Go Back   Alberta Outdoorsmen Forum > Main Category > General Discussion

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #481  
Old 03-19-2018, 10:29 AM
Little red riding hood's Avatar
Little red riding hood Little red riding hood is offline
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: 00
Posts: 507
Default

Little johnny; "dad, how many kind of boobs are there?"
Dad; "well son, there's 3 kinds, when a woman is in her 20's they're round and firm like melons, when she gets to her 30's and 40's they're like pears, getting longer and a bit soft, but still pretty Nice, when she gets to her 50's and 60's... they're like onions! Makes you cry just to look at them!"

Suzy; "mommy, how many kind of Willie's are there?"
Mom; "well honey, there's 3 kinds, when a man is in his 20's it's firm and strong like an oak tree!
When he's in his 30's and 40's, it's like a willow, getting flexible, but still pretty good,
But when he's in his 50's and 60's... it's like s Christmas tree,
Dead from the roots up and the balls are just for decoration!"
Reply With Quote
  #482  
Old 03-20-2018, 09:55 AM
Little red riding hood's Avatar
Little red riding hood Little red riding hood is offline
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: 00
Posts: 507
Default

My nookie days are over My pilot light is out What used to be my sex appeal Is now my water spout. Time was when, on its own accord From my trousers it would spring But now I've got a full-time job To find the blasted thing. It used to be embarrassing The way it would behave For every single morning It would stand and watch me shave. Now as old age approaches It sure gives me the blues To see it hang its withered head And watch me tie my shoes.
Reply With Quote
  #483  
Old 03-20-2018, 02:38 PM
bat119's Avatar
bat119 bat119 is offline
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: On the border in Lloydminster
Posts: 8,343
Default

A teacher was helping her third-grade students with a math problem. After choosing a student in particular, she recited the following story:
“Billy, there are three birds sitting on a telephone wire. A man with a gun shoots one of the birds. How many birds are left on the wire?”
The boy pauses. “None,” he replied thoughtfully.
“No, no, no. Let’s try again, maybe you didn’t hear me correctly,” the teacher says patiently. She holds up three fingers.
“There are three birds sitting on a wire. A man with a gun shoots one,” she puts down one finger, “how many birds are left on the wire?”
“None,” the boy says with authority.
The teacher sighs. “Tell me how you came up with that.”
“It’s simple,” says the boy, “after the man shot one bird, the noise from the gun scared the other two away.” “Well,” she says, “that’s not technically correct, but I like the way you think.” “Thanks,” chimes the boy, “now let me ask you a question.”
“Okay,” she said guardedly.
“There are three women sitting on a bench eating popsicles. One woman is licking the popsicle, one woman is biting the popsicle, and one is sucking the popsicle. Which one is married?” he asked innocently.
The teacher looked at the boy’s angelic face and writhed in agony, turning three shades of red.
“C’mon,” the boy said impatiently, “which one is it, the one licking the popsicle, the one biting it, or the one sucking it?
Which one is married?”
“Well, uh,” she gulped and in a barely audible whisper replied,
“the one who’s sucking?”
“Naw,” he says with surprise, “the one with the wedding ring.
Reply With Quote
  #484  
Old 03-20-2018, 03:09 PM
Little red riding hood's Avatar
Little red riding hood Little red riding hood is offline
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: 00
Posts: 507
Default

A teacher brings paper bag or produce to school one day and has the kids guess what she's holding.
She reaches in and grabs a piece of fruit, and goes on to describe it to the kids "its round, it's got smooth skin, it's easy to peel"
Billy says "it's an apple"
Teacher says "good guess Billy, but it's actually a mango! But I like your way of thinking"
She reaches in again and grabs a vegetable and proceeded to describe it to the kids
"Its long, it's bumpy and has thin skin"
Suzy says "it's a carrot!"
Teacher says "actually, it's a cucumber! But I like the way you think"
So little Johnny pipes up, "I got one for you Teacher!"
He reaches into his pocket and says;
"It's round, it's hard, and it's got a head on it!"
Teacher says "Johnny you're sick!"
He says; "actually, it's a quarter! But I do like the way you think!"
Reply With Quote
  #485  
Old 03-20-2018, 09:54 PM
Little red riding hood's Avatar
Little red riding hood Little red riding hood is offline
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: 00
Posts: 507
Default

Why don't witches wear panties?

Better grip!
Reply With Quote
  #486  
Old 03-20-2018, 10:16 PM
Little red riding hood's Avatar
Little red riding hood Little red riding hood is offline
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: 00
Posts: 507
Default

An Irishman, a Canadian, and an American stoe away on a cargo ship, well, they happen to find a container of booze!
So they're hiding in the container and having a good old time.
As luck would have it, they end up in Saudi Arabia where it's a capital offense to be publicly intoxicated.
So they are summoned before the king for sentencing.
The king says, "ordinarily you would be executed for your crime! But it's the queens birthday and I'm in a good mood, so I'm going spare your lives... but you will receive 20 lashes as punishment."
The queen says "yes, it is my birthday! And I'm feeling generous, so I will Grant you 1 request before your sentence is carried out."

So the Irishman goes first, and requested a pillow strapped to his back before the lashes are administered.
So they tie a pillow to his back and give him his lashes, but after 10 lashes, there's nothing left of the pillow and he gets the last 10 on his back!
So the American goes next, but he saw what happened to the Irishman, so he requested 2 pillows.
So they tie 2 pillows to his back, but after 15 lashes, there's nothing but ribbons left of the pillows, and he gets the last 5 on his back!
Next is the Canadians turn, the Saudi king comes to talk to him, and says "I really hate to do this to a Canadian, but you did commit a very serious crime here"
The proud Canadian says, "hey, I did the crime, I'll take my punishment!" The king says "that's very commendable of you, in fact, I'll also Grant you 1 request" so the Canadian says; " well, in that case, I'll take 100 lashes!"
The king says; "so what's your second request?"
Canadian says; "just strap that American on my back!"
Reply With Quote
  #487  
Old 03-21-2018, 10:51 AM
bat119's Avatar
bat119 bat119 is offline
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: On the border in Lloydminster
Posts: 8,343
Default

Ana sets up her friend Jenny for a blind date.
Before she goes out of her house, Jenny calls Ana, “Listen girl, my date’s here so I only have a minute. Call me after thirty minutes so I have an alibi in case it’s going bad and I have to bail. Okay? Thanks!”
After thirty minutes, Jenny was anxious to get that call from Ana. As if on cue, the phone rings. After a quick and mum conversation, she puts the phone down and sighs, “I’m so sorry, but there’s been an emergency. My sister is sick and I need to bring her to the hospital right now. I have to go.” With a big smile on his face, the date exclaimed, “No worries! In a few more minutes my dog was going to get run over by a bus.”
Reply With Quote
  #488  
Old 03-21-2018, 08:33 PM
bat119's Avatar
bat119 bat119 is offline
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: On the border in Lloydminster
Posts: 8,343
Default

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.
The first said, “I built a big house for our Mother.”
The second said, “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.”
The third smiled and said, “I’ve got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can’t see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He’s one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it.”
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: “Milton,” she wrote one son, “the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house.”
“Gerald,” she wrote to another, “I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn’t what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!”
“Dearest Donald,” she wrote to her third son, “you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!”
Reply With Quote
  #489  
Old 03-21-2018, 09:01 PM
Red Bullets's Avatar
Red Bullets Red Bullets is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,627
Default

Pretty accurate...
Attached Images
File Type: jpg gates.jpg (51.2 KB, 156 views)
__________________
___________________________________________
This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
___________________________________________
It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
Reply With Quote
  #490  
Old 03-22-2018, 08:55 AM
Fish along's Avatar
Fish along Fish along is offline
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Camrose county
Posts: 3,489
Default

What's the difference between a Northern zoo and a Southern zoo

The southern zoo has a recipe on the front of the cage.
__________________
If people concentrated on the really important things in life,there would be a shortage of fishing poles.Doug larson. Theres a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. Steven Wright.
Reply With Quote
  #491  
Old 03-22-2018, 11:58 AM
Gerry Gerry is offline
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Onoway, Alberta Beach
Posts: 604
Default

A woman went to a shrink and complained, “Doctor, my husband thinks he’s a magician.”
“What’s so bad about that?” asks the shrink
“Well, we’re being sued. A week and a half ago my husband shoved a girl into a trunk and sawed her in half.”
“The girl’s family is suing you?”
“No, the circus, the elephant bled to death.”
Reply With Quote
  #492  
Old 03-22-2018, 11:58 AM
Gerry Gerry is offline
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Onoway, Alberta Beach
Posts: 604
Default

A married woman was in bed with a man when her husband came home unexpectedly. The guy jumps off the bed and runs into the closet. He nearly passes out when he feels a tap on his knee.
“Hey, Mister,” a small voice says
The guy looks down and sees a little boy who had been hiding in the closet. “Shhh.”
“It’s dark in here, I want to get out.”
“I’ll give you ten dollars to stay for a while longer.”
The kid shakes his head and says, “No.”
“Twenty dollars? thirty dollars?”
The kid finally agrees to stay in the closet for fifty dollars.
Later that day the father takes the kid out shopping. The kid saw a bicycle and said he wanted it.
“That cost’s Fifty bucks.” the father says. The kid pulls out his fifty bucks. The father was astounded, then demanded to know where the kid got the money. The boy wouldn’t tell him, so the father drives him to the church and tells him to go to confession and tell the priest where he got the money.
The kid goes into the confessional and closes the door.
The priest slide’s back the panel and said, “Tell me your sins, my son.”
The boy says, “I don’t want to, it’s dark in here.”
“Oh no, not you again.” says the priest
Reply With Quote
  #493  
Old 03-22-2018, 11:59 AM
Gerry Gerry is offline
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Onoway, Alberta Beach
Posts: 604
Default

A sales-woman gets her car stuck and asks a local farmer if he can tow it out for her.
The farmer tries, but isn't able to pull it out.
Being that it's getting late, she asks the farmer if she can spend the night.
The farmer says, "sure, but you'll have to sleep with my son and he's not quite right in the head."
The woman goes to bed and in awhile in comes this real hunk. He takes a look at her, gets undressed and climbs into the bed.
After awhile the woman's mind is working real well and she starts to get horny, trying to figure out how to get the guy excited, she complains that she can't sleep on this side of the bed and would he mind trading places with her.
He say's, "I don't mind at all." She say's, "OK, Crawl over the top of me." He say's, "it's all right, I'll get up and go around."
After awhile she complains that she can't sleep on this side of the bed and would he mind trading places with her.
He say's, "I don't mind at all." She say's, "OK, Crawl over the top of me." He say's, "it's all right, I'll get up and go around."
This goes on for about 3 hours and finally she say's, "I bet you don't know what I want?"
He say's, "I bet I do?" "What do I want?" she asks.
"You want the whole friggen bed, but you ain't going to get it,"
Reply With Quote
  #494  
Old 03-22-2018, 12:00 PM
Gerry Gerry is offline
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Onoway, Alberta Beach
Posts: 604
Default

A teen-ager comes home late from school and is asked by his parents why.
“I made love to my girlfriend on the way home.”
“I’m really disappointed in you, but for telling the truth, here’s some money for a milk shake.”
The next day, the boy came home late again, and this time he confessed to making love to one of the neighbor’s wives. “Well at least you’re still honest, here’s some money for a milk shake.”
On the third day he walks into the house late again and proudly explains that he had stayed after school to make love to his teacher.
As his mother begins to scold him, his father picks up a frying pan, “Don’t hit him.” his mother pleads, “At least he told the truth.”
“Hit him, hell, I’m going to cook him a steak. How long do you think he can keep this up on those lousy milk shakes?”
Reply With Quote
  #495  
Old 03-22-2018, 12:01 PM
Gerry Gerry is offline
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Onoway, Alberta Beach
Posts: 604
Default

On a lonely back road in the Ozarks a guy is driving along minding his own business when a masked gunman steps into the middle of the road. Brandishing his pistol, he demands that the guy get out of the car. The guy gets out and starts pleading, “take my money, take my car, but don’t kill me.” The bad guy say’s, “I won’t kill you if you do as I say.”
The driver agrees. The bad guy tells him to unzip, take it out and masturbate. The driver, a little shocked, did what he was told. “Good.” says the bad guy, “now do it again.” The driver starts to protest and the bad guy wave’s his gun, so the guy proceeds to do it again. “Good, now do it again or I kill you.” Using all the strength and stamina he has, the driver manages one more time.
The bad guy say’s, ‘good’ and turns around and whistles. Out of the bushes step a beautiful young girl. “Now,” say’s the bad guy, ‘Give my sister a ride into town.”
Reply With Quote
  #496  
Old 03-22-2018, 12:02 PM
Gerry Gerry is offline
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Onoway, Alberta Beach
Posts: 604
Default

A guy picks up a girl in a bar and take her up to his room, after some heavy drinking they both pass out.
He wakes up, looks over at her and realizes she has a wooden leg. He’s never seen a wooden leg up close before and begins to wonder how it works, so he take it apart. When he can’t get the thing back together again, he figures he had better get help before she wakes up. So he goes into the hall to find help.
He finds this one drunk wandering the hallways and explains, “I need some help, I’ve got this woman in my room with one leg apart and I can’t get it back together.”
“You think that’s a problem.” replies the drunk. “I’ve got a woman in my room with both legs apart and I can’t remember my room number.”
Reply With Quote
  #497  
Old 03-22-2018, 11:59 PM
Red Bullets's Avatar
Red Bullets Red Bullets is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,627
Default

A man died and when to heaven. God told the man if he has any questions just to ask. So the man asks, " Well lord, to be truthful I am very hungry. Can we eat?"
The lord brought the man a peanut butter sandwich, a chair and a telescope.
God told the man," You sit here and eat your sandwich and look down to hell and see what they are doing, and count your blessings."

After a while the man asked God,"Why are they eating caviar and steak in hell and all I get is this P&B sandwich?"

God says, "Well, it just does pay for me to cook for the two of us."
__________________
___________________________________________
This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
___________________________________________
It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
Reply With Quote
  #498  
Old 03-23-2018, 12:07 AM
Red Bullets's Avatar
Red Bullets Red Bullets is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,627
Default

Two men were lifelong friends and made a pact that the first one to die would come back and tell the other what heaven is like.
A year later John passed away and Gerry waited and waited for his friend to send some kind of message or sign. Six months later Gerry was laying in bed and heard a voice. He asked, " John ..is that you?"
The voice said "Yes."
Gerry asked, "So tell me what is the other side like?"
The voice said, "It's wonderful. Every day when I get up I chase females and make out. Then after lunch I chase more females and make out. Then after supper I chase females and make out until bedtime and then do it all over again daily.
Gerry was astounded. He said, " Wow. Heaven sounds great. I can't wait to die."

The voice replies," Heaven? Hell no, I came back as a jackrabbit in southern Alberta."
__________________
___________________________________________
This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
___________________________________________
It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets

Last edited by Red Bullets; 03-23-2018 at 12:12 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #499  
Old 03-23-2018, 10:12 AM
Gerry Gerry is offline
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Onoway, Alberta Beach
Posts: 604
Default

An old lady was complaining to her doctor that she was constantly forced to pass gas. "Fortunately, it doesn't smell bad and no one can hear me. In fact, believe it or not, I passed some just a moment ago." "I think I know your problem," the doctor said, handing her a bottle of pills. "Take one of these daily and come back in two weeks." When the woman returned the following week, she was quite disturbed. "I just don't understand, Doctor. I still have as much gas as ever," she complained, "and now it's beginning to smell bad." "Good!" the doctor exclaimed, "that means your sinuses have cleared. Next, we'll go to work on your hearing.”
Reply With Quote
  #500  
Old 03-23-2018, 10:13 AM
Gerry Gerry is offline
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Onoway, Alberta Beach
Posts: 604
Default

A guy shows up at his girl friends door with a big bouquet of flowers.
She takes one look at them, walks over to the couch, strips naked, lays on her back and spreads her legs.
“This is for the flowers.” she says
He “Go way, you must have a vase around here someplace.”
Reply With Quote
  #501  
Old 03-23-2018, 10:15 AM
Gerry Gerry is offline
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Onoway, Alberta Beach
Posts: 604
Default

A guy has been working in the north woods for about eight months,
he goes to the nearest town and to the only bar in town.
He say’s to the bartender, “Man, I’m horny, any women in this town?”
The bartender say’s, “No, but there’s Chinaman Charlie.”
The guy say’s ”No way, I don’t go for that crap.” and leaves town.
He’s back in about six months and say’s to the bartender, “Any women in this town yet?”
“No, but there’s still Chinaman Charlie.”
“I told you I don’t go for that crap.” and he leaves again.
He’s back again in three months. “Any women in this town yet?”
“No, but there’s still Chinaman Charlie.”
The guy thinks about it and say’s, OK, but only the three of us will know about
this, Right?”
The bartender say’s “Well actually five people have to know.”
“Five? What do you mean, five?”
“Well there’s you and me and Chinaman Charlie and the two guys that Chinaman
Charlie, cause he don’t go for that crap either.”
Reply With Quote
  #502  
Old 03-23-2018, 10:17 AM
Gerry Gerry is offline
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Onoway, Alberta Beach
Posts: 604
Default

A new building was going up next to the convent, and the devotions of the sisters were constantly being disturbed by the foul language of the construction workers. The Mother Superior finally had enough and went next door to talk to the foreman. After listening to her complaint, the foreman said, "I'm sorry, Sister, but we believe in calling a spade a spade." "No, you don't," said Mother Superior. "You call it a f*****g shovel!”
Reply With Quote
  #503  
Old 03-23-2018, 10:17 AM
Gerry Gerry is offline
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Onoway, Alberta Beach
Posts: 604
Default

One morning, a rather large woman was lying in bed. She decides to try some calisthenics, slips out of her tight pajamas, and starts to bicycle with her feet high over her head. She gets going so energetically that she gets her feet hopelessly entangled in her wrought-iron headboard. Hearing her cries for help, her husband runs into the room, takes one look at his wife, and exclaims... "For heavens sakes, Gertrude, comb your hair and put in your teeth. You're beginning to look just like your mother.”
Reply With Quote
  #504  
Old 03-23-2018, 01:00 PM
Little red riding hood's Avatar
Little red riding hood Little red riding hood is offline
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: 00
Posts: 507
Default

A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done." She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself." So she agrees. Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend, he asks, "what happened?" She responds, "The Bastard used coins I'm still picking and he is still ****ing!"
Reply With Quote
  #505  
Old 03-23-2018, 01:13 PM
bat119's Avatar
bat119 bat119 is offline
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: On the border in Lloydminster
Posts: 8,343
Default

A retired lady sitting around the nursing home bored reads a book about senior "super sex" intrigued she decided to try it out on the old guy next door. She puts a house coat over her naked body and raps on her neighbours door the old fella opens the door the old lady rips open her house coatand yells
"SUPER SEX"
after a short pause the old fella says I think I'll have the soup.
Reply With Quote
  #506  
Old 03-24-2018, 12:04 AM
Little red riding hood's Avatar
Little red riding hood Little red riding hood is offline
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: 00
Posts: 507
Default

A teenage girl goes to confession,
"Bless me father, I am pregnant!"
"How did this happen my child?"
"I think it's the second coming!"
"What makes you say that?"
"Because I swallowed the first!"
Reply With Quote
  #507  
Old 03-24-2018, 10:15 AM
RBI RBI is offline
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Calgary
Posts: 1,081
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Red Bullets View Post
Two men were lifelong friends and made a pact that the first one to die would come back and tell the other what heaven is like.
A year later John passed away and Gerry waited and waited for his friend to send some kind of message or sign. Six months later Gerry was laying in bed and heard a voice. He asked, " John ..is that you?"
The voice said "Yes."
Gerry asked, "So tell me what is the other side like?"
The voice said, "It's wonderful. Every day when I get up I chase females and make out. Then after lunch I chase more females and make out. Then after supper I chase females and make out until bedtime and then do it all over again daily.
Gerry was astounded. He said, " Wow. Heaven sounds great. I can't wait to die."

The voice replies," Heaven? Hell no, I came back as a jackrabbit in southern Alberta."
While out golfing one fine day , two lifelong friends made a pact that the first one to die would come back and tell the other about the golf courses in heaven .

A year later , Dave was taken by the good Lord , and Bill waited and waited for his friend to send some kind of message or sign .

Then one night , Bill was awakened by a voice . He asked " Dave , is that you " , " It is " the voice replyed.

" So , tell me , Are the golf courses up there as wonderful as I imagine "?

" Oh Bill , my friend , you simply can not believe how beautiful there are . the grass is the greenest of greens , the the sky , the bluest of blues , the fairways are absolutely incredible, and the Greens are like velvet ".

" Oh wow !! " exclaimed Bill , " I can hardly wait "

" Well , about that ..." Dave says .... " You've got a 2 O-Clock Tee Time on Wednesday "
__________________
Think about it ....every single corpse on Mt Everest...
Was a highly motivated person...
...stay lazy my friends
Reply With Quote
  #508  
Old 03-24-2018, 10:30 AM
tool tool is offline
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1,227
Default

What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?






Oh.......... About 30 pounds!
Reply With Quote
  #509  
Old 03-24-2018, 10:42 AM
Red Bullets's Avatar
Red Bullets Red Bullets is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,627
Default

A November Drama

HER DIARY
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long,so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong. He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster. My marriage must be over.

HIS DIARY
I missed the buck of a lifetime today while hunting, but at least I got laid tonight.
__________________
___________________________________________
This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
___________________________________________
It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
Reply With Quote
  #510  
Old 03-24-2018, 10:44 AM
Red Bullets's Avatar
Red Bullets Red Bullets is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,627
Default

An old man was sitting on his deck with his wife of 50 years enjoying a cold beer.

He says, " I love you so much....I don't know how I could have lived without you."

His wife smiles and says ," Is that you talking or the beer?"

He Replies," Ya, it's me talking... to my beer!"
__________________
___________________________________________
This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
___________________________________________
It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:43 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.