women problems (what to do looking for help from experienced gentlemen) - Page 4

Skybuster · #91 06-15-2011, 10:02 AM

Winger7mm - if you are still reading these posts then you must be really wrestling with this question. When this post was a page and a half I thought about adding my comments but decided not to since I didn't have anything new to add. But still the post grows and I can't stand being left out of a party so here is my two cents....

My first thought was Run Away..Fast. In the end I still think this is your best choice, but as many others have said, you know your situation best, and I am working with a biased rendition - yours. I have a wife that doesn't hunt. We have been married over 25 years. She isn't into hunting but she does like the meat. She and the wives of my two hunting buddies accept the fact that they are Sept to Nov widows. My wife is a dance instructor. I don't particularly care for the whole dance scene, yet I am the light man at her recitals each year.

My main point is compromise. In every relationship you need to put some work into it and you will need to compromise to make it work. That however is a two way street. The other side must also respect you enough to compromise. In the end if you want to maintain the relationship you need to decide if the compromise is worth it. My wife has stated that no dead things will grace the walls in our house. They will remain in the garage. Unfortunately I haven't been good enough of a hunter to bag something I wanted to mount. If/when I do one of us is going to have to compromise. If she is absolutely dead set against the activity, then I will decide if it means enough to me to sever the relationship. A mount on the wall will not mean that much to me. If she told me that I had to stop hunting, different story, I would laugh and go hunting.

Your situation is yours alone. Only you can determine if the compromise is worth it. Personally I agree with the general trend of the responses here, this is a big thing and it sounds like a manipulation. I would not compromise. But if the girl means enough to you, perhaps you will.

The last thing I'll add is communication. No relationship will work if you don't have communication. Talk to her, explain why it's so important to you, and how important it is to you. Maybe she'll come around. If not then you will have a choice to make. My opinion is you should pay attention to the general flavour of the responses you have been getting. They are pretty damn good.

TheClash · #92 06-15-2011, 10:06 AM

Lots of advice here...and not that I have too much experience with this at all..married 12 years..all good ones...and I do have that movie kind of love..as well as the movie kind of argument!! lol.

seems to me you have to make the decision of if you really want to still be in this relationship. Do YOU want to get married and if so is this the woman you want to be married to. If so then you have some work to do. Do you have a pastor, priest, rabbi etc. that may be able to function as a moderator and help work things out between you two. Sometimes it helps to have someone there that isn't on anyone's side but can see both sides clearly.

However, if your mind, gut and heart are all in conflict about this...I think you have some very serious contemplating to do. I have always said I didn't get married to get divorced (no offense meant to those that have been divorced)..but it does take work..sometimes a lot of work and if you two can't work it out right now, you will never get past it in your marriage and it WILL cause more problems than either of you need. I would hope that you would never base your decision solely on what strangers on the web say- but marriage, imho, is about compromise and living for someone else...give a little, take a little. If she is not willing to give a little and you are not willing to give a little then someone is just taking...and that will not work. People have said a divorce costs more than a marriage...well doing both is even more expensive.

Good luck. I would say to take some alone time to be by yourself, look at who you are and what you want for the future as well as speak to some trusted friends and family and if it was me I would be spending some time on my knees asking someone else for some guidance...but that is just me.

warbridle · #93 06-15-2011, 10:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doetracks

Wow.. and I married a guy that hunted, yet now I can't get him to go. Too many aches and pains.

Better shorten the honey-do list, or quit "stripping" outside? LOL!!

KegRiver · #94 06-15-2011, 11:14 AM

This is my second chance. I messed up the first time. For 18 year I tried to make it work but all I did was dig a deeper hole for me and my kids.

Like you I was a stud. I'd been with lots of girls before I got married. Or so I thought. Actually I knew nothing, so at 18 I got married. It lasted for 18 years.

Marriage is hard work but both of you have to work at it. If it's one sided , either way, it can not last.

If each of you set out to do all you can to make the other happy, then it will work.

You have a choice to make, and it's probably gonna hurt. But it's better to loose a toe then a whole leg. A little pain now or a lot of pain later, your choice.

And by the way. A good wife is worth more then all the diamonds and Gold in the world. Don't settle for a lead weight around your neck.

catnthehat · #95 06-15-2011, 11:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 6tmile

Why would you ask for advice on this topic on a hunting and outdoors forum. Its your decision not no one elses. Dont take advice from guys that have been through a couple of divorces, theres reasons why they are divorced. I know that there are two sides to every story, but think about it.

Not all of us have not been a divorce, I have been married for 25 years.
However, I have been i a few relationships and have seen MANY friends get divorced and know a bit about what makes a couple take that road.
It is his decison, for sure, and I do hope that e thinks about it very carefully, because tius is one relationship that is going nowhere but the rocks ang gaining speed.
Cat

barbie_bambi_killer · #96 06-15-2011, 11:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FishingMOM

Why get married to someone who doesn't accept you and what you stand for?
Sure it will cost to cancel the hall and what not but that a lot cheaper than going through and finding himself in divorce court in no time.

JENNIFER

You are YOUNG! If someone loves you unconditionally, they will not ask or expect you to change your core values. I trusted my gut, walked away, it wasn't easy, but I am so incredibly happy with that decision now, I couldn't imagine what my life would be if I hadn't abandoned ship!

Thats my two cents! You have a lot of food for thought up here! Good luck!

marlin1 · #97 06-15-2011, 12:10 PM

hey Barbie you still single

kccon · #98 06-15-2011, 12:11 PM

did you ever think of asking her to join you. thats what i did,bought her a rifle and taught her to shoot now she is an avid hunter, guts and skins her own game. the only thing she doesnt like is hunting camp, living in a wall tent not her style. never complains about my hunting or fishing. i guess im just lucky.

FishingMOM · #99 06-15-2011, 12:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kccon

did you ever think of asking her to join you. thats what i did,bought her a rifle and taught her to shoot now she is an avid hunter, guts and skins her own game. the only thing she doesnt like is hunting camp, living in a wall tent not her style. never complains about my hunting or fishing. i guess im just lucky.

Read what he originally posted.

Quote:

I have taken the fiancee on a few hunts with me. One hunt we were in a soon to be burn-pile with 7 does around 70-170 yards away with 4 bucks (the largest being around 140) fighting and sparring and strutting there stuff. she had never seen anything like that, not even on tv!!!! I bagged a 186 6/8 when he came out and tried to make is dominance, she helped me drag it more then 400 yards to where we could get it with a truck. Now the last few months shes all no hunting cute cuddly bears, no hunting bambis even though they taste the best and I take at least one every year. She is most definatly against hanging stuff on the walls.

zabbo · #**100** 06-15-2011, 12:27 PM

Buy yourself a new rifle and"GO HUNTING!"

DarkAisling · #**101** 06-15-2011, 12:35 PM

Let me preface this by saying that I'm a die-hard romantic. My heart has overridden my brain more times than I can count . . . and, don't ask me how well that's worked out for me. I once had a therapist who told me that I "could find the silver lining in a lead lined bucket." My mother says that while there is no doubt about my intelligence, my common sense is seriously questionable.

That being said, this doesn't sound good. I've run it through my head a half dozen times, and I'm having a really hard time finding a sliver lining.

I think the early to mid-twenties are a terrible age for a lot of women (but not all) . . . there is a weird self-discovery process that goes on in some cases: where something is okay one week and not the next. It can be virtually impossible to keep up with what is going on with them. It could be that someone, with more pull than you, is influencing her feelings and judgement on this matter.

It could be that the stresses of school are getting to her, and she's taking it out on you. I have a couple of friends who flipped right out and got really weird coming up to their last year of study. The fact that they would soon be out of school and have to function on the job was a brutal concept to wrap their heads around. Both of them made messes of their relationships.

Another thought . . . Her nose could simply be out of joint because she sees you having fun and spending money on things you enjoy, while she may not have the same luxury. If that's the case, she could be taking out her frustrations on you and your "hobby."

You really need to sit her down and talk to her: to try to find out exactly what is going on. You have emotionally invested over five years into this relationship, and you have financially invested in your mutual future by supporting her through school. If she won't talk, or she really has gone "anti" on you . . . then your best course of action is to cut your losses and walk away: though I sincerely hope that isn't the case.

kccon · #**102** 06-15-2011, 12:38 PM

sorry missed the first page.

Private Ear · #**103** 06-15-2011, 12:42 PM

Show her this thread!

Over 100 posts in 18 hours...Just goes to show you how much we outdoors types value our hobby.

barbie_bambi_killer · #**104** 06-15-2011, 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marlin1

hey Barbie you still single

Absolutely taken!

marlin1 · #**105** 06-15-2011, 01:20 PM

figures , all the good ones are always taken

Slannesh · #**106** 06-15-2011, 01:20 PM

Hey man,

Don't have much to add that hasn't already been said but at the end of the day it's about what's important.

To some people hunting/fishing and all is just a hobby, they like it or they can take it or leave it. To others, and probably most of us here, it's a lifestyle which is a whole different thing.

The bottom line is, you have to decide what's most important to your life and what you're willing to compromise and what you're not. Relationships are about communication and compromise on the little stuff. You can't compromise your morals or values without changing who you are.

My wife is adamant about no heads on the wall. To a lot of guys here that's a deal breaker, to me? Not at all. I've got a few that i've pre-inherited from my father that I keep because of their sentimental value and some day they'll make it up on the wall in my man cave but as i'm mostly a meat hunter I have no idea if i'll ever add to them or not. That's a compromise I was willing to make.

I was ambivalent on having kids, she was adamant she was going to have more. New bun #2 is in the oven right now and our little guy is turning 1 next month, wouldn't trade them for the world but they only exist because she wasn't willing to compromise that and we were both up front and honest about it when we got together.

To me it sounds like your GF either wants out and doesn't want to be the bad guy or her opinions have changed. That happens too as you're growing up. We're all much different people now than we were when we we were 19.

The best advice I can give you, is to have an honest talk with her and try not to let it turn into a screaming match. Tell her what you're willing to compromise on and what you're not, have her do the same and once that's out there you'll know if you have a future or not.

Bullseye Bills Trading Po · #**107** 06-15-2011, 01:20 PM

Ive bin through this with 2 out of three wives. You are young andcan find somone else. You cant change her. So tell her to hit the high road. Your not married and see is telling you what to do. Once you are married see is going to make your life hell. If you are having secound thoughts you already know the answere. Good luck but go with the gut fealing. The next female in my life im going to drag her throught the woods on the trapline and if she can handle it then she can be in my life
good luck Bill! Remember Layers always win for the female!

Boss442 · #**108** 06-15-2011, 01:51 PM

I have a close freind of many years that has been an avid hunter and has ruined many relationships because of his unwillingness to compromize "his" life style. Now he is 42 years old, no wife, relationship or kids, just a bunch of dusty, old looking stupid trophies hanging on his wall! His mother passed away a couple of years ago and would'nt be suprised if she had wished her son would have grown up and given her some grandchildren that she could have enjoyed. I have nothing against hunting (otherwise I would'nt be on this site) but there is more to life than hunting. I'm not saying that you have to give it up completely but you have to make compramises in order to have a successful long lasting relationship. If you are not willing to make those changes for her maybe she is the lucky one and dumps you for someone that really cares for her feelings.

BANG · #**109** 06-15-2011, 02:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boss442

I have a close freind of many years that has been an avid hunter and has ruined many relationships because of his unwillingness to compromize "his" life style. Now he is 42 years old, no wife, relationship or kids, just a bunch of dusty, old looking stupid trophies hanging on his wall! His mother passed away a couple of years ago and would'nt be suprised if she had wished her son would have grown up and given her some grandchildren that she could have enjoyed. I have nothing against hunting (otherwise I would'nt be on this site) but there is more to life than hunting. I'm not saying that you have to give it up completely but you have to make compramises in order to have a successful long lasting relationship. If you are not willing to make those changes for her maybe she is the lucky one and dumps you for someone that really cares for her feelings.

O.M.G! Your just messing with the kid right?

Boss442 · #**110** 06-15-2011, 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BANG

O.M.G! Your just messing with the kid right?

True story.......

KegRiver · #**111** 06-15-2011, 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marlin1

figures , all the good ones are always taken

Not even close. They are there, if you know what to look for.

To find a good wife you first have to become a good husband.

marlin1 · #**112** 06-15-2011, 02:26 PM

you are most likely right keg , maybe I haven't figured that part out yet , maybe next time

Boss442 · #**113** 06-15-2011, 02:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marlin1

you are most likely right keg , maybe I haven't figured that part out yet , maybe next time

I think he is right, and would bet his wife would say the same thing!

KegRiver · #**114** 06-15-2011, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marlin1

you are most likely right keg , maybe I haven't figured that part out yet , maybe next time

A tip.

We all have our good points and not so good points. Learn to see the good and bad in everyone you meet and you will find a lot of gems.

huntinstuff · #**115** 06-15-2011, 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boss442

I have a close freind of many years that has been an avid hunter and has ruined many relationships because of his unwillingness to compromize "his" life style. Now he is 42 years old, no wife, relationship or kids, just a bunch of dusty, old looking stupid trophies hanging on his wall! His mother passed away a couple of years ago and would'nt be suprised if she had wished her son would have grown up and given her some grandchildren that she could have enjoyed. I have nothing against hunting (otherwise I would'nt be on this site) but there is more to life than hunting. I'm not saying that you have to give it up completely but you have to make compramises in order to have a successful long lasting relationship. If you are not willing to make those changes for her maybe she is the lucky one and dumps you for someone that really cares for her feelings.

There is a lot if truth in the above post

I believe that a great wife and kids sure do make life worthwhile......I just dont think the kid should pay thru the nose to get it

At 24 yrs old, women will be falling all over him.

TheClash · #**116** 06-15-2011, 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boss442

I have a close freind of many years that has been an avid hunter and has ruined many relationships because of his unwillingness to compromize "his" life style. Now he is 42 years old, no wife, relationship or kids, just a bunch of dusty, old looking stupid trophies hanging on his wall! His mother passed away a couple of years ago and would'nt be suprised if she had wished her son would have grown up and given her some grandchildren that she could have enjoyed. I have nothing against hunting (otherwise I would'nt be on this site) but there is more to life than hunting. I'm not saying that you have to give it up completely but you have to make compramises in order to have a successful long lasting relationship. If you are not willing to make those changes for her maybe she is the lucky one and dumps you for someone that really cares for her feelings.

lots of good points in this post as well...good to consider the other side as well.

I also would add that if my wife came to me and said "I don't want you to hunt ever again...it is either hunting that goes or me and the kids"...well I would have no problem never hunting again. But hunting is not a part of my heritage, my persona etc. It doesn't mean enough to ME to lose my wife and kids over. It does not define me or hold enough pleasure for me that I couldn't make that change easily enough. Lots of recreational things to do in life...not a one of them is something I would lose my family over.

Scotty P. · #**117** 06-15-2011, 02:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boss442

I have a close freind of many years that has been an avid hunter and has ruined many relationships because of his unwillingness to compromize "his" life style. Now he is 42 years old, no wife, relationship or kids, just a bunch of dusty, old looking stupid trophies hanging on his wall! His mother passed away a couple of years ago and would'nt be suprised if she had wished her son would have grown up and given her some grandchildren that she could have enjoyed. I have nothing against hunting (otherwise I would'nt be on this site) but there is more to life than hunting. I'm not saying that you have to give it up completely but you have to make compramises in order to have a successful long lasting relationship. If you are not willing to make those changes for her maybe she is the lucky one and dumps you for someone that really cares for her feelings.

You have some very good points here but I'm curious if your friend has told you that he regrets not getting married and/or having children? Maybe he is living his life exactly the way he wants to. I'm not trying to bash you it's just not everyone is cut out for marrage or children.

huntinstuff · #**118** 06-15-2011, 02:54 PM

Here' s a letter I received from someone asking
my advice on something. I hope it helps:

Dear Huntinstuff,

Yesterday I retuned home from work early and as I pulled into the driveway I noticed a large crack in the driveway near the corner of the garage door.

I was inspecting the damage when a shiny sportscar stopped in front of my house, driven by some young guy in his mid 20's. My wife got out of the passenger side of the sports car and I saw her reach into her purse and take out a pair of panties. She proceded to put her panties back on, passionately kiss the young man, then went into the house.... What should I do ?
-signed concerned husband

I replied:

Dear concerned husband,

Cracks near the overhead garage door can be problematic, especially in Alberta with the freeze and thaw. It is best to remove the damaged cement and replace it. After the cement cures, use a good quality cement sealant to prevent water from seeping into the crack repair.

Boss442 · #**119** 06-15-2011, 03:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheClash

lots of good points in this post as well...good to consider the other side as well.

I also would add that if my wife came to me and said "I don't want you to hunt ever again...it is either hunting that goes or me and the kids"...well I would have no problem never hunting again. But hunting is not a part of my heritage, my persona etc. It doesn't mean enough to ME to lose my wife and kids over. It does not define me or hold enough pleasure for me that I couldn't make that change easily enough. Lots of recreational things to do in life...not a one of them is something I would lose my family over.

...........and sometimes we have to sacrifice for the betterment of our familys. Hunting is not a cheap recreation/sport, and not sometimes but most of the time we have to give up things that we love for the bigger picture. When my kids were young (now moved away from home) I could never dream of taking weeks off to go hunting and leave all my other commitments behind, just would'nt have been fair! Now if I was independently wealthy and had unlimited time off it would be a different story.

TheClash · #**120** 06-15-2011, 03:05 PM

yup..but at the same time there still has to be a balance. weeks off at a time, nope not for me yet...but a couple of days here and there sure, not a problem. Luckily I have a wife that supports my activities and understands the value of me being outside doing things I love from hunting, to backpacking, snowboarding, mt biking, skateboarding, golf etc. pays off more in family happiness than the costs associated with it. But again if that ever changed, my family always comes first.