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  #6451  
Old 04-02-2023, 04:09 PM
IronNoggin IronNoggin is offline
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As Iíve grown older, Iíve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but annoying everyone is a piece of cake.

Iím responsible for what I say, not what you understand.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.

My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there's a new strain out there.

Itís not my age that bothers me; itís the side effects.

Iím not saying Iím old and worn out, but I make sure Iím nowhere near the curb on trash day.

As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, I'm sure of one thing: It will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

Me, sobbing: "I can't see you anymore. . . . I'm not going to let you hurt me again."My Trainer: "It was one sit-up.Ē

As Iíve gotten older, people think Iíve become lazy. The truth is Iím just being more energy efficient.

If you find yourself feeling useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and four presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.

Turns out that being a "senior" is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then he made the earth round. . . and laughed and laughed and laughed.

I'm on two diets. I wasn't getting enough food on one.

I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that's where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.

Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.

Apparently RSVP'ing to a wedding invitation "Maybe next time" isn't the correct response.

She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found mute by now.

So youíve been eating hot dogs and McChickens all your life, but you wonít take the vaccine because you donít know whatís in it. Are you kidding me?

Sometimes the Universe puts you in the same situation again to see if youíre still a *******.

There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is that once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest
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  #6452  
Old 04-02-2023, 07:05 PM
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Accuracy vs. Precision
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  #6453  
Old 04-02-2023, 10:56 PM
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  #6454  
Old 04-03-2023, 12:46 PM
IronNoggin IronNoggin is offline
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  #6455  
Old 04-04-2023, 07:32 AM
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Phil McCracken Phil McCracken is offline
 
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  #6456  
Old 04-04-2023, 08:37 AM
Grizzly Adams1 Grizzly Adams1 is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil McCracken View Post
Should be a Mercedes though.

Grizz
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  #6457  
Old 04-04-2023, 09:14 AM
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Fish along Fish along is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IronNoggin View Post
As Iíve grown older, Iíve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but annoying everyone is a piece of cake.

Iím responsible for what I say, not what you understand.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.

My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there's a new strain out there.

Itís not my age that bothers me; itís the side effects.

Iím not saying Iím old and worn out, but I make sure Iím nowhere near the curb on trash day.

As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, I'm sure of one thing: It will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

Me, sobbing: "I can't see you anymore. . . . I'm not going to let you hurt me again."My Trainer: "It was one sit-up.Ē

As Iíve gotten older, people think Iíve become lazy. The truth is Iím just being more energy efficient.

If you find yourself feeling useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and four presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.

Turns out that being a "senior" is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then he made the earth round. . . and laughed and laughed and laughed.

I'm on two diets. I wasn't getting enough food on one.

I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that's where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.

Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.

Apparently RSVP'ing to a wedding invitation "Maybe next time" isn't the correct response.

She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found mute by now.

So youíve been eating hot dogs and McChickens all your life, but you wonít take the vaccine because you donít know whatís in it. Are you kidding me?

Sometimes the Universe puts you in the same situation again to see if youíre still a *******.

There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is that once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest
Great stuff Nog.
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If people concentrated on the really important things in life,there would be a shortage of fishing poles.Doug larson. Theres a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. Steven Wright.
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  #6458  
Old 04-04-2023, 01:39 PM
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  #6459  
Old 04-04-2023, 02:08 PM
IronNoggin IronNoggin is offline
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  #6460  
Old 04-04-2023, 02:19 PM
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The problem we have today is that the people who work for a living are outnumbered by the people who vote for a living.

We were all born ignorant but one must work very hard to remain that way.
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  #6461  
Old 04-04-2023, 06:01 PM
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Official today!
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ďOne of the sad signs of our times is that we have demonized those who produce, subsidized those who refuse to produce, and canonized those who complain.Ē - Thomas Sowell

ďWe seem to be getting closer and closer to a situation where nobody is responsible for what they did but we are all responsible for what somebody else did.Ē- Thomas Sowell
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  #6462  
Old 04-04-2023, 07:51 PM
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Savage Bacon Savage Bacon is offline
 
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True story
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  #6463  
Old 04-04-2023, 09:56 PM
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  #6464  
Old 04-05-2023, 08:19 AM
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  #6465  
Old 04-05-2023, 08:28 AM
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  #6466  
Old 04-05-2023, 02:09 PM
IronNoggin IronNoggin is offline
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Location: Port Alberni, Vancouver Island, BC
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VANCOUVER ISLAND CAUTION:

In regards to all the people wanting to move here from Alberta and Ontario as well as many other heavily populated cities across the country, as well as those wanting to visit...

Before you come to Vancouver Island to visit you must be aware of what is happening here. Especially, around the mid island and all of south island! There's a housing shortage, rent has tripled, and folks are vacationing here in record numbers...

So if you plan on moving here, or just plan on vacationing on our beaches, river bottoms, or lakes this summer, I think you should know that wolf spiders, fire ants and bedbugs have infested hotels and motels across the area due to dryer than usual weather. The woods will eat you alive with ticks and chiggers.

Our lakes are full of gators, fresh water sharks, and creepy old guys wearing speedos.

Our rivers are full of drunks in tubes peeing themselves while the banjo players lay waiting in the bushes.

Cougars have eaten many domesticated animals and possibly some small children.

The local bear and elk population are all 'in heat' and think your wife/girlfriend is hot.

Snakes... donít even get me started on the water headed copper moccasins here, and the Diamond Back Rattler Cobras.

The poison ivy has overtaken all other vegetation.

We have had bear sightings at every park and town they are after your picnic basketsÖ.and some cougars have been spotted in motel rooms and bars.

Watch out for the jackalopes, they have been extremely aggressive this season.

We have the sasquatch invading our parks and itís their mating season. Porcupines are "stabbing" small children should they dare to utilize the local playground equipment.

Skunks have made their way over and multiplied at unprecedented rates and wander the local campgrounds in packs looking for beer.

Murder hornets!?! Weíve got great black clouds of murder hornets, and swarms of giant crickets and even some American bullfrogs.

Scorpions have been congregating in massive quantities under rocks, logs, wooden steps, automobiles, and tarantulas are now stealing peoples food and biting like crazy.

Iím pretty sure all private tiger owners (we had a jump in them after Tiger King) have released their cats into the streets of our cities and towns.

Head lice now fly and we have vampire bats.

Oh, and no one is vaccinated.

(Copied)
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  #6467  
Old 04-05-2023, 04:23 PM
Smoky buck Smoky buck is online now
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IronNoggin View Post
VANCOUVER ISLAND CAUTION:

In regards to all the people wanting to move here from Alberta and Ontario as well as many other heavily populated cities across the country, as well as those wanting to visit...

Before you come to Vancouver Island to visit you must be aware of what is happening here. Especially, around the mid island and all of south island! There's a housing shortage, rent has tripled, and folks are vacationing here in record numbers...

So if you plan on moving here, or just plan on vacationing on our beaches, river bottoms, or lakes this summer, I think you should know that wolf spiders, fire ants and bedbugs have infested hotels and motels across the area due to dryer than usual weather. The woods will eat you alive with ticks and chiggers.

Our lakes are full of gators, fresh water sharks, and creepy old guys wearing speedos.

Our rivers are full of drunks in tubes peeing themselves while the banjo players lay waiting in the bushes.

Cougars have eaten many domesticated animals and possibly some small children.

The local bear and elk population are all 'in heat' and think your wife/girlfriend is hot.

Snakes... donít even get me started on the water headed copper moccasins here, and the Diamond Back Rattler Cobras.

The poison ivy has overtaken all other vegetation.

We have had bear sightings at every park and town they are after your picnic basketsÖ.and some cougars have been spotted in motel rooms and bars.

Watch out for the jackalopes, they have been extremely aggressive this season.

We have the sasquatch invading our parks and itís their mating season. Porcupines are "stabbing" small children should they dare to utilize the local playground equipment.

Skunks have made their way over and multiplied at unprecedented rates and wander the local campgrounds in packs looking for beer.

Murder hornets!?! Weíve got great black clouds of murder hornets, and swarms of giant crickets and even some American bullfrogs.

Scorpions have been congregating in massive quantities under rocks, logs, wooden steps, automobiles, and tarantulas are now stealing peoples food and biting like crazy.

Iím pretty sure all private tiger owners (we had a jump in them after Tiger King) have released their cats into the streets of our cities and towns.

Head lice now fly and we have vampire bats.

Oh, and no one is vaccinated.

(Copied)
Donít need made up stories to keep me away

I could deal with all of that no problem but the rain, crappy hunting, over priced ferry and NDP have kept me from ever considering calling the island home

Nice to visit here and there but not going to catch me living there
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  #6468  
Old 04-05-2023, 05:52 PM
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Bushrat Bushrat is offline
 
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Left Vancouver Island 35 years ago. No need to worry about me going back.
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  #6469  
Old 04-05-2023, 06:42 PM
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Stinky Buffalo Stinky Buffalo is offline
 
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  #6470  
Old 04-05-2023, 09:09 PM
Johnny G1 Johnny G1 is offline
 
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Yes and couldn't afford to go back, been gone 21 yrs after working there for 32 yrs but still miss the ocean breeze.
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  #6471  
Old 04-06-2023, 09:55 AM
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  #6472  
Old 04-06-2023, 10:06 AM
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Quote:
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Couldn't agree more!
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  #6473  
Old 04-06-2023, 11:13 AM
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Twisted Canuck Twisted Canuck is online now
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'You can accomplish a lot more with a kind word and a gun, than with a kind word alone.' Al Capone
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  #6474  
Old 04-06-2023, 02:27 PM
crazy_davey crazy_davey is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil McCracken View Post
Oh my, some here will be offended

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  #6475  
Old 04-06-2023, 02:41 PM
1886 1886 is offline
 
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Why, because the bus is to big?
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  #6476  
Old 04-06-2023, 03:49 PM
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Stinky Buffalo Stinky Buffalo is offline
 
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  #6477  
Old 04-06-2023, 03:51 PM
mryimmers mryimmers is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 1886 View Post
Why, because the bus is to big?
Because the word "work" is in the sentence
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  #6478  
Old 04-06-2023, 04:38 PM
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Stinky Buffalo Stinky Buffalo is offline
 
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  #6479  
Old 04-06-2023, 05:13 PM
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  #6480  
Old 04-06-2023, 05:14 PM
elkhunter11 elkhunter11 is offline
 
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