National Laws
Every fifth song on Canadian radio must be by a Canadian born citizen.
You may not pay for a fifty-cent item with only pennies.
Citizens may not publicly remove bandages.
No one in Canada may watch or listen to an encrypted broadcast which is not licensed by the Canadian government. This means using US satellite systems such as "DirecTV" is illegal.
It is illegal for clear or non-dark sodas to contain caffeine.
It is illegal to kill a sick person by frightening them.
It is illegal to pretend to practice witchcraft.
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Alberta
Wooden logs may not be painted.
You may never use dice to play craps.
Businesses must provide rails for tying up horses.
If you are released from prison, it is required that you are given a handgun with bullets and a horse, so you can ride out of town.
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British Columbia
It is illegal to kill a sasquatch.
A law requires jailers to bring convicted debtors a pint of beer on demand.
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New Brunswick
Driving on the roads is not allowed.
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Nova Scotia
When raining, a person may not water his/her lawn.
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Ontario
The speed limit is 80 kph for cars, but bicyclists have the right of way.
Bylaw states that no more than 3.5 inches of water is allowed in a bathtub.
If you have a water trough in your front yard it must be filled by 5:00 a.m
The color of house and garage doors is regulated by city bylaws (a purple door get you a fine).
It is also illegal to have a clothes line in your backyard.
You can't work on your car in the street.
It's illegal to climb trees.
You can't drag a dead horse down Yonge Street in Toronto on a Sunday.
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Quebec
It is illegal to turn right on a red light at any time.
All business signs in the province of Quebec must be in French. If the business operator wishes to have English on the sign, the French must be at least twice as large as the English is.
It is considered an offense to have more than two colors of paint on your house.
You may not own a log cabin.
"For Sale" signs are not permitted in the windows of moving vehicles.
One's rear license plate may not be protected by glass or plastic.
You may not swear in French.
Citizens may not relieve themselves or spit on the street.
America
Ohio:
if you ignore an orator on Decoration Day to such an extent as to publicly play croquet or pitch horseshoes within one mile of the speakers stand, you can be fined $25.
It is illegal to get a fish drunk.
It is illegal to hunt for whales on Sunday.
In Cleveland it is illegal to drive while sitting on another persons lap.
In Bexley, Ohio, it is prohibited to install or use slot machines in outhouses.
In Clinton County, Ohio, there is a fine for anyone caught leaning against an public building.
Alaska:
laws that apply to moose:
a moose may not be viewed from an airplane.
It is illegal to give alcoholic beverages to a moose.
it is an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.
Texas:
it is illegal to take more than three sips of beer while standing.
The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is also banned, as it contains a formula for making beer at home.
A new anti-crime law has been introduced, requiring criminals to give their intended victims 24-hour notice, either orally or in writing to explain the nature of the crime.
Pennsylvania:
Because of the farmers Anti-automobile society, these are some of the rules of the road:
Automobiles traveling on country roads at night must send up an rocket every mile, then wait ten minutes for the road to clear.
If a driver sees a team of horses, they are to pull to the side of the road, and cover their machine with a blanket or dust cover that has been painted to blend into the scenery.
In the event that a horse refuses to pass a car on the road, the owner of the car must take their car apart and conceal the parts in nearby foliage.
Alabama:
it is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
Arizona:
it is illegal for donkeys to sleep in bathtubs.
if a person is caught stealing soap, they must wash themselves until it is all used up.
California:
it is illegal to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool.
In L.A., it is an offense to lick a toad. Apparently, people were getting high off them! (This explains a lot about the princess and the frog. The frog never turned into a prince, the princess merely thought the frog turned into a prince because she was high from kissing it!)
In California, animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500ft of a pub, school or place of worship.
In New England:
fire engines are not allowed to exceed 25mph - strangely, this includes the journey to the fire!
In Devon (yes there is a place called Devon in the US), it is illegal to walk backwards after sunset.
In Hartford, it is considered an offense to cross the road on your hands.
In Greene, New York, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards down a street, while a concert is on.
Citizens in New York may not greet each other by putting ones thumb to the nose and wriggling the fingers.
In New Jersey you can be arrested for slurping soup in public.
In Greene, New York, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards down a street, while a concert is on.
It is illegal in Maine to step out of a plane, while it is in flight.
In New York, you need a license to use a clothesline outdoors.
In Carmel, New York, it is illegal for a man to go outside if his jacket and trousers do not match.
In Baltimore, it is illegal to throw bales of hay out of a second story window, within the city limits.
Also in Baltimore, it is illegal to take a lion to the movies.
In Connecticut, for a pickle to be officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce.
Kentucky:
A Kentucky law states that burglary can only be committed at night.
Idaho:
Fishing from the back of any animal is illegal in Idaho.
It is illegal in Idaho for a man to give his sweetheart a box of chocolates that weighs less than 50 pounds.
Wyoming:
In Sheridan, Wyoming, a policeman can bite a barking dog, in order to quiet him.
Minnesota:
When you pass a cow in Pine Island, Minnesota it is illegal not to tip your hat.
In Minnesota, you may not cross state lines with a duck on top of your head.
Georgia:
Georgia has a law prohibiting people from saying 'oh boy' in public.
In Atlanta its illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or lamppost.
Hawaii:
In Hawaii it is illegal to insert pennies into your ear.
Illinois:
Women in Joliet, Illinois, can be arrested for trying on more than six dresses in one store.
In Chicago it is illegal to eat in an establishment that is on fire.
In Winnetka, Illinois, theater managers can kick out any patron who has 'odorous feet'.
It is illegal to hum in public on Sundays in Cicero, Illinois.
Kansas:
In Lawrence, Kansas, it is forbidden for anyone to carry bees in their hat, while on the city streets.
In McLough, Kansas, it is against the law to wash your false teeth in a public drinking fountain.
In Natoma, Kansas, it is illegal to practise knife throwing at men wearing striped suits.
In Russel, Kansas, it is against the law to have an musical car horn.
Kentucky
In Lexington, Kentucky, it is against the law to carry an ice cream cone in your pocket.
In Owensboro, Kentucky, it is illegal for a woman to buy a new hat without her husband trying it on first.
In Kentucky, no female is allowed to appear in a bathing suit on a highway unless she is escorted by at least two police officers, or armed with a club.
Mississippi
In Canton, Mississippi, it is illegal to kill a squirrel with a gun while in a courtroom.
Missouri
Any city in Missouri can levy a tax to support a band, as long as the mayor plays piccolo and each band member can eat peas with a knife.
North Carolina:
In North Carolina it is illegal to use elephants to plough cotton fields.
Oklahoma:
It's illegal in Oklahoma to get a fish drunk.
In Harthahorne City, Oklahoma, it is unlawful to put any hypnotised person in a display window.
Washington:
In Seattle, goldfish can ride the city buses in bowls, but only if they keep still.
The state of Washington has passed a law stating that it is illegal to paint polka dots on the American flag.
Florida:
In Florida, you can be fined to fall asleep under a hair dryer, and so can the salon owner.
In Florida, if an elephant is left tied to an parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid, just as it would be for a vehicle.
Michigan:
In Clawson, Michigan, there is a law that makes it LEGAL for a farmer to sleep with his animals.
Indiana:
In Gary, Indiana, persons are prohibited from attending a movie theatre or riding an street car within four hours of eating garlic.
Wisconsin:
In Kenosha, Wisconsin it is illegal to have an erection in public. Even if you have clothes on.
Britain
In London, Hackney taxis must carry a bale of hay and a sack of oats.
It is illegal to be drunk in a pub or club, or any other licensed premises.
Oddly, it is illegal to consume a mince pie on Christmas Day.
In Hereford, you may not shoot a Welsh person on Sunday with a longbow in the Cathedral Close.
However, in Chester you can only shoot a Welsh person with a bow and arrow inside the city walls and after midnight.
Also in York, excluding Sundays, it is apparently legal to shoot a Scotsman with a bow and arrow.
In Liverpool, it is illegal for a woman to be topless in public unless they are a clerk in a tropical fish store.
It is illegal for a Member of Parliament to enter the House of Commons wearing a full coat of armour.
Sleeping with a consort of the queen is classified as treason, and as such carries a maximum penalty of death.
Placing a postage stamp of the queen upside down, is also considered treason.
It is unlawful to impersonate an Chelsea pensioner.
It is illegal to sell most goods on a Sunday. It is however legal to sell a carrot. It is also legal to sell it at any price, and to give free gifts with it, such as anything else one might want to buy on a Sunday.
The following are legal though:
a male may urinate in public, so long as it is on the rear wheel of his motor vehicle, and his right hand is on the vehicle.
all English males over the age of 14 are to carry out approximately two hours of longbow practice a week, supervised by the local clergy.
Australia
It is illegal to roam the streets wearing black clothes, felt shoes and have black shoe polish on your face as these are the items of an cat burglar.
It is illegal to walk on the right hand side of the pavement.
Taxi cabs are required to carry a bale of hay in the trunk.
In Victoria, it is illegal to wear hot pink shorts after midday on a Sunday.
Denmark
Before starting your car, you are legally required to make an visual check to make sure there are no children underneath your car.
When driving, you must have someone in front of your car with a flag, to warn horse drawn carriages that a car is coming.
Scotland
It is illegal to be drunk and in possession of a cow.
For some crimes, you are presumed guilty until proven innocent.
Switzerland
It is illegal to flush the toilet after 10pm if you live in an apartment.
A man may not relieve himself while standing up, after 10pm.
Thailand
It is illegal to step on any of the nations currency.
It is illegal to leave the house if you are not wearing underwear.