Marital home - legal advice

[BritishCanadian]

So back at the start of early October, after arriving home from work I was greeted by my wife and her -enter graphic insult- friend, and was asked to leave. Being a man with morals, I didn't want to disrupt the children so voluntarily left the marital home; the house is in both our names.

I have spent the last 6 weeks pretty much in a bad place. I managed to get staff housing as I have nowhere to go, but that is temporary. Hence my earlier post trying to get on the rigs, as I want to make a fresh start, and the money will get me back on my feet.

Today I woke up and finally decided to start looking after myself; was nice to pull the curtains and let some light in.

This leads me to my post, as I want to know what my legal rights are, and right now i don't have money for a lawyer, so I am hoping someone on here may have gone through the same, and would be able to offer the legal advice they gained.

Very simply; does she have any right to make me, or is she able to force me to sign the house over to her? Also, do i have to make arrangements with her to go to and enter the house, if i jointly own it with her?

[Djm2u]

Good info can be found here:

http://divorce-canada.ca/property-divorce-laws

From personal experience and not knowing your situation. The best advice I can give you is keep your cool and never let your emotions get the best of you. If things are bad always document and have a friend with at all of your meetings. This will help protect you if things get ugly. Play to win don't make it easy for them by loosing your temper. If your partner will agree try to use mediation to sort things out as Lawyers only complicate things.

I wish you the best. Don't waste time on what was and focus on starting fresh. Trust me on all of the above I wasted 4 years trying to be right and it got me nowhere fast.

Hope this helps....

[NewAlbertan]

If I could suggest. You need to walk down the road to divorce. So, u need a separation agreement. There are freely available templates, check the govt websites.
Include access and housing arraignments. She can't force you to sign it over, it is to be negotiated.
The separation agreement should outline use and access as well as bills and liability for the short term - ie the year before you can file for divorce.
Best to remain civil and try I negotiate a fair arrangement in the year, then try your best to Part ways.
Gl. Move on. Take care.

[Djm2u]

Opps almost forgot this is another great resource to find info on your personal rights......

http://www.albertacourts.ab.ca/Court...5/Default.aspx

[rugatika]

Go to legal aid or something. You NEED to talk to a lawyer or you are going to take it up the hoohaw. I would also never advise leaving the home either. Noble to care about the kids like that, but....

Go get legal advise no matter how you do it.

I'm sure others will chime in soon enough, but I think you may want to get back into the house ASAP. Not sure what you have for valuables etc in there, but intuitively, to me....leaving the house seems like a bad idea.

But the important part is to ignore everyone on here and GET SOME LEGAL ADVISE!!! (from a lawyer).

[javlin101]

I did the same, left the home for kids sake and it was a mistake. Once you leave it is very easy for her to get a judge to block your access. Believe me judges will side for a mother with children vs the husband. Talk to lawyer, see if one will work out a payment plan but get lawyer. Record or have everything in writing when dealing with her. Also try your hardest to get along and work with your wife cause you have no idea how ugly she can make you life,, trust me on that one.

[coastalhunter]

Do you own guns? Are they at your house? They need to be removed by a friend who is licensed and stored by him if this is applicable.

[Redfrog]

Get a lawyer. Initial conference is usually free. There are a couple on this board I believe. Hopefully one will contact you or post here.

Get a lawyer. Get a lawyer. oh yeah, get a lawyer.

[BritishCanadian]

First of all thank you for all your advice so far!

I wanted to add this. We are very amicable. We have remained mature about this, and talk at least 2 or 3 times a week. So far she has stated she has no issue with me coming over any time to see the kids or the dogs. Although this does annoy me to have to get permission to enter a house i own.

Everyone keeps telling me it was a mistake to leave, but this does confuse me. Regardless if i leave or not, i still own half the house, regardless if i leave or not..

Luckily i own no guns as next year I am hoping to get out on my first hunt.

I found a free separation agreement template I will use. However, I don't really want to lose the house as its the only investment I have..

Suppose right now Im just starting to brush myself off and come to terms with being 32 and on my own, when 3 months ago i had a home, a wife, my 2 kids and my 2 dogs.... But Im determined to not let this destroy me..I think I have put off the separation agreement as by getting that done really makes it too official for me..

again thanks for you help everyone, I really do love and appreciate this forum.

[rugatika]

Please don't take this the wrong way, but you have to protect yourself. She is being amicable right now because you are bending over backwards to her demands. Try moving back into YOUR home and that amicable thing is out the window.

If you are willing to walk away from everything you have put your money into for the sake of walking away and starting fresh that is up to you. Not sure what all you have into your house etc. BUT, I would not be downloading separation agreements, or signing anything or agreeing to anything (this includes verbally)without talking to a lawyer. She could be recording everything you say when you talk to her (perfectly legal). I would be very careful what you are saying to her on the phone, in person etc.

Women can be the sweetest people on the planet when things are going according to their plans. Put a speed bump in front of those plans and they will pluck your eyes out of your head and smile.

Go talk to a lawyer.

[wwbirds]

In my experience those people who feel they cannot afford a lawyer are the ones that need a lawyer the most!

[norwestalta]

Rugatika is right. GET A LAWYER. My divorce wasn't that to expensive. My lawyer told me be nice. So I didn't get to rammy with the ex. No matter how mad I was and still get(its only been 15 years, I smile and keep my mouth shut. There's lots to loose by not having a lawyer even if you think you've got nothing.

[norwestalta]

Lawyer bills get expensive when you both want to fight and believe me lawyer's like to fight. I think my legal separation was some meat. Divorce was about $2500. Would of been cheaper but she started the divorce with one lawyer and didn't pay him so i had to pay to get the file or whatever i needed to proceed.

[Dacotensis]

I could write a book.

Without a doubt, be the first to file for divorce!!!!

It seems to me that one has more pull when you are in control.

Do you want the kids in your life?
That has ramifications as well. Can you prove that you have been in their life?
School functions etc.
do you want immediate access to you children?
Why the eff do you need any ones permission?
Of course this all goes out the window if you are a loser who is a pos.
Then you get what you deserve....

Don't know where you are at, but here in edmonton all the divorce lawyers are busy.
You need a family law lawyer.
If one dabbles in real estate and other things as well, I wouldn't waste my time.
I did, so I can speak from experience.
I am now with a lawyer who has practiced family law. Stricktly that for 27 years.
I like what she brings in experience compared to the other guy I used for years.

My take on it is, real estate deal comes up. Easy $ for the lawyers. Your divorce case gets put on hold.

And remember.
If one person doesn't want to settle, the other can't.

[rottik9]

Here is the math.

amicable + X= screwed


Now two moves, get a lawyer you need one. and document everything, dates, times.

Good luck

[Sneeze]

I am on the other side of this issue. Lawyer is going to take your money and speed up the process of you paying even more money.

Divorce could take 3 years to finalize. In that time your kids will be a great deal closer to 18.

Go home. Say you thought it was a temporary thing. Sleep on the couch. If she calls the cops just tell them she is off her medication again.

You don't have to agree to anything. I would have a look at the schedules for child support payments if you decide to continue living apart. The courts may award her back pay in the child support department. You would be foolish not to save this money now.

If your not abusive and she doesn't have any formal agreements in place with you... just go home. Crack a beer, put your feet up and when she gets home say "Hi Honey! I'm here to work things out! - By the way I just purchased this Beretta DT-11 you said you always wanted! I cashed in some RSP's to do it, but I thought it would make you happy!"


Look on the bright side. If you don't have the money for a lawyer chances are either does she. Why rush the issue? Why rush into paying rent? Why rush into paying alimony? Child Support? Why rush into being forced to pay her legal costs? Be prepared to eventually say goodbye to your house (and keep having to make payments on it) - but why do it today?

Why do all the work for her? 99% chance your going to get screwed over here anyway. Why get in a big rush to get screwed over?

[amosfella]

Move back in asap, and tell her that if she wants her friend to come over and 'do' her, she can leave. File first on grounds of infidelity, and move to strip her of all property rights, get custody of the kids, etc.
Oh, get one of them nifty smartphone apps to record every convo with her. It'll save you a buttload of trouble.
If she complains that she thought you left and moved out, 'I was taking time to clear my head to think clearly, and now that I have done that, I have come back to my home" is a very good answer.
Remember if you abandon the property to her while still having a contract to pay the mortgage, you have to pay while leaving her possession. Abandoned property is available for anyone to grab...

[JohninAB]

Only advice I have is get a lawyer. Asking for legal advice on this forum is silly at best unless one of the few lawyers on here responds.

[roper1]

Bad Karma first post says you can't afford a lawyer. You can't afford NOT to have one. The extra money spent keeping you on track in a very trying time will repay itself 10-fold. Just my experience. All the best.

[hafwit]

every one will have advice. but trust me on this. there will be better days ahead, and joy will eventually replace sorrow. don't let this consume you. your best revenge is to live a happy fulfilling life. there are people in this world who actually care about you. lean on them.

[3blade]

Lots of ways to go about it, as detailed above. Depends on what you want. If you want to be involved with the kids, be prepared for a really nasty fight and losing a lot of time and money. Only you can decide what it's worth. While I commend the attempt at not "disrupting" the children, that horse has long been outta the barn. They read you both far better than you think.

The money you have in the house is likely gone either way. She is amicable because she is setting you up to get stripped of your wallet and dignity. Watch what happens the first time you disagree with her now. Or don't.

IMHO, life's too short. Head for warmer sands and prettier girls, and let the cow deal with the payments. Sounds like you don't have a set career (willing to jump to the rigs - bad idea, that's more gold to dig out of you) so Central America may be nice (English speaking fishing guide?) or Australia has plenty of general work that you can get by with until you figure out what's next. NZ has as good or better hunting than here. Grab what you can, sell it for cash, and get out.

you don't want to be looking back at 5-10 wasted years.

[Mudzbogger]

First, make sure you fill out the paperwork to ensure you have guardianship of your children now, yes makes no sense but do it now. Second enroll in parenting after separation. Third, get a lawyer and a good one at that because while as some have said she is nice now, there is a reason for it. Why else would she have told you to leave without trying to work it out first

Don't know where your at but if in Calgary, Joyce Stuber is one of the best

[Mackinaw]

Originally Posted by JohninAB

Only advice I have is get a lawyer. Asking for legal advice on this forum is silly at best unless one of the few lawyers on here responds.

All that needs to be said

Mack

[javlin101]

Originally Posted by Mackinaw

All that needs to be said

Mack

And these two comments help how, he has already been told to get a lawyer by every post before yours. Some of us have or still going through this ugly process and can give some good advice.

[RandyBoBandy]

http://thedivorcecompany.ca/

See if any of this would work BUT it would take 2 to tango Good Luck mate

[pmac]

Originally Posted by rottik9

Here is the math.

amicable + X= screwed


Now two moves, get a lawyer you need one. and document everything, dates, times.

Good luck

Also some things a few friends of mine have learned the hard way:
Some employers include legal support in their benefit packages ask you HR. If this is the case there may be divorce counseling available also.
Get a new bank account and credit cards and cancel any joint accounts, lines of credit and credit cards that your wife may access and run up to stick you with.
Get yourself a PO box and have all your mail sent there ASAP
Do not underestimate what you ex could be capable of, no doubt she is being coached by someone how to work you and the system

HOPE FOR THE BEST BUT PLAN FOR THE WORST!

[coolpete1]

best advise i can offer is secure 50% custody of your kids from get go , and dont back off from it , second is have a witness to any interactions you have with her from the time you tell her you want a 50 50 split with kids , cause she will be ****ed when her plans to live off your pay for the next 10 years starts to slip away and you might end up in jail for something you didn't say or do. i got lucky with my ex , she is sane and easy to get along with , but i know other guys with stories that scare the crap out of me. also after the kid/custody stuff is settled i'd sell the house or make her pay you out , she has to live somewhere , but not on your money and if she can't afford the kids offer to take them full time till she can do her part , i think a judge may agree with that from time to time.
good luck

[Mackinaw]

Originally Posted by javlin101

And these two comments help how, he has already been told to get a lawyer by every post before yours. Some of us have or still going through this ugly process and can give some good advice.

It helps by telling him to get advice from someone that knows the laws not someone that thinks he does. Been through it twice and would still not give any more advice then see a lawer...

Mack

.

[amosfella]

Dump everything into a trust and buy it through a trust in the future. They can't take from you what isn't yours. Even if it isn't yours, it's great to have the use of it...

[oyster_777]

Originally Posted by amosfella

Dump everything into a trust and buy it through a trust in the future. They can't take from you what isn't yours. Even if it isn't yours, it's great to have the use of it...

Can you expand on this comment. Looking for more details.