Getting old....

[Bushmaster]

Getting Old





1. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.



2. Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.



3. I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.



4. I decided to stop calling the bathroom the "John" and renamed it the "Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.



5. Old age is coming at a really bad time.



6. When I was a child I thought "Nap Time" was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.



7. The biggest lie I tell myself is "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."



8. I don't have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights"! I'm just very wise.



9. If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees



10. Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.



11. Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?



12. Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.



13. At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for



14. Actually I'm not complaining because I am a Senager. (Senior teenager) I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don't have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don't have a curfew. I have a driver's license and my own car. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant. And I don't have acne. Life is great.



15. I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names. Now, I'm wondering: did I send this to you, or did you send it to me?

[stuckincity]

You're Old When:

You buy 'Playboy' and ‘Penthouse’ to read the articles.

You remember where you put your car keys, but can't remember where you parked your car.

Your favorite music and movies are in the Bargain Bin.

You're proud of your new garage door opener.

You trade your Harley for a Corolla.

You can't remember if its 375 degrees for 60 minutes, or 60 degrees for 375 minutes.

Your back goes out more than you do.

You send your teeth out to get cleaned.

You have stomach trouble - you can't get all of it behind your belt.

You don’t care where your wife goes, as long as you don’t have to go with her.

You don't remember being absent-minded.

You watch The Weather Channel and PBS.

Middle-aged women offer you their seat on the bus.

You have table manners that would offend a monkey.

"Lucky" means you remember where you parked your truck in the parking lot.

You have your pants pulled up almost to your armpits, complete with suspenders.

An "All Nighter" means not having to get up to go to the bathroom.

You turn down an invitation to go skinny dipping with a bunch of hot young babes, because you'd rather stay home and watch the baseball game.

You're told to slow down by the doctor instead of the police

[One'n'Done]

I always knew that I probably was gonna get old someday, I just didn't think it was gonna happen this quick.

[Ken07AOVette]

Love the thread, great Friday mood lightener.

Also love getting old.

In hindsight it would be better to just have grandkids. I mean kids are a pain in the ass. Good bad indifferent they are always there! Grandkids are just there when you want them, and generally where you leave them!
Think about it, you have more time more money more patience, had I known how wonderful grandkids are I would have married an older woman!

Have a great weekend guys.

[Mavrick]

This, I'm not ready for him to win yet.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yc5AWImplfE

[bobtodrick]

Great thread... ‘cause it hits so close to home.
Recently read...grey hair is now called Arctic Blonde.

[skain11]

Love the lists...when I hear people complain about getting old ( and I am 60+) I reply that it is a privilege to grow old...many never get the chance. Yes it comes with aches and pains and limitations but for me life is now more interesting and enjoyable because of past experiences I have learned from. Now where did I leave my curling stick?

[HVA7mm]

Originally Posted by bobtodrick

Great thread... ‘cause it hits so close to home.
Recently read...grey hair is now called Arctic Blonde.

I used to always call it "Desert Mist", then my cousin from Illinois told me that he just calls it "Chrome".

[Twisted Canuck]

First your eyesight starts to go, then your hearing, then....there was another thing but I can't remember what it was.

Checking the weather is all about how your shoulders feel, and your knees. And elbows.

[Red Bullets]

Originally Posted by bobtodrick

Great thread... ‘cause it hits so close to home.
Recently read...grey hair is now called Arctic Blonde.

I didn't even know I was getting old until one day I noticed grey whiskers... on my son's face.


I've still got it all together, knock on wood three times. Oh, wait I have to go answer the door.

[KegRiver]

Just a line to say I'm living,
That I'm not among the dead.
Though I'm getting more forgetful
And more mixed up in the head.

For sometimes I can't remember,
When I stand at foot of stairs,
If I must go up for something,
Or if I've just come down from there.

And before the fridge so often
My poor mind is filled with doubt
Have I just put food away? ...or
Have I come to take some out?

And there's times when it is dark out,
With my night cap on my head
I don't know if I'm retiring
Or just getting out of bed.

So...if it's my turn to write you
There's no need of getting sore,
I may think that I have written
And don't want to be a bore! !

So, remember..I do love you
And I wish that you were here,
But now it's nearly mail time,
So I must say good-bye my dear.

There I stood beside the mail box
With a face so very red
Instead of mailing you my letter,
I had opened it instead! !

My bifocals fit - my dentures are fine
My hearing aid works...but..I do miss my mind! ! !

by Faeza Gilani

[Twisted Canuck]

Originally Posted by Red Bullets

I didn't even know I was getting old until one day I noticed grey whiskers... on my son's face.


I've still got it all together, knock on wood three times. Oh, wait I have to go answer the door.

Ha! Yeah, I'm watching my son's hairline recede. Crap.

[jstubbs]

I'm 24. Still trying to come to terms with the fact I won't be young forever and to make the most out of everyday!

[KegRiver]

If I ever own a ranch in my old age…
I’m definitely gonna call it “Pasture Prime”.

The secret to having a smoking hot body in old age?
Cremation.


Regular naps help to prevent old age.
Especially if you take them while driving.



A Cowboy was told that if he sprinkled gunpowder on his breakfast, he’d live to a ripe old age.

So he did this religiously, every morning and he lived to the ripe old age of 96.

He left behind 8 children, 24 grandchildren and 60 great grandchildren, as well as a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

[leaffan]

getting old ix when u look and consider where your quarry is before u pull the trigger. Getting old is trying to find the closest parking spot to the front door of the store u r shopping at. getting old is planning your route travelling on the number of bathroom breaks available. Getting old is having the time to do anything u want but forgetting what u wanted to do. The best thing about getting old is being able to decline what u decided to do the day before

[Bushrat]

Apparently I was going to make a post, the reply box is up on my screen for some reason but it seems I've forgotten why...

[RandyBoBandy]

Excellent thread !!

[coyotecaller]

You’re getting old when you have to take Viagra so you don’t pee in your boots.

[brewster29]

During my last visit my doctor said "you have the body of a 24 year old".
When did he look in my freezer?

[skidderman]

A few years ago I was driving to Edmonton with my wife. I said to her, "I'm not looking forward to getting old". She said I have news for you. You are old already. That was 10 years ago I think but it could be 5 or 15. Who knows when you get this old. Good thread!!!!!!!

[calgarygringo]

I hear you guys. Used to tell everyone I dont look old and feel old and will never happen.
Well mid sixties, arthritic knees, can hardly walk, lung is buggered from a nerve issue, a couple herniated disks.
Body is a mess and feel way older than I look. Some days just getting moving is a chore. I am sure part of it is health related but mostly played a ton of high level sports in my young days and a lot is just the long term effects. Becareful what you say as we all can get old.

[midwinter]

A couple of things I tell the young guys at work ...

What you guys do all night takes me all night to do.

At my age I don't know if its my back petering out or if my peter is backing out

[KegRiver]

Originally Posted by midwinter

a couple of things i tell the young guys at work ...

What you guys do all night takes me all night to do.

At my age i don't know if its my back petering out or if my peter is backing out

rofl

[Dale S]

The stuff I used and played with in my younger years, show up on the Antique Road Show.

Sent from my SM-A705W using Tapatalk

[Gerry]

I tell my grand kids
I remember Santa when he was a little dark haired skinny kid.

[bat119]

I used to be able to read the date on a dime now I need my glasses to find one in my change

[Phil McCracken]

Went down the basement last night and stopped halfway down. After a pause, I asked myself: Was I going up or down?

[Jack Hardin]

I was going to take a memory course but, I can't remember if I mailed the application or not.

Old is Having been there, done that, can't remember.

[Hunter gatherer]

I'm over 60 act like I'm 30 wife's says it's like living with a 9 year old.i don't say I'm 60 I claim to be a rough looking 49 lol

[urban rednek]

These are true.