That darn bottle.

[Joes]

I’ve got a friend who doesn’t see himself as having an alcohol issue despite his family and friends all questioning the signs. He avoids proper medication for his ailments because you can’t drink in it, and you can count of him to consume alcohol at every function. An oilers game with his son, family meal, heck even well before noon on a day where he fills a tag (while joyously telling his young children that’s how you celebrate no matter what time of day). He’ll arrange for his kid to be his dd prior to going to his friends house for an evening visit and has been known to over consume - needing a ride home cause even tho he drove- he doesn’t look at that as “drink responsibility- or god forbid not at all” - but rather puts the onus on someone else to drive him home. He’s almost 50. The only almost 50 people I’ve seen who behaved that way were those battling addictions. Except this gentleman isn’t battling anything cause he doesn’t think he has a problem. Has anyone had a friend like this? Is a one on one approach best or a group of all of us concerned? Any ideas or anyone go through this?

[58thecat]

I would sit with him and have a good chat.
Seen too many go down this road and ruin everything, family, work etc.
Seen many too change for the best but it comes from support from the people that mean the most to them.
Hopefully it works out.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[kingrat]

Had a couple buddies like that, however they always drove themselves home no matter what so at least that's a bonus with him. (Doesnt sound like he drinks and drives) have loved ones sit him down and have an I tervention so he can see what it's doing. He prob thinks hes the life of the party and they love it.

[-JR-]

I had a friends like that and it seemed like i was helping him hammer one more nail in his coffin. So i stopped hanging with him and told the other guys in the group also todo the same . They did not listen and they helped him drink every day ,he was in a coffin in 3 years .

My advice is that you tell him you will only go and do things with him if no liquor will be drunk in the group .

[barbless]

As mentioned an intervention should be done with all that maybe affected, Family and friends and not necessarily just a one on one. For the most part the ones doing do not realize they are doing any wrong. Do the intervention and take up a willing contribution from all that want to help and if the one at the center of attention can and will agree, pay for his rehab. No family funds stressed to the limit. Depends on where he works (if he works) they might also offer help with addiction rehab. Most did not start off their life wanting to be the way they are now. Help can come in many ways. There are usually some underlying problems (for years) that affect the mind. I hope they find a way to help their loved one. I have lost some friends over many a year to certain addictions.

[Landshark]

Originally Posted by Joes

I’ve got a friend who doesn’t see himself as having an alcohol issue despite his family and friends all questioning the signs. He avoids proper medication for his ailments because you can’t drink in it, and you can count of him to consume alcohol at every function. An oilers game with his son, family meal, heck even well before noon on a day where he fills a tag (while joyously telling his young children that’s how you celebrate no matter what time of day). He’ll arrange for his kid to be his dd prior to going to his friends house for an evening visit and has been known to over consume - needing a ride home cause even tho he drove- he doesn’t look at that as “drink responsibility- or god forbid not at all” - but rather puts the onus on someone else to drive him home. He’s almost 50. The only almost 50 people I’ve seen who behaved that way were those battling addictions. Except this gentleman isn’t battling anything cause he doesn’t think he has a problem. Has anyone had a friend like this? Is a one on one approach best or a group of all of us concerned? Any ideas or anyone go through this?

If you join up with an Al-Anon group before you start into him about his drinking, it will really help.

https://al-anon.ab.ca/meetings/

[Ackleyman]

The thing is how much ?? Does he get falling down drunk , or just have a few at an Oilers game , a few with a meal and he gets rides [ does not drive] when he visits his buddies. If he is not plastered all the time , getting behind wheel or being obnoxious to people.. bow wow no big deal. A bunch of us here get wives to drop us off at shop to watch football and they either pick us up or we get a cab. And we laugh and get drunk half the time.

[barbless]

Originally Posted by Landshark

If you join up with an Al-Anon group before you start into him about his drinking, it will really help.

https://al-anon.ab.ca/meetings/

Yes they will help "YOU" to deal with the problem and ways to try and help the affected ones. Support groups. Sorry to say, but it also has to help all friends dealing with his addiction. For the most part, one person (being your significant other) is not going change your ways. Unless divorce comes into play (then maybe).

[barbless]

Originally Posted by Ackleyman

The thing is how much ?? Does he get falling down drunk , or just have a few at an Oilers game , a few with a meal and he gets rides [ does not drive] when he visits his buddies. If he is not plastered all the time , getting behind wheel or being obnoxious to people.. bow wow no big deal. A bunch of us here get wives to drop us off at shop to watch football and they either pick us up or we get a cab. And we laugh and get drunk half the time.

LOL Drive me to drinking and will not take me home. Just a small jest here
Someone needs a re-boot I think

[jstubbs]

Originally Posted by Ackleyman

The thing is how much ?? Does he get falling down drunk , or just have a few at an Oilers game , a few with a meal and he gets rides [ does not drive] when he visits his buddies. If he is not plastered all the time , getting behind wheel or being obnoxious to people.. bow wow no big deal. A bunch of us here get wives to drop us off at shop to watch football and they either pick us up or we get a cab. And we laugh and get drunk half the time.

I thought the same about my dad—he was never falling down, making a fool of himself drunk—and so none of us thought it was really a problem. Turns out he was just really good at hiding how **** drunk he was and by the time we realized that and tried to intervene he was so far gone that he nearly died in the ICU last year.

As it turns out, drinking at every given opportunity is a really good sign that someone is suffering from alcoholism. I mean absolutely no offence by this next statement but it sounds like you might be trying to justify something to yourself.

[-JR-]

Not sure what is worse ..someone that drinks to much or someone that need to smoke weed to much ?

[Sundancefisher]

Originally Posted by -JR-

Not sure what is worse ..someone that drinks to much or someone that need to smoke weed to much ?

If someone is using as an occasional social event… is one thing.

If someone is using as an escape… it’s another.

If constantly using to the point of impairing faculties… it’s a strong sign

If one makes excuses for using all the time it’s becoming obvious to others

If one can’t stop or doesn’t want to for a while… it’s an addiction.

[jstubbs]

Originally Posted by -JR-

Not sure what is worse ..someone that drinks to much or someone that need to smoke weed to much ?

The guy who tries to distract others from their problem by what aboutism is the worst.

[coyoteman]

I have seen many destroy their lives,and drink themselves into an early grave.I wish there was a easy answer.Not so.Very rare is the person who can beat it alone.AA can help,more than help,it can change a persons life----But that first step is a long hard tough one-----

[CBintheNorth]

Be prepared to have it all backfire in your face, and plan to have the fortitude to see your help through.
The toughest part for an addict is admitting they have a problem.
Having someone close tell them that to their face seldom goes well at first.

AA will have good advice for you.

[huntinstuff]

Liqour isnt the problem, it's the person.

Vehicles arent the problem, it's the person.

Guns arent the problem, it's the person.

Government isnt the problem, it's the person.

Religion isnt the problem, it's the person.

Drugs arent the problem, it's the person.

He will have to decide the value he puts on drinking.

[Joes]

Mostly sound advice lol. Thanks.I genuinely appreciate it. I did gather some AA info that really sparked my attention. Things like alcohol abuse doesn’t always mean someone drinks all day everyday. It could also mean they drink at every opportunity to varying levels of intoxication - pre plan that they will be drinking at every event and hence arrange a dd. It could mean they go 5 days without but would never consider not drinking at a hockey game, gathering or whatever. Or maybe it means their drinks are stiff as ef and they down them In 5 minutes as opposed to drink socially. So I guess being an alcoholic- and abusing alcohol have variations and maybe are different things. And not taking meds to help ailments because Xmas is coming etc and a person can’t drink on them just worries me so much. And it seems like a really poor choice- I’ve never heard a woman say “no husband - I’m not having kids with you because that means nine months of no drinking” lol. So I can’t understand why someone would not take meds because it’s time away from the bottle. It shows the bottle is prioritized over health. And also maybe shows how different men and women are lol!Thanks guys. Again I always welcome different perspectives before I make a plunge that is an important one.

[catnthehat]

Alcoholism is not how much or how often a person drinks, but how it affects them and those around them- period.
The person has to admit to themselves they have a problem to do something about it, no one else can.
Cat

[Redhorse Ranch]

Originally Posted by Landshark

If you join up with an Al-Anon group before you start into him about his drinking, it will really help.

https://al-anon.ab.ca/meetings/

Sound advice.

You can't change the addict, only the addict can.

Al-anon will help you cope in the meantime.

[Redrider]

I had a Best friend that was the same way, to a tee what your described. After years of friends,family and doctors try to save him, he made the decision to end it all.
I know it extremely hard to walk away from a friendship, but sometimes it the best thing you can do.
It’s up to the person with the addiction that has to make the decision to want to get clean and stay clean.

[Joes]

Originally Posted by -JR-

I stopped hanging with him and told the other guys in the group also todo the same . They did not listen and they helped him drink every day ,he was in a coffin in 3 years .

My advice is that you tell him you will only go and do things with him if no liquor will be drunk in the group .

Yes this! He has buddy’s that Literally once propped him in a corner by the shed during an evening fire when he passed out, tossed a blanket on him and then sat back and talked about his alcohol addiction while they continued to drink! Not one person thought he might be worthy enough of a friend, to take him home and stop the alcohol consumption to support him. Not one. When they told me this, I really felt like I needed to step in. And this was recent so a winter fire to boot! Not exactly real friends. I am sorry your friend wasn’t able to pull himself out of his addiction. Alcohol can be a level of evil that destroys every relationship a person has.

[landowner]

Had a friend in the same situation. He finally found AA after a lot intervention. He later explained to me that the alcohol changed his way of reasoning and he felt everyone but him had a problem. When he eventually realized his thinking was altered by the alcohol, he got the help he needed.

[sns2]

I just returned from a funeral this afternoon. 52 years old. Mother of my nieces and nephews. Liver failure. The booze got her. Sad.

Going to an al-anon meeting to talk about what to expect in terms of a reaction would be helpful. As sure as the sun rises in the east, you won’t be greeted by the Welcome Wagon. It doesn’t matter. Wear thick skin. And no matter how much you may want to lash out at the person if they give you a blast, keep a cool tool, and remember it’s about them. Not you or anyone else.

Best wishes. May your efforts be a turning point and bear fruit.

[igorot]

Originally Posted by catnthehat

Alcoholism is not how much or how often a person drinks, but how it affects them and those around them- period.
The person has to admit to themselves they have a problem to do something about it, no one else can.
Cat

If you drink and cannot work the next day. It does not matter on work you do.
Then I think you are not allowed to drink on my watch

[6.5 shooter]

Originally Posted by catnthehat

Alcoholism is not how much or how often a person drinks, but how it affects them and those around them- period.
The person has to admit to themselves they have a problem to do something about it, no one else can.
Cat

Agreed ^^^ not all alcoholics sleep in the park, or drink from brown paper bags. Many drive fancy cars and own businesses, Many live and work right in your very own circle of friends but their lives and their families lives are hell. Sometime we need to let them go and let the bottom or the grave kick them in the arse. Before they will seek help.

As a friend of mine once stated. He comforted a man, who while dyeing on the streets from alcohol looked up at him, and with his dyeing breath said "I am not that bad"

[bushnell]

You can't help someone who thinks they don't need help. Until they ask for help things don't change. Been there.....

[elkhunter11]

I lost a good friend two years ago, he took his own life, but the root cause was alcoholism. It started out with an extra beer or two, then it started effecting his relationship, and then his work. His employer actually sent him to rehab, and we hoped that he was going to be okay, but he ended up almost killing his wife, and then committing suicide. Before he went to rehab, he brought me his firearms to hold , and I held them for him, thinking that removing firearms from the situation was a good idea, but even with professional help, he still couldn't overcome the situation. A coworker also took his own life due to substance abuse, but in his case it was drugs. He too was sent to rehab, which again failed to help him overcome the situation. Both refused to admit their addictions, until they were forced to attend rehab by their employer, and the co-worker returned to drugs, after rehab, but he just did a better job of hiding it afterward.

[3blade]

Originally Posted by Joes

I’ve got a friend who doesn’t see himself as having an alcohol issue despite his family and friends all questioning the signs. He avoids proper medication for his ailments because you can’t drink in it, and you can count of him to consume alcohol at every function. An oilers game with his son, family meal, heck even well before noon on a day where he fills a tag (while joyously telling his young children that’s how you celebrate no matter what time of day). He’ll arrange for his kid to be his dd prior to going to his friends house for an evening visit and has been known to over consume - needing a ride home cause even tho he drove- he doesn’t look at that as “drink responsibility- or god forbid not at all” - but rather puts the onus on someone else to drive him home. He’s almost 50. The only almost 50 people I’ve seen who behaved that way were those battling addictions. Except this gentleman isn’t battling anything cause he doesn’t think he has a problem. Has anyone had a friend like this? Is a one on one approach best or a group of all of us concerned? Any ideas or anyone go through this?

Oh boy - thats a tough one. Especially if he has an injury that has a nerve pain component to it, because the mild-moderate CNS depressant effects of alcohol can really take the edge off when little else works.

I have 5 family members that fit the description perfectly. 3 are in the ground. Only a matter of time for the last two, but they don’t have a problem either.

you’re in for a hell of a fight. You either decide to step in the ring or walk away, but whatever your choice don’t look back.

[ram crazy]

Originally Posted by catnthehat

Alcoholism is not how much or how often a person drinks, but how it affects them and those around them- period.
The person has to admit to themselves they have a problem to do something about it, no one else can.
Cat

Sometimes you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves!

[HeavyD111]

Agreed..my best friend is a drunk, has been for 35 +years. There's no helping some people and I have stopped trying. He is finally showing physical signs of ailment after all that booze, and he looks 15 years older than I do. I am glad i never did much abuse of the sauce unlike everyone else I know.

Just posted to say you can try but if they don't think there is an issue, good luck, they will just see you as annoying not helpful.