Go Back   Alberta Outdoorsmen Forum > Main Category > General Discussion

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #61  
Old 01-18-2020, 08:52 AM
Mistagin Mistagin is online now
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ft. McMurray and Kingston
Posts: 1,762
Default

My Mom, to my bro one day (he was having , how shall I put it? 'issues' with the ladies):
"Just be sure that when you sit down you don't squash your brain."

Dad and I had to leave the room after that one
Reply With Quote
  #62  
Old 01-18-2020, 08:53 AM
walleye guy's Avatar
walleye guy walleye guy is offline
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 232
Default

dad - do as I say not as I do !
Reply With Quote
  #63  
Old 01-18-2020, 09:25 AM
graybeard graybeard is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Calgary, AB
Posts: 2,122
Default

Sometimes it wasn't what was said but the sound of the belt leaving the ol' mans belt loops.

Not abuse but simple discipline or quick adjustment to re-focus to his line of thinking....
__________________
Life is like baseball; it is the number of times you reach home safely, that counts.

We have two lives: The life we learn with and the life we live with after that.
Reply With Quote
  #64  
Old 01-18-2020, 09:30 AM
tbiddy tbiddy is offline
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 1,958
Default

I wouldn’t pizz in his ear if his brain was on fire.

My heart pumps purple pizz for him

You have to be a goddamn Philadelphia lawyer to understand this (usually when he was reading the instructions on how to build something for my mom)
Reply With Quote
  #65  
Old 01-18-2020, 09:46 AM
obsessed1 obsessed1 is offline
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 2,919
Default

" your like a turd on the waves"
Reply With Quote
  #66  
Old 01-18-2020, 09:50 AM
Mayhem Mayhem is offline
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Deadmonton
Posts: 1,342
Default

"Are you sure you're lying?"
Reply With Quote
  #67  
Old 01-18-2020, 10:13 AM
Savage Bacon's Avatar
Savage Bacon Savage Bacon is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Calgary-Red Deer area
Posts: 3,205
Default

Ex gfs dad in my late teens.

"Are you smoking the wacky tobacky?"
__________________
I'm not really a licensed bodyman or heavy duty mechanic. I just play one at work.
Reply With Quote
  #68  
Old 01-18-2020, 10:16 AM
Whitetail503's Avatar
Whitetail503 Whitetail503 is offline
 
Join Date: Nov 2019
Location: Morinville
Posts: 79
Default

I told a friend of mine the other day that if I could go back in time 25 years to when I was 18 I would tell my 18 year old self that everything my father told me - he was right.
__________________
There are a finite number of Autumns in a hunters life and none should be squandered.
Reply With Quote
  #69  
Old 01-18-2020, 10:18 AM
omega50's Avatar
omega50 omega50 is offline
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 8,491
Default

A older guy at work in the mid-1970's giving us younger guys advice on women after one of the young guys got a girl pregnant.


You guys need much older women

They don’t swell, They don’t tell, They are as grateful as hell.
__________________
You're only as good as your last haircut
Reply With Quote
  #70  
Old 01-18-2020, 10:25 AM
Savage Bacon's Avatar
Savage Bacon Savage Bacon is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Calgary-Red Deer area
Posts: 3,205
Default

^^^ great advice
__________________
I'm not really a licensed bodyman or heavy duty mechanic. I just play one at work.
Reply With Quote
  #71  
Old 01-18-2020, 12:01 PM
colroggal colroggal is offline
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Calgary
Posts: 1,747
Default

My father Vehemently denies it to this day, but when we were kids, he used to pretend he was farting every time he pulled off a strip of duct tape.

Grandma used to say to us as a warning against misadventure - I'll have your head!

My uncle was using the expression, "Stupid is as stupid does", years before Forest Gump came out. He used it any time someone - including himself - did something goofy.

Colin
__________________
Check out my new book on Kindle - After The Flesh.
Reply With Quote
  #72  
Old 01-18-2020, 12:06 PM
CritterCommander CritterCommander is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: NW Alberta ....
Posts: 658
Default

My dad -

I'm drier than a popcorn fart in a dust storm.

If Gunpowder was brains theres not enough there to blow his nose.
__________________
Who is John Galt?
Reply With Quote
  #73  
Old 01-18-2020, 12:16 PM
Pathfinder76 Pathfinder76 is online now
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 15,773
Default

Where there’s no sense there’s no feeling.

You make a better door than a window.
__________________
“I love it when clients bring Berger bullets. It means I get to kill the bear.”

-Billy Molls
Reply With Quote
  #74  
Old 01-18-2020, 01:16 PM
Bigwoodsman Bigwoodsman is online now
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Edmonton
Posts: 8,269
Default

Reading all of these is causing me to miss mom and dad more than I already do.

Great thread Ken

BW
Reply With Quote
  #75  
Old 01-18-2020, 01:19 PM
owlhoot's Avatar
owlhoot owlhoot is offline
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: southeast alberta
Posts: 1,176
Default

My Great Uncle would say to me
"You Scallywag"
Reply With Quote
  #76  
Old 01-18-2020, 01:34 PM
Tannerdog Tannerdog is offline
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 285
Default

If it ain't broke, don't fix it........
Reply With Quote
  #77  
Old 01-18-2020, 01:35 PM
Tannerdog Tannerdog is offline
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 285
Default

If you were any lazier, you'd suffocate.
Reply With Quote
  #78  
Old 01-18-2020, 02:18 PM
stuckincity stuckincity is offline
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Calgary
Posts: 2,315
Default

"Fancier footwork than a centipede on a hotplate."



From my ol' man when his favorite football player, Leo Lewis,
got a towchdown after 'bulling' his way through a shmozzle.

I know I'm 'dating' myself, but who really cares......?
Reply With Quote
  #79  
Old 01-18-2020, 02:40 PM
skidderman skidderman is offline
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Spruce Grove, AB
Posts: 3,039
Default

You can put lipstick on a pig but it's still a pig.
Reply With Quote
  #80  
Old 01-18-2020, 03:06 PM
Dick284's Avatar
Dick284 Dick284 is offline
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Dreadful Valley
Posts: 14,586
Default

Oh man this brings back a few zingers my dad thru out.

Picture being in your mid teens, having a serious go around with a stomach bug, hurling your guts every 20 mins, praying to the porcelain alter, it’s oh dark 30, and you’ve just about turned yourself inside out chucking straight bile, when you spy something out of the corner of your eye. It’s the Oldman, he’s standing in the door way to the bathroom, with the most interesting look on his face. I utter something, and he says

”here’s a bit of advice for you...... if you feel something hairy in the back of your throat, swallow quick, cuz it’s probably your arse hole”

Who saw that one coming.
__________________


There are no absolutes
Reply With Quote
  #81  
Old 01-18-2020, 03:48 PM
Ken07AOVette's Avatar
Ken07AOVette Ken07AOVette is offline
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Alberta
Posts: 24,072
Default

See if anyone recognizes this one, Dad's line

one, two, and a hooey!
__________________
Only dead fish go with the flow. The rest use their brains in life.


Originally Posted by Twisted Canuck
I wasn't thinking far enough ahead for an outcome, I was ranting. By definition, a rant doesn't imply much forethought.....
Reply With Quote
  #82  
Old 01-18-2020, 04:39 PM
walleye guy's Avatar
walleye guy walleye guy is offline
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 232
Default

He couldn't drive a stake up a dead pigs ass if I started it.

Darker than the inside of a cow.
Reply With Quote
  #83  
Old 01-18-2020, 05:06 PM
Dr. Phil A Dr. Phil A is offline
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,006
Default

If brains were gasoline you wouldn't have enough to power a mosquitoes moped around the inside of a cheerio...

I am going to kick your butt so high we will have to shoot food up to you to keep you from starving to death.

Dumber than a bag of rocks..
Lower than a well diggers heel
Lower than a snakes belly in a wagon rut.

I have heard of these over the years from other people. My dad only had to look at me to make me aware that things were not quite right.
__________________
The problem with following the masses is that the M is silent...

In order to be a smart azz, you have to be smart otherwise you are just an azz.

You're offended.... I think it is funny and that is why I am happier than you.
Reply With Quote
  #84  
Old 01-18-2020, 06:22 PM
Red Bullets's Avatar
Red Bullets Red Bullets is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,627
Default

My Dad regarding dating... "You always try the shoes before you buy them". And "If you aren't in bed by 11 you might as well come home."
__________________
___________________________________________
This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
___________________________________________
It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
Reply With Quote
  #85  
Old 01-18-2020, 06:31 PM
W921 W921 is offline
 
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 1,309
Default

When I was young I used to hear
Kids should be seen and not heard
Young fellows are always coming up with something new that doesn't work
Thats the way it is and that's the way its always going to be
Reply With Quote
  #86  
Old 01-18-2020, 06:41 PM
omega50's Avatar
omega50 omega50 is offline
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 8,491
Default

I remember my Dad reluctantly sending postcards to friends and family from our summer road trips to BC from Winnipeg in the mid-late 60's. Mom would badger him to take us kids to a gift shop or motel front desk to get postcards so she could get us 3 kids out of her hair for a bit..

He always signed them the same.

"Scenery is here, wish you were beautiful."

Was years later before Mom found out and relieved him of that duty
__________________
You're only as good as your last haircut
Reply With Quote
  #87  
Old 01-18-2020, 06:53 PM
Austin's Avatar
Austin Austin is offline
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Edmonton SW
Posts: 1,565
Default

I buy you books and buy you books and all you do is rip out the pages and eat them.

Weather is here, wish you were hot.

Colder than a witches knee.

You have champagne tastes on a beer budget.
__________________

Last edited by Austin; 01-18-2020 at 07:00 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #88  
Old 01-18-2020, 06:56 PM
jungleboy's Avatar
jungleboy jungleboy is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Stony Plain
Posts: 6,569
Default

My mom used to be fond of . "He's so cheap he'd squeeze a nickle till the Queen screams"
Reply With Quote
  #89  
Old 01-18-2020, 10:14 PM
Maxwell78 Maxwell78 is offline
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 567
Default

You're trying to make a silk purse out of a pigs ear
play stupid games, get stupid prizes
useless as t*ts on a boar
__________________
"This year will go down in history. For the first time, a civilized nation has full gun registration. Our streets will be safer, our police more efficient, and the world will follow our lead into the future!" 1935-Adolf Hitler
Reply With Quote
  #90  
Old 01-19-2020, 01:44 AM
drhu22 drhu22 is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 4,090
Default

Dad underneath his car working on the engine and couldnt get a wrench in place...
"this is like trying to *$&% a bag of deer horns!!"
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 01:30 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.