Understanding engineers

[Ken07AOVette]

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS

Understanding Engineers – One
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Understanding Engineers – Two
To the optimist, the glass is half-full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers – Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding Engineers – Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons

Civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers – Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers – Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Understanding Engineers – Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers – Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned It to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."

Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool.

[fishtank]

boardgames anyone ??

[CheeseBurger]

Number six for the win!

[huntsfurfish]

hahahaha

[220swifty]

Most people pay you to solve problems, engineers charge you to put their stamp on your solution.

[Grizzly Adams]

Originally Posted by 220swifty

Most people pay you to solve problems, engineers charge you to put their stamp on your solution.

I always claim, engineers exist to cover each other's asses.

Grizz

[CheeseBurger]

I call engineers "imagineers" because they dream up ideas to problems that never existed and then we have to figure out how to build them.

[lopinyote]

Come on now!! Its a talking frog for god sakes! Who wouldn't keep it?..LOL...and no I'm not an engineer!! Hahaha

[Gust]

A fireman, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in seperate rooms, in a cheap motel.

The fireman notices a fire in his rooms garbage can and douses it out with a glass of water.

The physicist notices a fire in his rooms garbage can and suffocates the fire by covering the top of the can with one of his text books.

The mathematician notices a fire in his rooms garbage can, then goes back to sleep as the problem can be solved.

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Higgs-Boson walks into a church and is met by the preist who states that Higgs-Boson is not welcome in church, to which Higgs-Boson replies ".. but how will you have Mass??"