A History Lesson

[rwm1273]

A History Lesson

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals; and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girliemen.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jack-azz.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to pizz them off.

[Wild&Free]

Now that's a good piece of satire. Thanks for the laugh.

[Zip]

rwm1273...how do you come up with this stuff? Good job on the history lesson,Awesome work you did there! You somehow managed to make my morning coffee taste better today..Thank You!

[Stop Staring at my Rack]

thanks for the laugh

[TrollGRG]

Originally Posted by Wild&Free

Now that's a good piece of satire. Thanks for the laugh.

SATIRE??? You mean it's not true?

[Wild&Free]

Originally Posted by TrollGRG

SATIRE??? You mean it's not true?

You honestly think women evolved from lazy men?

[TrollGRG]

Originally Posted by Wild&Free

You honestly think women evolved from lazy men?

My bad - I should have known - men evolved from lazy women.

[rwm1273]

Originally Posted by Zip

rwm1273...how do you come up with this stuff? Good job on the history lesson,Awesome work you did there! You somehow managed to make my morning coffee taste better today..Thank You!

Google is my friend, and in fact I was looking for things to reply in a different thread when I found this.

[Halfton]

No Truer Words Hath Ever Been Spoken...Amen!



Jim

[The Huntinator]

Hahaha love it... That will be sent to all the liberals I know.

[BeeGuy]

So,

You're saying that Conservatives invented the sausage party?

No surprise there.

[Wild&Free]

Originally Posted by BeeGuy

So,

You're saying that Conservatives invented the sausage party?

No surprise there.

The article clearly states that women evolved from liberal men...

A man and a woman are required for continuation of the species...

A man(conservative) desires to be with a woman(liberal) in order to have......?

Someone to push the wheelbarrow full of beer from the brewery to home!

[BeeGuy]

Hell am I happy I feel no need to self-identify with either of these groups.

[Wild&Free]

Originally Posted by BeeGuy

Hell am I happy I feel no need to self-identify with either of these groups.

It's unfortunate that others must identify people by such things to satisfy their own vision of the world.

[rwm1273]

Originally Posted by BeeGuy

Hell am I happy I feel no need to self-identify with either of these groups.

Must be nice being from another planet.