Independant parents...

[silverdoctor]

It seems like my mother is going to lose her job shortly, 1 1/2 years before she can claim full CPP. This woman is fiercely independent, and doesn't want anyone helping her. She has nothing else going into retirement to be honest, only CPP but it's not unusual for the older crowd back in Newfie. She knows if she takes CPP now, it'll be less than half of what she'll get at 65. She's far from infirm, but she has pretty bad osteo in her fingers and toes.

Anyhow, I told her tonite not to fret about it, whatever comes - we'll deal with it. That i'll help her in any way I can but again, she doesn't want to depend on me at all... I understand her point of view but i'm really not sure how to tackle it. I asked her about her bills, she told me what she owes roughly...

I really don't mind supporting my mother but I need to find a way to do so without making her feel dependent if that makes sense. I'm not trying to take away her freedom, or have her owe me for anything.


Anyone else in this boat? Any ideas?

[pikergolf]

She needs to be close to family, not for right now maybe, but you need to be looking down the road. It is a lot easier to get her close to family now, rather than wait until something comes up. Shouldn't be hard to get mom close to family anyway, but if you wait to long your whole family can be thrown for a loop if something goes south.

[Drewski Canuck]

Lots of demand for live in care givers if she can't find anything else.

Even in Nfld the economy is strong. However, lots of jobs in Alberta.

Drewski

[silverdoctor]

Originally Posted by pikergolf

She needs to be close to family, not for right now maybe, but you need to be looking down the road. It is a lot easier to get her close to family now, rather than wait until something comes up. Shouldn't be hard to get mom close to family anyway, but if you wait to long your whole family can be thrown for a loop if something goes south.

I'm not even going to try to get her out of Newfoundland, should have mentioned that. I'll get her up in the fall for a week but she'll never moved out.

I'm talking ways to get her to accept financial help from me without making her feel dependant. Don't know if it's possible.

[Austin]

Pay her for work you need done so she feels like she's earned it for the year or so before her CPP kicks in. We did this for my mom. We had her come over everyday and help with the kids - became a live-out Nannie of sorts.

[Yéil]

We taught my gran how to invest in stocks and started her off with 5000.00 to invest as she saw fit. Within 2 years, she was on to quarterly payments with Rev Can...lol She never had money worries after that - she got so good at seizing up the market she went for her brokerage licence at 80! She started her own little stock brokerage for all her blue haired golfing friends.

You might want to help your mom start up a small business that she can operate on her own and maintain her independence and help her out with her retirement fund.

[silverdoctor]

Originally Posted by Austin

Pay her for work you need done so she feels like she's earned it for the year or so before her CPP kicks in. We did this for my mom. We had her come over everyday and help with the kids - became a live-out Nannie of sorts.

I'm in Alberta, she's in Newfoundland. She will not leave home.

She is trying to find a job of some sort, something in the line of caregiver but it won't pay that much to be honest. She knows that i'm more than willing to help. But that gives an idea of creating a job for her in some way...

[silverdoctor]

Originally Posted by Yéil

We taught my gran how to invest in stocks and started her off with 5000.00 to invest as she saw fit. Within 2 years, she was on to quarterly payments with Rev Can...lol She never had money worries after that - she got so good at seizing up the market she went for her brokerage licence at 80! She started her own little stock brokerage for all her blue haired golfing friends.

You might want to help your mom start up a small business that she can operate on her own and maintain her independence and help her out with her retirement fund.

Yeil, I have to say, I love that idea. She's not technosavvy, but she's always had new computers every couple of years. I think she would go for something like that, could be fun for her.


I have to call RBC tomorrow and set up an account she can dip into at the very least. This could get interesting.

[Yéil]

Originally Posted by silverdoctor

Yeil, I have to say, I love that idea. She's not technosavvy, but she's always had new computers every couple of years. I think she would go for something like that, could be fun for her.


I have to call RBC tomorrow and set up an account she can dip into at the very least. This could get interesting.

TD Waterhouse has accounts that can trade for about 7 bucks a trade... start with a discount brokerage until she gets the hang of it and make sure she has access to the Business Tv network.

[Sushi]

without knowing the details, it sounds like she has been misinformed about her CPP benefit reduction.

[Walleye Willy]

Originally Posted by Sushi

without knowing the details, it sounds like she has been misinformed about her CPP benefit reduction.

X 2 I think it's a 5% deduction for every year under 65.

[silverdoctor]

hrmmm... I never even thought to check to be honest...

http://www.servicecanada.gc.ca/eng/i...rruption.shtml

[rottie]

.5 per cent per month shy of 65

[silverdoctor]

Just sent her an email. i'm not surprised she's misinformed with her circle of friends to be honest. Will call her tomorrow and have a yarn with her about it.

Thanks.

[Batwoman]

Good to see the advice you are getting here but wanted to add that if you still want to help her or need to in the future see if you can get all of her utility bill information - account number is most important website, or where to send money is what you need. I do this for my Mom in the States - just call up and put money on her electric bill when we can. That was her Christmas gift one year so she could run the Christmas lights without any impact to her monthly income and output. My brothers do the same, one gives her a bunch of dough to go towards her Oil bill every once in a while. Getting it to the supplier is the best and since she plans to stay in NF it really sounds like you should get this info anyway just to make sure should you ever need it to pay her bills for her with her money - you will already have the info.

If you are not an only child does she have someone on her bank accounts to make sure checks can be written for bills. Lots of little stuff we never think about till there is some crisis. If you already have all of her who to pay what to each month good on you.

I ask my Mom about every other month if she needs help paying for her medicine (she is in the States), health insurance, etc. just to keep my finger on the pulse of how she is doing money wise. Wish we could just pay them all for her but just not possible, at least not now.

[silverdoctor]

Originally Posted by Batwoman

Good to see the advice you are getting here but wanted to add that if you still want to help her or need to in the future see if you can get all of her utility bill information - account number is most important website, or where to send money is what you need. I do this for my Mom in the States - just call up and put money on her electric bill when we can. That was her Christmas gift one year so she could run the Christmas lights without any impact to her monthly income and output. My brothers do the same, one gives her a bunch of dough to go towards her Oil bill every once in a while. Getting it to the supplier is the best and since she plans to stay in NF it really sounds like you should get this info anyway just to make sure should you ever need it to pay her bills for her with her money - you will already have the info.

If you are not an only child does she have someone on her bank accounts to make sure checks can be written for bills. Lots of little stuff we never think about till there is some crisis. If you already have all of her who to pay what to each month good on you.

I ask my Mom about every other month if she needs help paying for her medicine (she is in the States), health insurance, etc. just to keep my finger on the pulse of how she is doing money wise. Wish we could just pay them all for her but just not possible, at least not now.

More good ideas...

I have a sister, she won't do anything to help at all - never expected any less. Spoke with mom tonite about getting a list of her bills - she won't do it at this point and I understand fully... I told her tonite that I will do whatever it takes to help her going forward and I think she finally understands. She does not want to be a burden on anyone...

I will be setting up a bank account soon and putting what I can in it - separate from mine with checks and debit card for her. If not now, then i'll ship it to her for when she needs it. If that's a couple of years down the road, so be it...

[Whiskey Wish]

Helping out when times are a bit tough is part of the definition of the word "family" imho. Tell her she paid untold amounts of money to raise you so now it is your turn to pay just a little back.

Check with your accountant in case there are some deductions available here.

Explain that helping out now with regular small sums of money is a lot easier for you than waiting until there is a problem and now large bills need large amounts of money.

Tell her that if she really insists that she could, with the help of an accountant, build a pay back scenario into her will and estate for any money you give her now. Or a payback scenario for when her CPP and OAS begin to come in for her.

Province of Alberta recently created a new program for seniors and taxes. Perhaps her province has something similar? A phone call, letter or e-mail to her local MLA's office asking for what seniors programs are available there might help also.

Just a few suggestions. Hope this might help.
Regards,
Dave.

[silverdoctor]

Originally Posted by Whiskey Wish

Helping out when times are a bit tough is part of the definition of the word "family" imho. Tell her she paid untold amounts of money to raise you so now it is your turn to pay just a little back.

Check with your accountant in case there are some deductions available here.

Explain that helping out now with regular small sums of money is a lot easier for you than waiting until there is a problem and now large bills need large amounts of money.

Tell her that if she really insists that she could, with the help of an accountant, build a pay back scenario into her will and estate for any money you give her now. Or a payback scenario for when her CPP and OAS begin to come in for her.

Province of Alberta recently created a new program for seniors and taxes. Perhaps her province has something similar? A phone call, letter or e-mail to her local MLA's office asking for what seniors programs are available there might help also.

Just a few suggestions. Hope this might help.
Regards,
Dave.

Oh, my turn to pay back came up in conversation and I always knew the day would come... Heard her start to cry on the phone after i said that, broke my heart. She never cries or gets emotional.

I'm definitely going to set up a separate account with my bank and transfer money to it every month - and when she's ready for it, i'll get her on the account with debit and cheques free and clear.

In the last year she's had some big incidentals pop up that she couldn't afford - and I had to force the issue of letting me pay. $1000 for new studded snow tires on rims last fall - haven't heard the end of that one yet. $2100 for a minor accident that she caused a few weeks ago - cheaper to pay than go through insurance... Even if the money is available for any big stuff that crops up, i'll feel better and she'll be more receptive to it as well.

I guess i'm lucky to have her in many ways... I have friends who's parents have their hands out all the time, always expecting everything - and my mom isn't like that at all.

[FishingMOM]

You need to have all her account info if she is getting on in years as you don't want to see stuff get shut off......... god forbid she end up in hospital.

I would check and see if her personal directive, POA, Wills etc are all up to date.

Knowing all her credit card, banking stuff will also help. God forbid.

Does she already have all her funeral arrangements in order for the future? This way there is no doubt and you can help with expenses if not... then there are no surprises.

[silverdoctor]

Originally Posted by FishingMOM

You need to have all her account info if she is getting on in years as you don't want to see stuff get shut off......... god forbid she end up in hospital.

I would check and see if her personal directive, POA, Wills etc are all up to date.

Knowing all her credit card, banking stuff will also help. God forbid.

Does she already have all her funeral arrangements in order for the future? This way there is no doubt and you can help with expenses if not... then there are no surprises.

Good gawd, the woman has more energy than I do, doesn't stop. Last time she was here, I had friends take turns taking her out shopping - coming from a small town with a local walmart to Edmonton with all the stores. I can't keep up with her when she's ready to run...

She's nowhere near infirm, just pushing mid 60's and just hitting a rough patch and stubbornly independent. I don't want all of her account info right now, don't need it, she won't give it.

[Whiskey Wish]

Both of my parents are gone as are both of my in-laws. All the money in the world cannot bring them back. You are doing a good thing here so I wish both you and your Mom all the best.

Keep in mind that she likely wasn't crying because of you paying her money but because you expressed that you loved her. Mom's are funny like that....lol.

I know you said she would never leave her home, and that is perfectly understandable, but have you offered to bring her here? Sometimes the pull of family overwhelms the pull of geography and she will at least know you offered and that matters. Mom's are funny like that too....lol.

You have likely played this card but tell her that by not accepting this small amount of money she is causing you to worry, loose sleep and are unable to concentrate on your job. You are worried about her safety, security and comfort, as any son would be, so please take this money so my own health is not affected, and by extension the health of wife/g/f/children ....any others you can stack on there. If she thinks she might be affecting her boys health she might reconsider. Mom's are funny like that too....lol

Take care and good luck.
Regards,
Dave.

[silverdoctor]

Originally Posted by Whiskey Wish

Both of my parents are gone as are both of my in-laws. All the money in the world cannot bring them back. You are doing a good thing here so I wish both you and your Mom all the best.

Keep in mind that she likely wasn't crying because of you paying her money but because you expressed that you loved her. Mom's are funny like that....lol.

I know you said she would never leave her home, and that is perfectly understandable, but have you offered to bring her here? Sometimes the pull of family overwhelms the pull of geography and she will at least know you offered and that matters. Mom's are funny like that too....lol.

You have likely played this card but tell her that by not accepting this small amount of money she is causing you to worry, loose sleep and are unable to concentrate on your job. You are worried about her safety, security and comfort, as any son would be, so please take this money so my own health is not affected, and by extension the health of wife/g/f/children ....any others you can stack on there. If she thinks she might be affecting her boys health she might reconsider. Mom's are funny like that too....lol

Take care and good luck.
Regards,
Dave.

She would never move away from home, but she knows my door is open to her and the phone is always on. All of my family is back there, I don't have any family here in Alberta to be honest. I'll bring her up here in the fall and let her shop til her hearts content then she'll chomp at the bit to get home again... She's not a city girl for sure.

We carry on all the time over when she gets too old to take care of herself. She talks of a mother suite in my house and i'll talk of "shady pines" (remember the golden girls?) or setting her adrift on an ice pan like the eskimo cliche.



Thanks for all the posts, set my mind a little more at ease and gives me some ideas to work with.

[FishingMOM]

Originally Posted by silverdoctor

Good gawd, the woman has more energy than I do, doesn't stop. Last time she was here, I had friends take turns taking her out shopping - coming from a small town with a local walmart to Edmonton with all the stores. I can't keep up with her when she's ready to run...

She's nowhere near infirm, just pushing mid 60's and just hitting a rough patch and stubbornly independent. I don't want all of her account info right now, don't need it, she won't give it.

Notice I said in the future.
I say it from experience in dealing with the end stuff....... never fun.

You didnt need help with taking her shopping, you just wanted to avoid it, like I would.

Good on you for helping mom! Its great your so strongly bonded with her, not everyone is.