These are some lessons I have learned over my lifetime. Your wonder bread thread made me remember them.
Things That I Have Learned
There are some lessons that a man learns as he ages as well as some things that he comes to understand are truisms in life. These are some that I have learned.
1. Farm driveways are supposed to have potholes in them. They let you know you are back on the farm and not just on some acreage near the city.
2. The floors in a house SHOULD squeak. They bring back the fondest of memories.
3. If you want to wake up men in the morning just cook bacon and coffee.
4. It was a much greater moment being with my son when he shot his first deer than when I did it myself.
5. Bar fights need to leave some marks and just a little blood. They make for better stories and fewer bar fights.
6. A daughter can be 6, 16 or 26 and still have you wrapped around their little finger with a look, a smile or a tear.
7. No one really gives a damn if a man cries at a funeral, wedding, births or graduations. Women think it’s great, other men just hope they can hide it when it happens to them and no one remembers a week later.
8. Ten “brownie points” are wiped out by one missed anniversary.
9. It doesn’t matter how old they were, how good or bad they were, or how near or far, it still hurts when your parents pass away.
10. A farm truck NEEDS to be a 1962 Fargo with step sides, a massive grill in front of a flathead 8, rust holes in the floor boards, a stick shift on the floor, holes worn in the seat and a dirty cracked windshield. A 2005 Dodge 1 ton diesel with leather seats and a CD player is entirely forgettable.
11. Never boss another man’s dog.
12. Never give another man reason to boss your dog.
13. Few things in life are as pleasurable as working with a good dog or a good horse.
14. Governments and Big Business will NEVER understand the Family Farm.
15. A lot of rural folks don’t have five minute response times from emergency services, a paved road, a 7-11 on the corner, same day service from a snowplough or a mail box within walking distance. Funny thing is they don’t really want them either.
16. You will never know REAL fear until you are a parent.
17. The day you stop learning is the day you start dying.
18. Patience is like muscles. They both need to be exercised to work properly.
19. That rockin’ chair on the porch starts to look strangely attractive after the age of 50.
20. There are 360 degrees in any given direction at any given time but the back spray from a pressure washer will ALWAYS be directly at YOU.
21. Battle of the Sexes ?? No such thing. Never was, never will be. For any mere mortal male to think he was even in combat, let alone a battle, with a species that is capable of raising children, keeping a home, cleaning up after him, having a career and STILL being able to look beautiful dancing backwards in high heels after a couple of drinks at your annual Christmas party, well that male is just sadly delusional.
22. Milk is supposed to go sour after three days. Bread is supposed to grow mould after three days. There is something wrong with milk and bread that lasts longer than a week.
23. Swing the bat! When you try and fail you have two choices how to remember it. Choose tried.
24. Make sure the tornado twine on your hat is weaker than your neck.