Ethics

[Sledhead71]

Originally Posted by ctd

Some of your guys way of thinking leaves me to think that if I leave valuables in my truck and some stranger comes by and wants to borrow them, but it is late at night and I am sleeping they can take them. Since i was sleeping and did not wake up to say no that I can't call them a thief because they are only borrowing them. Long term mind you.

You and your "friend" need to face the realities of this situation. If in deed your friend was violated, I am pretty sure they would confide in their spouse as to the happenings of this night and involve the authorities in the matter..

Confiding in you as to what you think, when you were not there nor witnessed this act leads me to believe that someone is searching for a way to rid themselves of the guilt.

The whole passed out, wake up fully clothed means someone was aware enough to redress themselves.

My advise if for you is politely excuse yourself from this situation and have your friend confide in their spouse as to what actually happened. Boy I would be upset myself if what you were saying was true and it took days, possibly weeks for my significant to come clean...

[chadyaz]

In my younger years, I used to hit the sauce pretty good. I've been so drunk that I didn't remember agreeing to do things until I was told of my actions the next day. Does that mean that my friends should be responsible for my actions?

Just because the married person doesn't remember giving consent, it doesn't mean it didn"t happen. Accusing someone of rape without proof could cause serious issues for the accused for the rest of their life.

On the other hand, maybe it was rape. We don't have enough facts to know either way

[TIMWOLF]

If this is yourself or a friend, only that person can weigh their feelings on the subject and decide what to do from there.

The biggest thing I see is alcohol being involved. In past experience I have found that alcohol really never has any positive results. I can recount of fights, personal injurues sustained while being intoxicated, lost wallets, lost phones, questionable withdrawls from my bank account, and waking up to the odd female in a strange place.

Having gone through this type of thing in the past has led me to conduct myself the way I do today. I drink a beer or two because I enjoy the taste, but nowadays I cannot see the point in getting totally out of it because I have never really had anything good come from it.

With my wife and I we have an agreement. More often than not we are together at social functions, but if not, we make it a rule to not get drunk. We both agree that a person does not need alcohol to have a good time. I think the social stigma to "drink" is pushed to heavily these days and leads people down avenues that they would not take normally.

As far as telling the spouse of the person in question. Be up front about it, as its a smaller world than one might think and he/she will probably find out anyways, especially if a guy brags about it. Adultery is never a good thing for a relationship, but hiding things that are as substantial as this topic is probably going to cause indirect issues anyways. If you are lying to your spouse, chances are your relationship is not as strong as it could be in the first place.

[gitrdun]

The way I read it, there were 3 people on that bed. The third one confirmed that something in fact did happen. Nice friend for letting it happen though,

[tina-marie]

Sounds like they should have taken a taxi or called spouse for a ride.

[FishingMOM]

Originally Posted by Sledhead71

My advise if for you is politely excuse yourself from this situation and have your friend confide in their spouse as to what actually happened. Boy I would be upset myself if what you were saying was true and it took days, possibly weeks for my significant to come clean...

Smartest Man in the thread!

[Mutter87]

Glad to see the voices of reason showed up.

What will this "call the cops it was rape" lead to!

$10,000 - $15,000+ in Legal Fees
Lost and strained friendships
Potentially loss of a job
And an extremely damged and tarnished reputation

All because the girl wants to make it seem like she didn't cheat?

They both woke up fully clothed, the writing is on the wall.

[winged1]

I'm going to assume that your speaking with the husband of the woman. His needs will be much different than her's. Either way, because it's such a personal matter, it will be up to the individuals to decide on thier course of action. Some women would consider it near life ending, while others engage in such activities. What it means to her will guide her actions. As a third party, if it was me, I'd be more interested in the perpetrater, to see if he was a danger to others, and to spread the good word based on solid evidence.

There is another concern I'd have, and that of the host and the 'safe' house they partied at. Something is wrong if an offense takes place without notice. If the event meant much to me, I'd be standing in front of them with a few choice questions.

In the end, as a third party, I'd only provide emotional support, as you are irrelevant in any other action. To support action of his choice, which may further injure the 'victims' well being, may be counterproductive. Let her decide, in the time frame she chooses.