Memes to Make You Smile

[IronNoggin]

As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but annoying everyone is a piece of cake.

I’m responsible for what I say, not what you understand.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.

My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there's a new strain out there.

It’s not my age that bothers me; it’s the side effects.

I’m not saying I’m old and worn out, but I make sure I’m nowhere near the curb on trash day.

As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, I'm sure of one thing: It will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

Me, sobbing: "I can't see you anymore. . . . I'm not going to let you hurt me again."My Trainer: "It was one sit-up.”

As I’ve gotten older, people think I’ve become lazy. The truth is I’m just being more energy efficient.

If you find yourself feeling useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and four presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.

Turns out that being a "senior" is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then he made the earth round. . . and laughed and laughed and laughed.

I'm on two diets. I wasn't getting enough food on one.

I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that's where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.

Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.

Apparently RSVP'ing to a wedding invitation "Maybe next time" isn't the correct response.

She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found mute by now.

So you’ve been eating hot dogs and McChickens all your life, but you won’t take the vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it. Are you kidding me?

Sometimes the Universe puts you in the same situation again to see if you’re still a *******.

There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is that once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest

[Quest206]

Accuracy vs. Precision

[Austin]

file:///var/mobile/Library/SMS/Attachments/68/08/7CA243BB-5662-4B25-8536-E10DC32E421D/IMG_2662.heic

[IronNoggin]

[Phil McCracken]

[Grizzly Adams1]

Originally Posted by Phil McCracken

Should be a Mercedes though.

Grizz

[Fish along]

Originally Posted by IronNoggin

As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but annoying everyone is a piece of cake.

I’m responsible for what I say, not what you understand.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.

My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there's a new strain out there.

It’s not my age that bothers me; it’s the side effects.

I’m not saying I’m old and worn out, but I make sure I’m nowhere near the curb on trash day.

As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, I'm sure of one thing: It will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

Me, sobbing: "I can't see you anymore. . . . I'm not going to let you hurt me again."My Trainer: "It was one sit-up.”

As I’ve gotten older, people think I’ve become lazy. The truth is I’m just being more energy efficient.

If you find yourself feeling useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and four presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.

Turns out that being a "senior" is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then he made the earth round. . . and laughed and laughed and laughed.

I'm on two diets. I wasn't getting enough food on one.

I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that's where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.

Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.

Apparently RSVP'ing to a wedding invitation "Maybe next time" isn't the correct response.

She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found mute by now.

So you’ve been eating hot dogs and McChickens all your life, but you won’t take the vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it. Are you kidding me?

Sometimes the Universe puts you in the same situation again to see if you’re still a *******.

There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is that once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest

Great stuff Nog.

[Okotok]

[IronNoggin]

[waldedw]

Fool.jpg

[urban rednek]

Official today!

[Savage Bacon]

True story

[Trochu]

[Stinky Buffalo]

[Stinky Buffalo]

[IronNoggin]

VANCOUVER ISLAND CAUTION:

In regards to all the people wanting to move here from Alberta and Ontario as well as many other heavily populated cities across the country, as well as those wanting to visit...

Before you come to Vancouver Island to visit you must be aware of what is happening here. Especially, around the mid island and all of south island! There's a housing shortage, rent has tripled, and folks are vacationing here in record numbers...

So if you plan on moving here, or just plan on vacationing on our beaches, river bottoms, or lakes this summer, I think you should know that wolf spiders, fire ants and bedbugs have infested hotels and motels across the area due to dryer than usual weather. The woods will eat you alive with ticks and chiggers.

Our lakes are full of gators, fresh water sharks, and creepy old guys wearing speedos.

Our rivers are full of drunks in tubes peeing themselves while the banjo players lay waiting in the bushes.

Cougars have eaten many domesticated animals and possibly some small children.

The local bear and elk population are all 'in heat' and think your wife/girlfriend is hot.

Snakes... don’t even get me started on the water headed copper moccasins here, and the Diamond Back Rattler Cobras.

The poison ivy has overtaken all other vegetation.

We have had bear sightings at every park and town they are after your picnic baskets….and some cougars have been spotted in motel rooms and bars.

Watch out for the jackalopes, they have been extremely aggressive this season.

We have the sasquatch invading our parks and it’s their mating season. Porcupines are "stabbing" small children should they dare to utilize the local playground equipment.

Skunks have made their way over and multiplied at unprecedented rates and wander the local campgrounds in packs looking for beer.

Murder hornets!?! We’ve got great black clouds of murder hornets, and swarms of giant crickets and even some American bullfrogs.

Scorpions have been congregating in massive quantities under rocks, logs, wooden steps, automobiles, and tarantulas are now stealing peoples food and biting like crazy.

I’m pretty sure all private tiger owners (we had a jump in them after Tiger King) have released their cats into the streets of our cities and towns.

Head lice now fly and we have vampire bats.

Oh, and no one is vaccinated.

(Copied)

[Smoky buck]

Originally Posted by IronNoggin

VANCOUVER ISLAND CAUTION:

In regards to all the people wanting to move here from Alberta and Ontario as well as many other heavily populated cities across the country, as well as those wanting to visit...

Before you come to Vancouver Island to visit you must be aware of what is happening here. Especially, around the mid island and all of south island! There's a housing shortage, rent has tripled, and folks are vacationing here in record numbers...

So if you plan on moving here, or just plan on vacationing on our beaches, river bottoms, or lakes this summer, I think you should know that wolf spiders, fire ants and bedbugs have infested hotels and motels across the area due to dryer than usual weather. The woods will eat you alive with ticks and chiggers.

Our lakes are full of gators, fresh water sharks, and creepy old guys wearing speedos.

Our rivers are full of drunks in tubes peeing themselves while the banjo players lay waiting in the bushes.

Cougars have eaten many domesticated animals and possibly some small children.

The local bear and elk population are all 'in heat' and think your wife/girlfriend is hot.

Snakes... don’t even get me started on the water headed copper moccasins here, and the Diamond Back Rattler Cobras.

The poison ivy has overtaken all other vegetation.

We have had bear sightings at every park and town they are after your picnic baskets….and some cougars have been spotted in motel rooms and bars.

Watch out for the jackalopes, they have been extremely aggressive this season.

We have the sasquatch invading our parks and it’s their mating season. Porcupines are "stabbing" small children should they dare to utilize the local playground equipment.

Skunks have made their way over and multiplied at unprecedented rates and wander the local campgrounds in packs looking for beer.

Murder hornets!?! We’ve got great black clouds of murder hornets, and swarms of giant crickets and even some American bullfrogs.

Scorpions have been congregating in massive quantities under rocks, logs, wooden steps, automobiles, and tarantulas are now stealing peoples food and biting like crazy.

I’m pretty sure all private tiger owners (we had a jump in them after Tiger King) have released their cats into the streets of our cities and towns.

Head lice now fly and we have vampire bats.

Oh, and no one is vaccinated.

(Copied)

Don’t need made up stories to keep me away

I could deal with all of that no problem but the rain, crappy hunting, over priced ferry and NDP have kept me from ever considering calling the island home

Nice to visit here and there but not going to catch me living there

[Bushrat]

Left Vancouver Island 35 years ago. No need to worry about me going back.

[Stinky Buffalo]

[Johnny G1]

Yes and couldn't afford to go back, been gone 21 yrs after working there for 32 yrs but still miss the ocean breeze.

[bat119]

[stuckincity]

Originally Posted by bat119

Couldn't agree more!

[Twisted Canuck]

[crazy_davey]

Originally Posted by Phil McCracken

Oh my, some here will be offended

[1886]

Why, because the bus is to big?

[Stinky Buffalo]

[mryimmers]

Originally Posted by 1886

Why, because the bus is to big?

Because the word "work" is in the sentence

[Stinky Buffalo]

[Stinky Buffalo]

[elkhunter11]