Divorce lawyer help.

[Justfishin73]

Good morning all.
Sure seems like every day worse than the last. With zero family around for support, has been much harder than I could have believed.
Kids will be 50/50 custody.

Anybody have info on pension splitting as I'm sure it will come up. All mine is in DCPP, all hers is in RSPs. When split, I'll just end up taking tax hit to access the half she gives me, dire times, funds are needed, trying to keep house. Who would have answers on this? Might be able to avoid lawyers, so hoping they aren't who I need to discuss this with. Would my accountant know?

[North40Rules]

Originally Posted by Justfishin73

Good morning all.
Sure seems like every day worse than the last. With zero family around for support, has been much harder than I could have believed.
Kids will be 50/50 custody.

Anybody have info on pension splitting as I'm sure it will come up. All mine is in DCPP, all hers is in RSPs. When split, I'll just end up taking tax hit to access the half she gives me, dire times, funds are needed, trying to keep house. Who would have answers on this? Might be able to avoid lawyers, so hoping they aren't who I need to discuss this with. Would my accountant know?

I would definitely talk to my accountant ASAP about this Justfishin73!

Here is something that has not been mentioned yet, that you should consider and know.

The more divorces are contested the longer it goes on. In divorces that are mutual with level-headed parties involved, on average a divorce can be finalized within 6 months. In cases, where people want to get back at each other and it gets NASTY divorces can take years to finalize.

I know this to be true because I was married for about 5 months, it took 3 years to finalize my divorce! So be prepared for the long haul.

Take care of yourself throughout this entire process, some men I know drank like sailors throughout their divorce, it made them sick. Stay optimistic and positive throughout this tough ordeal!

Best of luck Sir! Cheers N40

[Map Maker]

Originally Posted by Justfishin73

Good morning all.
Sure seems like every day worse than the last. With zero family around for support, has been much harder than I could have believed.
Kids will be 50/50 custody.

Anybody have info on pension splitting as I'm sure it will come up. All mine is in DCPP, all hers is in RSPs. When split, I'll just end up taking tax hit to access the half she gives me, dire times, funds are needed, trying to keep house. Who would have answers on this? Might be able to avoid lawyers, so hoping they aren't who I need to discuss this with. Would my accountant know?

It will get better. Your on a roller coaster of emotions.

For your DCPP, you just need to write Pension plan an email and they will figure out the value of your pension. It will be less then you thought. She is entitled to half.
Hopefully her RSP are the same amount so you can leave your pensions out of it.
The lawyers will remove the tax implications on the rsp.

I wouldn’t recommend trying to skip a lawyer. They do serve a purpose.
Expect to pay about $15,000 for the lawyer but it will take about a year to finalize.
The ex and I tried to do it without a lawyer as we were amicable. There is just too many implications to worry about. If you know all the law, then a mediator would be the best choice.

[jmedical]

If its ugly and she hasn't lawyered up yet, go to every ”best” lawyer for a consult and once you have done that she cannot use them. Set the bases lol

[does it ALL outdoors]

Originally Posted by Map Maker

If it is split evenly and fairly, neither of you will be happy.
If your happy, she is being ripped off and vide versa.

I've heard a few times now that the mark of a successful divorce is when both party's aren't happy. Like you said if one party is happy they got too much.

I'm not at all qualified to give advice on this subject though since I've never been married.

OP, sorry to hear, especially when there are kids involved. Good luck to you.

[North40Rules]

Originally Posted by Redfrog

And worth every penny you pay.

Just curious, did you use a Legal Aid Lawyer in a divorce as well in order to come to that insightful determination, or are you just assuming?

Originally Posted by jmedical

If its ugly and she hasn't lawyered up yet, go to every ”best” lawyer for a consult and once you have done that she cannot use them. Set the bases lol

One of my friends went and talked to 5 of the best lawyers/law firms in the province, his better half could not use any of them lol

Cheers N40

[amosfella]

The cheap lawyer will cost you more in the end. The expensive ones generally do things pretty fast. The cheap ones drag things out for more billable hours. Get the best one, and tell them that you only have X amount to get this done.

[North40Rules]

Originally Posted by amosfella

The cheap lawyer will cost you more in the end. The expensive ones generally do things pretty fast. The cheap ones drag things out for more billable hours. Get the best one, and tell them that you only have X amount to get this done.

Not always. The trick I discovered is to supervise and participate in everything your lawyer writes and don't let your lawyer send anything out unless you have read it through thoroughly. After all, you know your wife and her ambitions, fears, and weaknesses more than any lawyer ever will.

When I had the Legal Aid lawyer working for me for my divorce, I rewrote 50% of every document he put together.

It's in your best interest to do this. It's your life but it's only another case for the lawyer and they will not have to live with the outcome for years to come as you will.

[Sledhead71]

Originally Posted by North40Rules

Not always. The trick I discovered is to supervise and participate in everything your lawyer writes and don't let your lawyer send anything out unless you have read it through thoroughly. After all, you know your wife and her ambitions, fears, and weaknesses more than any lawyer ever will.

When I had the Legal Aid lawyer working for me for my divorce, I rewrote 50% of every document he put together.

It's in your best interest to do this. It's your life but it's only another case for the lawyer and they will not have to live with the outcome for years to come as you will.

Did you not state you were married 5 months and it took 3 years to process your affairs ? Seems like there was plenty of wasted time working though the settlement.

What I learned was it's only "stuff" and posturing with lawyers only costs both parties excessive amounts of money.

To the original poster, if you honestly feel it will get dirty, skip the bickering and proceed to questioning / discovery then trial if required. All the letters back and forth mean zip, just stressful arguing benefitting your legal council only.

[North40Rules]

Originally Posted by Sledhead71

Did you not state you were married 5 months and it took 3 years to process your affairs ? Seems like there was plenty of wasted time working though the settlement.

What I learned was it's only "stuff" and posturing with lawyers only costs both parties excessive amounts of money.

To the original poster, if you honestly feel it will get dirty, skip the bickering and proceed to questioning / discovery then trial if required. All the letters back and forth mean zip, just stressful arguing benefitting your legal council only.

I did, even though I was only married for 5 months there was a child involved.

Without going into details, my recommendations are solely based on my experience. I got exactly what I wanted, it took time and it was time well spent.

Had I not been actively involved I would have been paying for many years. I ended up not paying a cent. Unlike many of my friends, I did not have to cut cheques every month and live in resentment and disillusionment.

How I handled it is certainly not meant for everyone, but for myself, it was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

Cheers - N40

[marky_mark]

I was married for 18 months and it took me 3 years to divide our assets

I hired one lawyer, paid her 15k and we didn’t even make it to the discovery stage
I was totally ripped off
Hired another lawyer and things final started happening

Getting divorced sucks but what’s even worse is being in a unhappy marriage

[North40Rules]

Originally Posted by marky_mark

I was married for 18 months and it took me 3 years to divide our assets

I hired one lawyer, paid her 15k and we didn’t even make it to the discovery stage
I was totally ripped off
Hired another lawyer and things final started happening

Getting divorced sucks but what’s even worse is being in a unhappy marriage

Lawyers rip people off? You don't say!

LOL

[marky_mark]

Originally Posted by North40Rules

Lawyers rip people off? You don't say!

LOL

Only plus was not having any kids
Would have taken a decade to get resolved

[W921]

Originally Posted by Justfishin73

Good morning all.
Sure seems like every day worse than the last. With zero family around for support, has been much harder than I could have believed.
Kids will be 50/50 custody.

Anybody have info on pension splitting as I'm sure it will come up. All mine is in DCPP, all hers is in RSPs. When split, I'll just end up taking tax hit to access the half she gives me, dire times, funds are needed, trying to keep house. Who would have answers on this? Might be able to avoid lawyers, so hoping they aren't who I need to discuss this with. Would my accountant know?

Lawyers are only there to make money. Not to help you.
If your on the title of the house or farm it will cost her a fortune to make you sell.
Dont do anything you dont want to.
Every letter her lawyer sends you costs her about $500. You dont need a lawyer anytime soon. Just dont settle because you think you have to. Every letter you write and send to her lawyer is going to cost her money. Make a game of it and see how long you can drag out things and how much you can drive up her lawyer bill. At some point her lawyer will quit her when he realizes there is no money to be made.
Every week on garbage day I throw out two bags of my wife's stuff.
Dont leave the house or give her anything. Change the locks and for Gods sake dont answer the door when the police come because they are not there to help you.

I was married for 25 years and thought everything was fine. She met some married guy on line. Then for six months secretly drained or bank accounts and put the money into her own account. She had big plans with her new man. Laughed at me when she told me I was going tyo loose everything.
The police tried to steal all my guns,powder and primers. That cost me thousands but I got everything back including my PAL.
Wife's new man left her when her money ran out. Now she lives in a 500 square foot shack by the dump 3000 miles away and our kids hate her.

[North40Rules]

Originally Posted by W921

Lawyers are only there to make money. Not to help you.
If your on the title of the house or farm it will cost her a fortune to make you sell.
Dont do anything you dont want to.
Every letter her lawyer sends you costs her about $500. You dont need a lawyer anytime soon. Just dont settle because you think you have to. Every letter you write and send to her lawyer is going to cost her money. Make a game of it and see how long you can drag out things and how much you can drive up her lawyer bill. At some point her lawyer will quit her when he realizes there is no money to be made.
Every week on garbage day I throw out two bags of my wife's stuff.
Dont leave the house or give her anything. Change the locks and for Gods sake dont answer the door when the police come because they are not there to help you.

I was married for 25 years and thought everything was fine. She met some married guy on line. Then for six months secretly drained or bank accounts and put the money into her own account. She had big plans with her new man. Laughed at me when she told me I was going tyo loose everything.
The police tried to steal all my guns,powder and primers. That cost me thousands but I got everything back including my PAL.
Wife's new man left her when her money ran out. Now she lives in a 500 square foot shack by the dump 3000 miles away and our kids hate her.

Karma Right?

[amosfella]

If you're getting mail from the lawyer, the fun thing to do is to take what her lawyer sends to you, change the positions of the relevant details (names, property, etc.), and send it right back to the lawyer. It's all boilerplate anyways. (that's why there's grammar errors in it) Just use her lawyer's boiler plate letters against her.

Be sure to go after her shoes, handbag collection, jewelry, etc., if you have any memory of them.

Also, refuse to talk to her other than by text. If she sends any texts about anything other than the kids, don't respond, but put copies of them into the record, and send those to her lawyer. If she sends a string of them, send each one individually on an affidavit. If she gets threatening or abusive, file criminal charges.

At least that's what I would do.

[northernhunter]

I went through one of those, dont wish it on anyone. maybe you should make a post for someone that has bad eye sight and is an excellent shot to take her hunting.

[1899b]

Originally Posted by Talking moose

Thought those were for criminal charges…. Was unaware they did domestic stuff too…..

My exwife retained a legal aid lawyer. It was great every time she hauled me into court it cost me money but she got all lawyer services for free. Stellar system!!

[Mb-MBR]

Originally Posted by W921

Lawyers are only there to make money. Not to help you.
If your on the title of the house or farm it will cost her a fortune to make you sell.
Dont do anything you dont want to.
Every letter her lawyer sends you costs her about $500. You dont need a lawyer anytime soon. Just dont settle because you think you have to. Every letter you write and send to her lawyer is going to cost her money. Make a game of it and see how long you can drag out things and how much you can drive up her lawyer bill. At some point her lawyer will quit her when he realizes there is no money to be made.
Every week on garbage day I throw out two bags of my wife's stuff.
Dont leave the house or give her anything. Change the locks and for Gods sake dont answer the door when the police come because they are not there to help you.

I was married for 25 years and thought everything was fine. She met some married guy on line. Then for six months secretly drained or bank accounts and put the money into her own account. She had big plans with her new man. Laughed at me when she told me I was going tyo loose everything.
The police tried to steal all my guns,powder and primers. That cost me thousands but I got everything back including my PAL.
Wife's new man left her when her money ran out. Now she lives in a 500 square foot shack by the dump 3000 miles away and our kids hate her.

Very good advice here. A close friend went through a divorce and her ex was able to secure a barracuda for a lawyer. He did the same thing, went to 4-5 of the best lawyers in town so she couldn't get equal representation because her ex had contacted them. Was costing her a lot of money till she decided that corresponding with her exs lawyer via email and written correspondence was running up his legal fees to the point he told her to stop. Well that was the wrong thing to do, she just enhanced the correspondence.

They did end up settling and her exs lawyer contacted her after the dust had settled and told her, "that was shrewd"!!! Asked her where she picked up the tactic....

[Joes]

I can relate. First I’d say you should know that legal aid isn’t actually free. They charge a cheaper rate and pay your lawyer bill and then you pay legal aid back. Down fall is to get approved is near impossible. Might not be the right thread for these thoughts but I’ll share anyway. Not sure it’s worth much but hey, you never know. Maybe one guy will read it and it’ll make a diff. Been down that road also. Not sure it’s the same for you but I had a good woman who took care of me when I was sick, raised our kids, tended to the home and yard. You name it she pretty much did it. My mistake was never showing I appreciated it the way she needed me to. I occasionally thanked her for supper - I think- but I never just picked up something she mentioned needing on my way home the way she did for me. To be honest not even sure I heard her say she needed something. I never told her that even though the way she gave her time to others who were undeserving drive me nuts - that I appreciated and admired her huge caring heart. Never put up Christmas lights without swearing or complaining even though I know it brought her a world of happiness and when I did shift work and her insecurities rose, I never reminded her how beautiful and amazing I thought she was. I got angry instead of caring and compassionate. I then went on to choose a job over her even tho I could see it was breaking us because some people (not me) but many in that industry didn’t take their vows seriously and did things married people really just shouldn’t. She loved our children in a way that blew my mind and took care of them everyday and I would come home every second week and hunt and fish and drink and she kept doing it all. What an idiot I was. She’d accuse me of just wanting arm candy and I was so stupid it didn’t even occur to me to say the truth- that to me she was arm candy. Beautiful, caring loving, a great mom and a wife who did so much that I can’t believe I didn’t see it when I had it. I think we grow immune to showing appreciation if that even makes sense. I would sit and watch tv while she cooked or cleaned or did things with the kids. I was actually the one who said I was leaving first. I grew tired of her thinking I was doing something outside of our vows and was sick of hearing her say we needed to talk. I didn’t end up leaving that day but those words broke her. I know that because I woke up in the middle of the night to find her sobbing on the couch holding her wedding ring. I felt horrible for doing that to her. In the end she said she never recovered from the devastation she felt when I said I was leaving and she left me. I had it all but never took the time to appreciate it or do little things to make her feel loved or appreciated. Now I’m older and want nothing more than to grow old with her. But she moved on. Found a man who works hard for a living, treats her to flowers or trinkets on his way home, helps around the house, treats our kids like gold and spends time with them and yes - he also put up Xmas lights extra early without complaint because he is smarter than me and sees her for his amazing she is. If only I could change how it turned out…

[ram crazy]

Originally Posted by marky_mark

Getting divorced sucks but what’s even worse is being in a unhappy marriage

One would think you be smart enough to figure that out before you got married!!