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  #2011  
Old 05-07-2021, 08:46 PM
Coulee Coulee is offline
 
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In 1975 my father bought me a .22 pellet gun. I shot myself in the face with it. He told me not to do that again. Problem solved. Which was a good thing since I've graduated to gun powder since then.
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  #2012  
Old 05-07-2021, 10:30 PM
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Didn't help the Gates !!
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"One does not hunt in order to kill; on the contrary, one kills in order to have hunted" Jose Ortega y Gasset - Meditations on Hunting
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  #2013  
Old 05-08-2021, 06:21 AM
elkhunter11 elkhunter11 is online now
 
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Would be even funnier, if it wasn't true.

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Today I went to sign my dogs up for welfare. At first the lady laughed and said, "Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare." So I explained to her that my dogs are unemployed, lazy, can't speak a lick of English and have no frigging clue who their Daddy's are. They expect me to feed them, provide a roof over their head and medical care. So then she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify. My dogs get their first checks Friday. What a GREAT country we live in!
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  #2014  
Old 05-08-2021, 08:26 AM
RandyBoBandy RandyBoBandy is offline
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  #2015  
Old 05-08-2021, 08:26 AM
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  #2016  
Old 05-08-2021, 09:26 AM
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  #2017  
Old 05-08-2021, 12:53 PM
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  #2018  
Old 05-08-2021, 01:23 PM
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A woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost.
She lowers her altitude and spots a man fishing from a boat below.
She shouts to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man consults his portable GPS and replies, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level.

You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
She rolls her eyes and says, "You must be a Conservative!"
"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answers the balloonist, "everything you tell me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost.

Frankly, you're not much help to me."

The man smiles and responds, "You must be a Liberal."
"I am, replies the balloonist. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going.

You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air.
You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect me to solve your problem.
You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault."





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  #2019  
Old 05-08-2021, 06:03 PM
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  #2020  
Old 05-08-2021, 06:04 PM
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  #2021  
Old 05-08-2021, 06:05 PM
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  #2022  
Old 05-08-2021, 09:14 PM
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  #2023  
Old 05-08-2021, 09:23 PM
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.
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This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
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It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets

Last edited by Red Bullets; 05-08-2021 at 09:29 PM.
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  #2024  
Old 05-09-2021, 01:14 PM
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  #2025  
Old 05-10-2021, 08:41 PM
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  #2026  
Old 05-10-2021, 08:43 PM
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  #2027  
Old 05-10-2021, 08:45 PM
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  #2028  
Old 05-10-2021, 08:46 PM
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  #2029  
Old 05-10-2021, 09:13 PM
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Preacher: “Well, there's a lot of sinners here abouts. You wouldn't want me to leave before I finish my work, would you?”.
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  #2030  
Old 05-11-2021, 08:37 AM
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About right...
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"One does not hunt in order to kill; on the contrary, one kills in order to have hunted" Jose Ortega y Gasset - Meditations on Hunting
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  #2031  
Old 05-11-2021, 05:21 PM
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.
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___________________________________________
This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
___________________________________________
It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
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  #2032  
Old 05-11-2021, 06:03 PM
270person 270person is offline
 
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You matter. Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared... ...then you energy.
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  #2033  
Old 05-11-2021, 06:52 PM
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[attach]
[/attach]
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Preacher: “Well, there's a lot of sinners here abouts. You wouldn't want me to leave before I finish my work, would you?”.
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  #2034  
Old 05-11-2021, 08:45 PM
RandyBoBandy RandyBoBandy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jungleboy View Post
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  #2035  
Old 05-11-2021, 09:02 PM
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  #2036  
Old 05-11-2021, 09:03 PM
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  #2037  
Old 05-12-2021, 10:17 AM
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Wonder if the two are related
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"One does not hunt in order to kill; on the contrary, one kills in order to have hunted" Jose Ortega y Gasset - Meditations on Hunting
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  #2038  
Old 05-12-2021, 11:34 AM
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..
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  #2039  
Old 05-12-2021, 08:24 PM
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  #2040  
Old 05-12-2021, 08:33 PM
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You matter. Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared... ...then you energy.
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