sure what scared them off. It was either the Deviled Eggs for a snack, or the loud farts induced from trying to contain my laughter!

What a night!

Tree

PS I've written this to cheer me up. With 15 minutes left in legal light, the biggest WT buck I've ever had a chance at came in and stopped calmly broadside at 25 yards. I drew without spooking him, and then let off. There just wasn't enough light. He blended in too well and my pin was not bright enough for me to be able to take the shot.............maybe next time.

BBJTKLE&FISHINGADVENTURES · #12 10-19-2009, 11:43 PM

lol:

God Sean you gotta be the funnyest dude on the planet . That was priceless . I can just picture you

My mother jusst rolled her eyes , she says I beleave it .

Rocks · #13 10-19-2009, 11:47 PM

You spin a fine tale Tree.

You'll get your buck next time!

BigRackLover · #14 10-20-2009, 06:47 AM

Good one Tree - get an anchor sight and you'll be able to take that shot.

zabbo · #15 10-20-2009, 07:14 AM

LMAO

Great stories!!

marlin1 · #16 10-20-2009, 07:16 AM

don't feel too bad about your camo tree, my jacket got ripped off from my vehicle on the weekend . good read as always. You'll bloody that new knive soon I think

SugarCreek · #17 10-20-2009, 07:32 AM

Good read as always......Tree. Just curious, how recently did you watch the Lion King

Look forward to seeing pics of your success out of your stand. Keep having fun........Marco

PoorTurtle · #18 10-20-2009, 10:44 AM

I can't wait for your next hurt.
thanks for the laughs and very smart not to get into it with the wife.

Albertadiver · #19 10-20-2009, 10:52 AM

mmm.... Lavander febreeze scented camo.... Tree... you're starting to become attractive!

russ · #20 10-20-2009, 03:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TreeGuy

There just wasn't enough light. He blended in too well and my pin was not bright enough for me to be able to take the shot.............maybe next time.

You can get longer fibers to help with that problem. I've also been cheated by having a peep that didn't turn enough.

elnino54 · #21 10-21-2009, 08:11 AM

Sean..........Your Like the Patrick F McManus of the hunting world. You should be writing a book !!!!!

#22 10-21-2009, 02:28 PM

Sound's like a fun time good for you treeguy

redneck posse · #23 10-21-2009, 02:50 PM

hey buddy i'll message your wife and let her know to toss in a couple pair of red socks next time she washes your camo...

motox208 · #24 10-21-2009, 07:05 PM

sight light does wonders sean, saved me more than once to get that last minute shot in.

russ · #25 10-21-2009, 07:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by motox208

sight light does wonders sean, saved me more than once to get that last minute shot in.

except if you want to enter an animal into P&Y in which their rules of fair chase state no electronic devices on bow or arrow. So basically no sight lights and no illuminated nocks.

motox208 · #26 10-21-2009, 07:50 PM

to each their own. i have not entered any of my animals, they still look just as good on my wall either way, imo its too much effort to worry about putting my name in a book. but everyone has their own opinion and as long as sight lights are legal i will be using one. its not that i hunt past legal time, but when sitting in a pitch black ground blind out hunting it makes the shot that much easier when you dont see a blur of horizontal lines where your pins should be.

TreeGuy · #27 10-21-2009, 10:47 PM

Ever wonder what happens when you kick a badger in the arse?

Today's plan was to hit the stand in the dark for the first time. Sunrise was set at 08:09am, and I wanted to be in place by at least 07:00am. Unfortunately, the bug bit me a little earlier, and ended up being out the door with time to kill at 04:45.

Wanna make a Mac's employee nervous? Buy a bottle of grapefruite juice and then spend the next 20 minutes siffting through a Maxim magazine in full cammo at 5 am!

Yesterday, I ended up in WSS, and bought a super-dee-duper bottle of 'doe in estrus' urine. The plan was to lay down a scent trail. The plan most certainly DID NOT include having the cheap bottle cap crack while inadvertantly placed upside down in my pants pocket! Ughh! Three showers later and I'm STILL gonna be on the couch tonight. On the bright side, the camo is quickly coming back into form.

Regardless, for the first time ever, I didn't see a single animal on the property. After 3 hours in the stand, it was time to head back to town and go to work. This is when thing started to get interesting.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a badger working his way through a combined field. Now I'm no badger expert by any means, but one out in the open at 10:30am was a bit unusual. I figured he was either between dens, or was a youngun seeking his own territory.

It occurs to me that I've never ever gotten a picture of a badger. It occurs to me that this is probably a young and dumb one far away from a den. It occurs to me that he's only about 50 yards away.........You see where I'm going here, right?

Pop psychology. Fight or Flight.

I figured that if I could overcome his initial 'flight' instinct, it would trigger his 'fight' instinct and I'd get an amazing pic. Makes sense, right?

So, I grab the camera and start toward him. Then the race is on! Try and picture a dude in full camo running full out through an open field, with a camera in hand. Then try to imagine what went through the minds of the two little old ladies in the late 80's era Caddy driving by.

What I learned was that badgers aren't that fast. Within 100 yards, I was right on his tail wanting to get him to hit 'fight' mode.

Eventually, it became apparant that he wasn't gonna stop. Thus, the first bright idea that came to mind was to give him a swift punt in the rear end! It worked.............

Yikes! Badgers are pretty ferocious little critters..........especially after being kicked in the arse.

He turned, crouched, bared teeth and hissed. It is at this point in time where I am beginning to regret my judgement. It was although lucifer himself was manifested in a 16lb package!

Up with the camera. The perfect badger pic was right here, right now. Camera 'beeps'. *Out of Memory* it says. Before I could erase a couple of pics, the bugger was down a hole it didn't really fit into.

Sigh. Fun way to end the day though.

Tree

Albertadiver · #28 10-21-2009, 11:18 PM

Oh my... you are the next Ernest Hemingway / Jim Carey of Hunting...

Johnny · #29 10-22-2009, 10:07 PM

oh man....

I haven't laughed that hard in long time.....keep it comin.

I love the Mac's story ..... I some times wonder what my neighbors think of me when I get into my truck with full camo on....yes I live in suburbanite ville ..... can't wait until the day comes when I can roll into the subdivision with Elk horns hanging out of the back of my truck...

P.S. I think you should approach AO and ask that they let you provide some a comic release column in the mag....good stuff

Cheers

John

TreeGuy · #30 10-29-2009, 11:03 PM

Finally got some pics. Here's the buck I drew down on due to lack of light. I still do not regret that decision........sortta.

I'll get another chance.

Tree